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Original poster

AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

228 replies

fishnet · 27/03/2009 14:29

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

OP posts:
mulranno · 01/05/2009 14:11

If your point here is valid it would make it seem that what you are doing ie holding 2 state places is even worse than OP as they could be even more scarse that normal.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 14:19

I never said that was what I was doing
It was what I should have done
"we should have accepted our school in borough 1 temporarily as borough 2 offers came out a month later" and we should have then made a decision once we had both offers

We didn't. We didn't take borough 1.
We are waited and will accept borough 2 and also holding a private school place.
We are also waitlisted at 2 private schools

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 14:21

We are have waited

legalalien · 01/05/2009 14:36

out of interest, does anyone know whether, where a place is turned down, the LEA tells the next person on the list straight away, or whether they wait until the closing date for responses (in our case 8 May) and then consider what to do?

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 14:38

I think they will probably tell you immediately
I know lots of people who are phoning the admissions teams for updates on their waiting list positions

You in Lambeth by any chance?

fruitbeard · 01/05/2009 14:46

Where's the OP gone?

I'm a bit with these pronouncements of how one should never even consider private schooling unless one has '7 years' fees saved' or 'never pay fees out of income' - what planet are they living on?

DD attends an independent prep for the simple reason that it's the nearest Catholic school in the area and I want her to walk to school. Yes, if DH lost his job, we couldn't afford to keep her there for longer than a few months, but we would hope that something else would turn up for him in the meantime... as it costs less to send her there than the nursery she was attending before then, it's not a huge stretch for us (hideously expensive uniform aside...)

I think her school would have a roll of about 5 pupils if we had to be in the position of already having the cash to pay for the entire period of schooling...

legalalien · 01/05/2009 14:55

southwark (although I applied for a school in lambeth as well, as am on the border). have given up my state place but a friend of mine is waiting (unfortunately doesn't live close enough to get the place that I'm giving up....)

mulranno · 01/05/2009 14:59

The saying ...hope for the best and prepare for the worst comes into play..think the Op is really keen on independent and should stick with that option - if it all goes wrong you could then make other arrangements. However I do think that this year is different. People are not starting on the private path, people are "downsizing" from boarding to day schools. I have not seen anyone leave my childrens day school due to financial reasons...but they are at the top end of primary so maybe parents will tough it out for a year or two then go state for secondary...maybe less are starting

Sorrento · 01/05/2009 15:05

Fruitbeard, I wouldn't take the risk of hoping something turned up, we've been in that position for 6 months now and thank goodness i hadn't got three sets of school fees at the moment.
I actually think it's quite irresponsible to hope for best, if the decent state schools are full what on earth would you do ? At primary level there's very little help available.
Plus the interest and returns on your investments should mean you never really touch the capital so it's just the smart way to plan things.

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 01/05/2009 16:20

sorrento what you are saying is like saying do not buy a house unless you've got all the money upfront.

I think that if keeping two places is wrong is wrong whether you keep them in two different boroughs, two private, one private one state.

daftpunk comments are a bit OTT imho.

Sorrento · 01/05/2009 16:45

No it's not in the slightest bit like saying don't take out a mortgage, you need somewhere to live in the meantime whilst you save to pay for the house, hence you pay 2/3 interest and 1/3 payment and eventually that changes around and the house is yours.
The point being you do not need private education and if you think you might the sensible thing to do is save at least 2 years fees in the lead up to either primary school or secondary, these things are rarely a surprise so plenty of time to save and stops little Jane or Johnny ending up in the local sink school having been to Eton in one extreme, hopefully that would never happen but why take the chance ?
At the end of the day if you want to live by the seat of your pants and many people do, don't come back crying when hubby's do get made redundant, there are very few jobs paying £60k plus and the children then need to take what's left of the state school places, not the best schools unless you're very lucky. I don't want my childrens education left to luck.

Original poster
fishnet · 01/05/2009 16:51

The OP is here but I posted this over a month ago, a couple of days after receiving the state offer and I wasn't expecting the thread to still be running. Just spotted it!

I don't really know what I am supposed to add. I didn't post this in the first place to get flamed, I posted it because I had a real dilemma about whether I should hang onto the state school place.

