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Original poster

Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

347 replies

thedolly · 26/08/2009 11:25

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

OP posts:
spokette · 27/08/2009 09:27

No Anna, that is not the point I am making.

The point I am making is that one of the reasons cited for sending childen to private schools is because they will do better professionally and defacto, earn more than their state counter-parts.

The state system certainly does not teach it is all about earning as much as you can but you know that already. However, if you attend places like Eton, I would wager, that that is part of the aspiration and culture of those who attend.

BonsoirAnna · 27/08/2009 09:30

Several members of my family went to Eton! They have an astonishing range of accomplishments in addition to their academic skills.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 09:39

yanbu to be worried about some schools....some are so bad i think calling them "schools" is pushing the imagination a bit too far.

a few teachers i know (who teach in comprehensives) send their children to private school...says it all really.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 27/08/2009 09:49

The fact that you know a few teachers who send their children to a private school tells you about those teachers and nothing else. There is not a single member of staff that I know of at the school I teach in who use private education. Infact almost every member of staff as tried to get them into our school.

piscesmoon · 27/08/2009 09:51

I know lots of teachers in comprehensives who send their DCs to comprehensives-in many cases the one they teach in. There are very bad private school too!
It isn't us or them. Lots of people use both systems at different times, or have a DC in a private school and one in state.
Mine have all gone through the state system,comprehensive, they have done very well indeed and I can't see why I would want to pay for something that would only get them to the same place. By using the state system we have been able to do the extras-school trips alone have taken them to Iceland, Russia, Canada, South of France. Other DCs, doing different subjects have been to New York and China recently. I do wish that people wouldn't talk about comprehensives as if they were sink schools!! Of course some are but they are also high achieving-several of our local ones will get a good position in the forthcoming league tables (judging from previous years),no mean achievement when they take all abilities.
I know someone who has just gone to teach in a private secondary-there is a terrific drug and alcohol problem. Some of them have high achieving parents who have no time, but throw alarming amounts of money at their DCs who don't know what to spend it on-hence the problem. I am not saying that this is typical but private education isn't immune from problems.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 09:53

well you obv teach at a good school...not all state schools are good,...nothing to do with the teachers, it's the pupils...some of them are so badly behaved it's unbelievable.

Litchick · 27/08/2009 09:53

TBF, there are several state school teachers who use my DCs indie school for their own kids. I always ask them why.
In particular I was gobsmacked when I learned one of them worked in one of the most sought after faith schools in the country.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 09:55

their parents don't give a toss about education..they use schools as free child-care..

Litchick · 27/08/2009 09:57

Piecesmoon - some are sink schools. It is shameful IMHO how bad some schools are.
I think sweeping that under the carpet and constantly declaring how marvelous your own local school is can only perpetuate the status quo.

It is lovely that Spokette's kids have 12 clubs to attend...fuck those poor mites who have none.

kathyis6incheshigh · 27/08/2009 09:59

Well there are also schools that are crap because of bad teachers.
We have been told by many people not to touch our local comprehensive with a bargepole (usually older people - actually it is now much improved) - the reasons given have all been along the lines of, 'My dd wanted to do maths A level, she was told by her teachers she hadn't got a hope of passing, she left with no qualifications and went to evening classes and now she's a successful accountant....' They seem to have specialised in destroying aspiration .

Litchick · 27/08/2009 09:59

DP - the reason I have ended up volunteering at my local prep ( where my own DCs have never stepped a foot in the door ) is because the parents couldn't give a flying fuck.
Not one volunteered to help.
Parents evenings are wasteands.
I arranged an authors evening with some writer frinds and no fucker came. Oh it makes me so annoyed for the children.

Litchick · 27/08/2009 10:02

sorry for all the swearing and typos ...but I do get very cross.
I also realised over the Summer that I am dreading going back. The lack of hope is so draining.
God help the teachers and how they must be feeling.

BonsoirAnna · 27/08/2009 10:02

Oh gosh, don't get me started on destroying aspiration.

My DSS1 told his (really horrible and useless) Latin teacher at the end of last year that he wouldn't be continuing Latin this year (which would have been the final year - year 10 equivalent - he could study it) or swapping to Ancient Greek, but doing extra English lessons with a private tutor instead. The Latin teacher (who was also his French teacher) replied "You are very ambitious. Too much ambition is not a good thing."

