AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

[fishnet]

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

It is very tempting to hedge your bets as long as possible but you know in your heart that it's not really fair on people who don't have the choices you do.

Why not make some proper contingency plans for what you would do if your husband is made redundant instead? Do some painless economies now for an emergency fund?

(My husband (also lawyer) was forced out of his job in Dec so I am speaking from experience. But we were very glad we chose state primary)

I don't think the fact that others may be waiting for a place is relevant. It might be the 'nice' thing to do, but if it prejudices your child's position, don't do it. Why should the feelings of someone else - who will no doubt have a place at a school elsewhere - come above your family's well-being?

I really don't get this 'moral obligation' on the OP to, in some small way, make up for deficiencies at local and national education policy.

If you have a genuine doubt over whether to go private, you have a space at a state school, you are entitled to it, and you can hold on to it until you make your decision.

I think that, for other reasons, you should make your decision soon. But that's not really what you are asking about.

I wonder if the level of vitriol would be different if you were holding the state place pending a decision on whether to home-school? Or whether to take a job at the other end of the country or abroad?

I've not read the whole thread, just the title and a few posts but my DD has not got into ANY of our choices.
I have been crying for 4 days.
I am angry and upset at the thought of my DD going to a school where she knows noone and having to find a new childminder for my DS who will pick up from DD's allocated school so I can do some work and help keep the house over our heads.

It seems very unfair on your part.

I think you have nerve to even post the question tbh, so yes YABVVVVVVVU.

We all want the best for our own children, some are in a position to be able to go private. For us, the finances don't stack up, but if we were contemplating it, I would certainly give up the place and save someone else sleepless nights, tension in their marriage and general worry and upset

If you are having doubts about affording private education I would go with the good state school you have been offered. It would be very disruptive on your child, if times got financially bad for you and you had to pull him out of the private school he was settled in and all his friends where at and send him to another school.
Whatever you decide I would do it soon as agree with some of the others that its not fair to hang onto a place you don't need. My son was declined our 2 choices of school and automatically allocated a place at a very rough school. We went through weeks of sleepless nights and unbelievable stress only to be allocated a place at our chosen school a week or so before the appeal because someone had changed their mind. You have every right to the place at the state school but if you really don't need it please let the powers at be know ASAP.

Even though I'm the recepient of such behaviour I do not think it is unfair. What I think it'll be unfair is not to notifie the school whenevr you do make a decision and just not turn up. That would be unforgivable tbh. Aside from that you are entitled to keep both places till you make a suitable decision.

"Look after number one" i.e hold both places for the time being, you are perfectly entitled to do so. I shall now be shot down in flames!

DS went to best state school in area. Rubbish compared with his current private school. No comparison at all.

What would we say to a toddler who held on to one of their toys even though they weren't playing with it? It is their toy, after all, they are entitled to it? All they are doing is just "looking after number one".

No obligation? Unbelievable!

I would do just what you are doing given the chance. We had a private school place and applied to state schools with a view to making a decision nearer the time based on what we were offered and what the job situation looked like.

But we weren't offered ANY state school place at all (preference or otherwise) so will just have to keep our fingers crossed that my husband isn't made redundant.

You are entitled to a state school place - being able to afford private (at the moment) doesn't mean you have to just hand it over.

to those who didn't get a school place surely that is the fault of the local education authority!

"Why should the feelings of someone else - who will no doubt have a place at a school elsewhere - come above your family's well-being? "

but isn't that the point - that there are a bunch of people out there who don't have a place at a school elsewhere?

And aren't we (don't we want to be, against the odds, else why would we be on mumsnet) members of society in some sense - whatever tht means? I can understand holding on to the state school place if there is a genuine dilemma as to whether to take it up or whether personal circumstanes might change -but surely there is a process of weighing up benefit to self vs detriment to others? Or am I hopelessly old fashioned?

I must that this debate about schools is tempting me to become actively involved in party politics for the first time in twenty years - if only because I am horrified at the prospect of people not being offered state school places...

we didn't get a place at any of our 3 preference schools despite fully intending to go the state route so, having felt how horrible it is to have no acceptable choices (allocated unsuitable school), I fully understand the temtation to hedge your bets and keep your options open - I wish I had done that more, applied to surrounding LEA's etc. So while the OP and many, many, many like her may be possibly keeping my child from receiving a place on the waiting list, I think she is doing the right thing for her child under the constraints of what is a terrible, flawed system (parental choice - what a joke).

The LEA's are to blame for this mess imo - or the politicos who are not providing funding for more school places.

OP - my dd1 was very brave and philosophical about not getting a place at our closest (and best) secondary school. A week later when she did get a post because somebody didn't do what you are planning she was so excited and happy she cried. Just think about that - there will be children waiting pretty desperately for this place and if you genuinely have financial uncertainty then should you even be thinking about private education anyway?

DD's friend and his brother are likely to have to change school midway through their education because there isn't a place for the younger sister to start in September.

It could be someone like you keeping a space that she could use "just in case".

A whole family's education messed up because you are hedging your bets?

at this thread!

'And its about a fallback'

OP you are being extremely unreasonable. Your 'fallback' is costing another child thier education, not to mention months of worry and stress to a family wondering about where the hell their child will be going to school. Surely you can see how important that is? I think you're being beyond selfish tbh, and the worst part of it is you don't seem at all sorry for doing it!

You are in such a fortunate position, you have the choice to choose which school to send your child to, unlike a lot of parents who have to take what they get offered and lump it.

Give up one of the places already! I think there should be a rule against doing this, so that you can only hold one place. For example, if you accept an offer, but reciveve another which you'd also like to accept, then you forfeit the origional school place. It would certainly make it much fairer on the poor parents waiting anxiously for months not knowing where their child will be going to school come September.

I think you should make your mind up quickly and talk to your dh. My thoughts are that you can always put your child into the private sector when things are better, later. Better that way round than having to take him out of the private school later (in 6 months, a year, 2 years) to find out there are no places left in the 'best' State School which as you say is massively oversubscribed already.

a month old
I didn't know TBH, but EldonAve looked to see if there was an update.

Funnily it's this thread is on discussions of the day!
fishnet where are you?

The issue is still current

It is possible that I might do what the OP wants to do. But I would be too bloody ashamed of myself for doing it to post on here about it!

Do you put your own child first? ALWAYS? I hope I don't!

Sorry, when I said 'you" I didn't mean specifically "you, shineon". I meant "Does one....." or "Should one....."

I think when it comes to school places everyone puts their own child first