I don't think I'm being selfish at all. My children are all important to me and I make no apologies for putting them first. DS1 has managed to get into a very well regarded selective independent school and I'm very proud of him for getting in. If we can send him to that school we will do. However I'm also sensible enough not to put my family into a financially difficult situation and if we can't afford the fees because DH loses his job then we will need to use the state system. I never once said that I was simply going to hang onto the place indefinitely and then just not turn up. Once we know what is happening with DHs job we will finalise our decision and if that means losing a large deposit on the private school then so be it. If DH loses his job it cuts our income in half overnight.

That's it. Nobody is adding anything new so decision made.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 01/05/2009 16:53

twofalls; by hedging your bets you are doing the best for your child...you're playing the game...people do it all the time...it isn't right, but that's the way it is.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 16:54

So when will you know and make your decision?

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 18:17

So when will you know what is happening with your DHs job? Have you got a cut off date in mind to say "I will keep the state school place until X date?" Because unless your DH has been told at work that decisions will be made on a certain date, he could be made reduandant this month, next month or next year - how do you know. If there was this much uncertainty in my life I would be turning down the private school but that isn't what this thread is about.

Fishnet (and others who agree with her) my child is also important to me, but I don't believe in treating other people badly in her name. What would that teach her about responsiblity? How would you feel if the tables were turned? That you were the one being left in limbo about which school your child was going to (your child who is the most important thing in the world to you) because someone was hedging their bets? I bet you would be pissed off. In fact, I can just see the AIBU thread now......

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 18:19

daftpunk, at least you can see it isn't right.

pinkfizzle · 02/05/2009 07:48

Twofalls I personally agree with your sentiments as I think this situation goes beyond self interest of one family and has wider ethical considerations for the community.

The bottom line appears to be we have a well paid lawyer (Fishnet) married to a well paid corporate lawyer who will act in their own self interest.... hardly surprising.

1dilemma · 02/05/2009 09:33

Fishnet I certainly didn't mean to inply that you just weren't going to turn up, I just pointed out that even if you just didn't turn up the family getting the place then would be just as grateful as the one getting it mow.

twofalls I disagree with you we are one of 300 children our LA hasn't offered any place to (and I think they will still be 150 places short come summer) but that school place is fishnets she is legally entitled to it for as long as she thinks she might need it. It is not her fault 300 children in our LA don't have a school place it is the LA ( also state applications only increased by I think 100 this year so it is not due to the credit crunch)

whilst it is one thing to say I would I havn't seen anyone on here say I gave up a state school place I thought I might need, turned out I did need it my dc was sent to the local school in special measures 3 buses and 1hr 20 minutes from home but I'm rejoicing in the warm glow of my altruism!

legalalien · 02/05/2009 10:31

can we cut the generalisations? I'm a well paid lawyer married to a well paid corporate lawyer and I've given up my place. sheesh.

pinkfizzle · 03/05/2009 06:47

legal alien - in answer to your question, yes. Fair comment.

I should have edited my previous comment before posting, as there was no need to reiterate the well paid legal connection between fishnet and her husband. Point taken.

2sugarsandapuppy · 03/05/2009 07:13

I can only answer from what I've seen from my best friend. Her child - amazingly - because she's not that bright - was admitted to one of the most academically challenging schools in Oxford.

She - by her own admission, doesn't think her child will get into the senior school. I just wish she'd put her there (the state school) in the first place. At least then it would have been an easier transition.

legalalien · 03/05/2009 10:14

pinkfizzle -thanks

hellywobs · 06/05/2009 18:25

Go down the state route. If your hubby keeps his job, you can transfer to private in a year's time. If he does lose his job, he'll have plenty of time to give your child any extra help they need.

Mind you, with a corporate lawyer salary you should have enough saved to cover the fees for at least a year or two anyway. In which case - give the state school place up.

And if you haven't got savings then don't go down the private school route at all - you always need money for contingencies and in your shoes, I'd sort out my finances before committing to 5-7 years' school fees.

Jajas · 06/05/2009 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

furrycat · 07/05/2009 09:09

Haven't read whole thread but you can't keep a state place as a back-up for ever, can you?

Your finances might change in two years time and what would you do then? If you're so nervous, go to the state school