DP talked to the headmaster about this, who thankfully was fully supportive of our decision.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 27/08/2009 10:02

I dont think for one moment that all state schools are good, but it is not right to imply that state teachers wish to send their children to independent schools because we are providing a substandard service.

Bad schools usually have a lot to do with poor or ineffective teachers tbh. I teach many student who if they went elsewhere would be a nightmare.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 27/08/2009 10:04

I was booted of my A Level History course my my teacher who told me that people like me never came to anything. He was also the Oxbridge admissions tutor- how he had to take back those words when I was invited to apply for Oxford and was offered a place. He still told me though not to set my aspirations too high.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 10:07

yes kathy, some schools are crap because of bad teachers...

litchick;...it is depressing, parental involvement is vital....but my point is...even where you have a fairly decent state school, decent teachers etc...you still have to deal with alot of children who are there purely to cause trouble and waste everyones time.....it isn't fair on the children who want to learn.

lljkk · 27/08/2009 10:08

TheDolly,
DS has a classmate whose older brother did private prep for 1st 2 years and then moved into our state school. The family just couldn't afford to send 2 DC to the prep.

The mother is herself a teacher (in a state school), and attended the same prep that she sent her son to (which she loved, and where the children's grandmother is still a teacher).

Although they love the prep, they are reasonably satisfied with the state school.

If you work, will you be less available (timewise) to your DC? Parental involvement and support is THE most important factor in school success, don't take on a job (just to pay school fees) that interferes with how much support you can offer.

I think you should just try the state school and see how it goes; you can always move them back to the private school if dis-satisfied.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 10:09

comprehensive education fails alot of kids..

piscesmoon · 27/08/2009 10:11

I have repeatedly said there are sink schools-however the comprehensves in my town are not the only good ones in the country! There are hundreds of fantastic comprehensives-unfortunately it is very unequal. I very much suspect that dolly, in her 02 ACORN classified village, has excellent state schools if she looked past the portacabins and her own prejudice.

piscesmoon · 27/08/2009 10:13

It fails a lot less than the old 11+ system daftpunk-or is it OK to give a few a wonderful education and throw the rest on the scrap heap!

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 10:16

i think every single child in the country deserves a wonderful education...education is the key to success...but it doesn't work like that does it..

fatjac · 27/08/2009 10:21

OP given that you have this irrational fear of the state system I think it would be better for you, and more importantly your children, if you continued to send them to private school.

As others have quoted 93% of children in this country are state educated. Of course there will be some who have no ambition, thirst for knowledge or apptitude to learn. I would imagine there are also children who attend private school who are equally unambitious and disinterested in education.

You say you are not so worried about exam success more that your children will end up with no ambition and no love of learning. Well both of those things stem from the kind of home life the children have far more than from the school they attend or the friends they have.

Education does not just take place between the hours of 9-4, 5 days a week 30 odd weeks of the year. I see my childrens education as something that their father and I are responsible for. The school provides a grounding and gives them the technical information, but education is something that happens continually day in day out for the rest of our lives. It seems to me that a lot of parents just hand responsibility for everything over to the school.

It always amuses me when people who use the private sector go on about the sport or music facilities and all the extra classes. I would far rather take my children to these activities myself and either join in with them or have the pleasure of watching them participate. As we dont have school fees we have a disposable income which enables us to do lots of things together as a family and means we can all(DH and I included) pursue our hobbies.

We could afford to send both our children to private but it never occurred to me that we should. We bought a nice enough house in a good enough area within walking distance of a lovely primary school and a short bus journey to the local high school. I didn't want the boys to spend hours a day commuting to and from school and I didn't much fancy having to spend the time driving either. It means we have more time to go go-karting or rock climbing together.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 27/08/2009 10:23

I agree with you daft punk which is why I work in the sector that educates 93% of the population and choose to educate my dd in the same system.

daftpunk · 27/08/2009 10:27

fatjac;

take the rose tinted glasses off for a minute...there are some schools where pupils call teachers "wanker" to their face.....

the thickos don't just sit quietly at the back drawing on the table....they become the "cool kids"

fatjac · 27/08/2009 10:30

But the OP does not have a school like that.