AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

[fishnet]

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

Not sure I understand your point fishnet. You naturally have more choice if you go private than state. You are paying for a place and aren't dependent on catchment, which you are for state school. Obviously you can't predict the future but if there is a risk of not being able to afford school fees I'd be thinking long and hard about doing that. Or get your dh to switch to litigation - we're very busy!

Go with the state place. Why pay 70k + in fees if you don't have to?

You wont be able to keep it as a fallback past the start of the academic year, it isnt as if you will be able to keep the place for years.

but your fallback is no good if DH loses his job after september!

so why not take the state school place and do private for secondary?

you just can;t have it both ways

if you are uncertain , take the option that is safest

you should make your decision now. if you dont think your jobs are stable now whats it going to be like a year down the line?
i would go down the state route then theres no worry in future.
i can actually understand why you are holding on, loads are doing it just not voicing it like you.

You are doing what everyone else would do in your position - but you are particularly stupid to tell people about it. Why not show a bit more love and generosity?

Well, whilst I can understand why you want to keep the place as a fallback, what did you think would happen when you posted about it on here?

"Is it then fair that we could give up the place and then find we need it which would leave DS without a place?"

Fair doesn't come into it. You are trying to have your cake and eat it too when someone else is probably worrying themselves silly about where their child is going to go for school, as the place has been taken up by someone messing about.

YABVU.

It's common sense really, isn't it? Just put him in the good state school and stop worrying.

You say your husband's job isn't secure - well why would it be any more secure three years down the line?

Things will probably be fine which is why we've paid the hefty deposit for the independent. However if things went wrong in the next few months then we might decide we have to sacrifice the deposit and go state for primary school. Why is it so wrong to have a back up.

I'm not quite sure why I'm stupid to post this. The whole point is that its an anonymous forum so that people can have a debate. I was undecided what to do so I thought I'd ask for views. I'm quite happy to hear all views but I am allowed to respond you know!

I can understand why parents in this situation do hold on to the places - we are all selfish when it's our own children. Doesn't mean it the 'right' thing to do and people on MN will support it! Replies are not that surprising...

I also feel sorry for the child who could potentially get your 'inde' school place - but less so as the private second choice is probably better than the state second choice.

You aren't making sense - once you have committed him to private education and given up the state school place, why do you think you will be able to afford the fees a year on?

And if you are pretty sure you will be able to afford them, why hold on to the state school place?

EH?

I can understand the desire for a fallback, but really, it's only any good if anything happens between now and September, and if there is 'very little work around' and 'hundreds of lawyers are being made redundant', there is obviously reason to believe your DH might be one of them. So if you are fortunate enough to have a place at the best state school in the area, take it! Then, if the economy stabilises and your DH has more work and things look more secure, you could look at private education later.

If you feel the need for a fallback at all then clearly you have reason to believe financing private education might be a problem, in which case don't do it.

You seem to be taking a rather short term view of an important life decision.

Because smallorange DHs job is only unsecure due to the recession and these things are always cyclical. In a few years things will pick up and he will be busy again.

'Why is it so wrong to have a back up'

because another family will be going through hell worrying about their child's education! It is really tough for the other family and you could help them - be kind

What smallorange said. The financial side just doesn't make sense - you can either afford it right from the start or you can't. You can either risk it now, or you can't.

It's not your dilemma as such that's the problem - it's the 'it's my right to do this' inference that's the problem.

Fishnet - my question is only really why you think it might be something that is resolved definitively, or even vaguely, between now and September? The global economic wobble, as you obviously know, is going to continue for the very forseeable future.

If I were in your shoes, the question wouldn't so much be about whether to let the state school place go (though I'd be holding onto it until I had thought through everything), it would be about whether or not I wanted to face the next 3, possibly more years stressing about the notion of having to yank DC's out of private and put them into state, which is massively disruptive for them. Also, you may at that point not actually get into the great state school he's currently offered in.

I'm not judging, as I'm in the midst of much a state vs independent quandry myself at the moment, but in yours shoes, give you have a place at a great state school, I would be jumping at the free option. But then, my preference would be for state school, as long as DD and DS get offered places at a decent one.

that is v unreasonable.give it up to someone who needs it and deserves it.It will make their summer!

Honestly herbietea, probably not - because then I could let go of it knowing that if the worst came to the worst and we had to give up the private school place then I would be in no worse a position than I would be in now (ie in the worst school) so it wouldn't make any difference.

Actually then we'd probably move.

This is just daft.
As a corporate bod he must have been making enough to stack some away for the lean times.
Like you say these things are always cyclical.

Partly sycamoretree because the redundancies at DHs firm are going on now. Once they reduce headcount they will be able to ride out the storm. If he escapes with his job over the next couple of months he should be ok.