AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

[fishnet]

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

Come on, we bought them into the world we have to act in their best interests primarily, surely? Obviously you would want to hope that didnt come at the expense of any other children but it's an imperfect world and for schools, there is always someone shat on at the bottom in the parental choice system (us, currently, my son got none of our preferences). I would never blatantly lie or cheat to get them into a school (like people I know did) but I would do my damnnest to make sure they get the best possible educational start I can arrange for them, and am doing. Is what the OP is doing really worse that all the people who pretended to be religious to get their children into schools, at the expense of children whose parents didn't - like mine? I don't think so.

And most people I know with children at private school are on a constant knife edge financially - not many have the guaranteed cash up front to go all the way.

< tries to feel sympathy for private school parents on a financial knife edge. Fails>

You see, I think people who pretend to be religious to get into a particular school are despicable too.

You should not be paying school fees out of income, I would not entertain the idea unless I had 7 years fees already saved in one vechicle or another and preferably spread across cash and share options.
If you haven't today got access to 2 years fees then you cannot risk sending him to private school in my opinion it's just not fair on the child.

Sorrento, that's a sweeping generalisation that takes no account of people's other circumstances. If everyone followed your advice most people in my social circle would need £100k in the bank - and we certainly don't! It might seem precarious to you to pay fees out of income but for most people it works fine. Would you suggest that no-one ever takes out a mortgage for the same reason?

I think i could live with the consequences of moving house before removing my child from their school and you can take out mortgage protection insurance can't you, never come across school fee protection insurance, maybe it exists ?

You can actually, although I imagine the premiums are pretty high in the current climate!

In my own experience, my children found moving house more stressful and upsetting that moving school. To keep the analogy, do you think having your house repossessed because you couldn't afford it would really be better than moving to another school? I'm not so sure.

agree with beckysharp - for children housemove far far worse than school move imo, maybe not so for the parent who has aspirations for such child.

have not read all the posts but just responding to OP and I just think you are being totally selfish, wanting you cake and eating it. There will no doubt be parents tearing out their hair as they have not got a place at the school and are waiting for people to drop off.

Either take it or give it up RIGHT NOW you greedy guts.

You have made me quite cross with you whimsical scardy pants greedy attitude.

This really is only about timing. Was it wrong that the OP applied to 2 places?...No...then the issue is really when she should drop one of the offers...either now or later. Someone was going to get disappointed on decision day which every way you look at it ...so now someone will find out now or later if they have a place. I appreciate the stress...been through it myself recently. It is just about holding your nerve...and being prepared to move even in the first week of term...but I think that people mentally move on. Where I live (grammar schools)...we have the same situation...I went to an open night in Sept and they had space as people did not give up the space til the last minute and then it was too late for other who had made other arrangements etc.

please give it up if you don't want it - if you need the state school in a year or two, apply then.

DS1 is at the nursery of a lovely state primary and we have been warned that he may not get a reception place - siblings/church element etc.

I am positively dreading the next few weeks, where I'll effectively be waiting for people like you to drop out.

DS1 will be really sad if he has to move and it will be a real shame if he has to - which he may do.

We can't afford private and neither can most people. You have a choice - use it fairly.

YABVU and incredibly selfish. I'm sure many parents would like the luxury of being able to choose, but unfortunately not all of use can afford to do what you're doing. Do the right thing and surrender the state place or take it up and free up the private school place. Either way you are preventing a family from sorting out their child's education.

I've come back to this to say that I think it is not fishnet keeping her options open that is preventing other parents from sorting out thier education but the LA failing to get itself sorted.

Our LA ( I think) is still predicting 150 reception children without a place in July.

Also please remember that whenever fishnet gives up her place it will go to a family that will be grateful whether that is this week, next week, July or September

Hi. OK here's my rambling thoughts ... It seems that you're keen for your child to go to the independent school otherwise you wouldn't have looked at route initially.

You say that money isn't an issue at the moment as DH is working. Lets face it - redundancy is a potential for a large proportion of the population, but it's a 'what if'. So I would say if that's what you want - go for it.

If things don't work out down the line and you have to review so be it. Yes it wil be disappointing, disruptive ... but it may not happen! And if it does you'll cope, you'll manage and it won't ruin your DS's life.

Trust me kids are more resilient than you think - I went to about 9 schools, ok I don't have a lifelong network of friends who've been with me since age 5 - but I do have a network of people I know. I learnt the skill of quickly fitting into new situations / roles and I'm able to just get on with whoever I'm with (mostly!), I came out of school with the results I was predicted to get. In other words in restrospect - I don't feel like I it ruined my life at all, quite the opposite.

So I'd say if you can afford it, and want it then go for it. Deal with the now and let the future sort itself out. Just my view.

Best wishes whatever you decide. But I would say please do make your mind up soon. I've got friends with kids waiting to find out if they can go to the same school as their siblings because spaces are limited.

Cheers

Surely those waiting for sibling places aren't affected by people like the OP - in most schools siblings get priority places

I think that if you child's private education depends on your DH NOT being made redundant, then you can't really afford private education.

Say you hang onto the state school place. that'll give you peace of mind for about 3 months. What about the next 7 years?

How come anyone is allowed to keep a place at state school open when they have accepted a place at an independent school?

AFAIR from when we applied to independent schools, you aren't allowed to accept places in two different independent schools.

You can accept multiple independent schools it's just a case of paying any necessary deposits

You can also accept more than one state school place if you apply to different boroughs
In fact we should have accepted our school in borough 1 temporarily as borough 2 offers came out a month later

I think you are being unreasonable.

yanbu...most parents would do it.

YABU keeping a place in case your 'economic circumstances change'. Someone who's economic circumstance means they can't afford independent schooling may need that place!

Again I wonder if the money and private thing has coloured this debate....With 2 boroughs it is the same thing....will everyone now jump on EldonAve?...who has done the same in the state sector...children/families still distressed...they have still lost a place..its the system that is wrong....and it will all come out in the wash.

"yanbu...most parents would do it. "

Daftpunk I think you are probably right but I find this kind of selfishness utter sad and indicative of the fact that people don't consider the society they live in - they just operate in their own little bubble without a thought for others. When will people realise that their deisions have an impact on other people?

Tell the school you don't want the place and let another family have the security of knowing their child is going to get into the school.

Or give up the private place and send him to the state school if it is a good one and save your self the money.

Either way, make a decision.

it is selfish twofalls, but i'm afraid i would do it.

i am totally against non-catholics being allowed into catholic schools...i do operate in my own little world.

So don't you see yourself as part of a wider society, where one person's actions have an effect on anothers? Do you have any sense of community or do you think "each to their own"? I think a general lack of thought for others is really damaging. I would be interesting to hear your take.