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Original poster

AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

228 replies

fishnet · 27/03/2009 14:29

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

OP posts:
daftpunk · 01/05/2009 11:03

no, i don't see myself as part of a wider society...i wouldn't want my dc going to a school where most of the pupils could barely speak english...would you?

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 11:29

eh? What's that got to do with it? My point is that like it or not, we live in a community. My actions have an effect on others and other people's actions have an effect on me. Therefore, I like to think I treat others with the same thought and respect that I want to be treated with. This seems pretty obvious and basic to me. I would not do as the OP is doing because I would not be happy if I was the person waiting for a school place whilst someone hung on to two.

This general selfishness and pervading "I'm alright Jack, sod the rest of you" culture that seems so prevelant is pretty damaging, imo. What are you teaching your kids about respect and consideration for others? It is what I am teaching my DD but it seems that she is going to be in pretty small minority if this thread is anything to go by.

daftpunk · 01/05/2009 11:44

"what's that got to do with it"

ok...how can i consider myself to be part of the wider society if i wouldn't want my dc going to school with poor people, or children from ethnic minorities who can 't even speak english?....i moved to suburbia..i sold out.

but...i'm very happy.....and of course i'm teaching my children to be respectful and considerate.

back to the question in the op....i would hold onto that school place, why not?...if i don't need it another child will get the place, it's not like it will go to waste is it.

ronshar · 01/05/2009 11:48

I havent read the whole thread so I apologise if repeating.

I think that you are being unresonable.
I had the horrible issue of DD2 not getting into DD1's school. Amazingly within 24hrs it turned out that some of the children who automatically had a place were taken off the list. I assume because they are going to one of the local privates.

I have friends who had to wait until the MORNING that term started to find out if their in catchment child was getting a place at the school.

So either way, regardless of which school you choose, dont hedge your bets. That means that there are parents of children who are desparate to know that they dont have to make two journeys to school each day.
Or having to choose which child has to wait on their own to be picked up. Or which child has to be very late every day.

Try to put yourself on the other side. It may make it easier to make the decision.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 11:50

How do you automatically get a place above siblings?

ronshar · 01/05/2009 11:56

Living closer, in care (sorry "looked after"), and special needs.

Yep really fair system.

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 11:57

"i wouldn't want my dc going to school with poor people, or children from ethnic minorities who can 't even speak english?...."

then

"i'm teaching my children to be respectful and considerate."

doesn't the second statement contradict the first?

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 12:02

"if i don't need it another child will get the place, it's not like it will go to waste is it."

ronshar's post sums up why it is not a good thing to do.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 12:03

ronshar - thanks, here sibs get in then it's proximity

ronshar · 01/05/2009 12:13

The great myth of having a choice laid bare for the politicians to see.
If they want to learn anything from Mumsnet then it ishould be how very shit the education system is in this country.

I bet they dont want to know about that as it means they might actually have to do something, rather than spend time arguing about how much money to line their own pockets with.

daftpunk · 01/05/2009 12:13

twofalls..you can be respectful and considerate without living in the same area...

there isn't one parent on mumsnet (or anywhere) who wouldn't send their child to the very best school they could...it's the one thing i am selfish about...my dc education is very important and i wouldn't compromise that just to be seen as a woolly liberal.

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 12:21

daftpunk, you are completely missing my point. This has nothing to do with sending your child to the best school, or where you choose to live . Its about considering others and hedging your bets in the way the OP is isn't considerate to others.

mulranno · 01/05/2009 12:31

Again I wonder if the money and private thing has coloured this debate....With 2 boroughs it is the same thing....will everyone now jump on EldonAve?...who has done the same in the state sector...children/families still distressed...they have still lost a place..its the system that is wrong....and it will all come out in the wash.

ClaireDeLoon · 01/05/2009 12:34

I saw this on the discussions of the day list and thought it said 'selfish to keep two otters?'

legalalien · 01/05/2009 12:35

I'm not sure what EldonAve's situation is, but surely the "similar" situation would be receiving firm offers from each borough, and accepting both of them with the intention of making a decision later. I don't think that's OK either.

daftpunk · 01/05/2009 12:42

twofalls..i'm not missing the point, this thread is about wanting the best school for a child..i would do what the op is doing.

you asked me if i consider myself part of the wider community,.....no i don't, and i gave you examples why

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 12:43

I think holding 2 state school places is different to 1 state school place and 1 private

mulranno · 01/05/2009 13:20

EldonAve...Why?...

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 13:28

because holding the private school place only affects the private school which is a private business

mulranno · 01/05/2009 13:33

EldonAve...that is not the case. In both situations a family is under stress waiting for a place to be relinquished. It is irrelevent whether the holder eventaully takes up a state or a private place.

GColdtimer · 01/05/2009 13:37

"this thread is about wanting the best school for a child..i would do what the op is doing."

But its not about wanting what is best for your child, its about hedging your bets. Simple as that. If that were the case the OP would make a decision and get off the fence and either take a definite place at the state school or give it up.

Legalalien, I agree, I wouldn't think that was right either.

legalalien · 01/05/2009 13:40

I do think, though, that it's OK to accept one borough, with an early acceptance date, and then make the decision once the offer from the second borough comes through (and then turn one down). if that makes sense.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 13:44

mulranno - the person on the private waiting list (assuming there is one) could try alternative private options or go state

mulranno · 01/05/2009 14:00

EldonAve..that does not make sense...there are the same number of places and children...it all comes out in the wash...what is causing the stress is someone holding on to 2 places at once. The "disappointee" has no idea and it is not relevent that somone is holding another state or private place. I just think that this debate has been coloured and fanned by the private angle and that is not relevant.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 14:05

I agree that there are the same number of children
Places not necessarily, more people may shift to state this year due to the recession
Certainly one local state school has added 30 places due to demand

Some schools will always have places as parents don't want to send their children there