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Original poster

AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

228 replies

fishnet · 27/03/2009 14:29

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

OP posts:
apostrophe · 27/04/2009 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippyMinton · 27/04/2009 21:41

LOL at apostrophe

Quattrocento · 27/04/2009 21:46

I understand your nervousness about the current economic environment. However I don't think that waiting will help you actually. All the large and mid-tier firms have downsized at least once. 2010 will almost certainly be worse than 2009. There is no such thing as certainty. If you don't have enough in the bank to ride out the storm if it happens to you personally, then you have to take a realistic view of the risks now.

SmileyMylee · 27/04/2009 22:18

Fishnet,

I'm going to go out on a limb and disagree with the other posters (the glass or two of wine has obviously made me brave tonight.)

I think you should hold onto the place.

Before I'm flamed, I should let you know that I have two DD who are at a good state primary and my DS has been offered a place at a terrible state primary several miles away. I have no idea how I am going to do a school run to drop of children in opposite directions at exactly the same time. This is causing me extreme anxiety, but I would not suggest you gave up your place so that my child could have yours IYSWIM (although for selfish reasons I would).

However I would also caution that this downturn will not be finished this year. Think long and hard about what would happen if your DH was made redundant in November or December. If you cannot raise enough funds to keep your DC in school for at least 2 - 3 years (enough time to find another job and continue with the independent education) you should go the state route. You will not have the same choices later. So many friends have had to take their children out of the independent sector and have been left with poorer choices than if they had gone the state sector route several years ago and the children have had the extreme disruption of moving school.

If necessary concentrate on building up savings so that you can guarantee that you have the cash so that they can complete their education.

islandofsodor · 28/04/2009 08:46

I was actively encouraged by the LEA(to the extent that they wrote to me and I spoke to them on the phone) to apply for a state school place for ds even though he was due to start at the same independent school as his sister already attends.

I explained that I wouldn't need a state school place and they told me I shoudl apply anyway just in case (I didn;t).

So I can understand where the OP is comsin from.

However if the deadline has passed for accepting school places from both schools and the deposit has been paid now should be the time to relinquich one of them. You will probably find that you would be liable for the first terms fees in lieu anyway.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 28/04/2009 09:29

I find it hard to believe this is a real situation and not just a trolling to wind up MNers.

EldonAve · 28/04/2009 09:55

I don't think the OP is a troll

gonaenodaethat · 28/04/2009 09:56

I would take the state school option. The best state school in the area.
Why wouldn't you? Especially if you can't really afford the alternative.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 28/04/2009 10:01

Send him to state school if it's fantastic and give yourself a break!

Wouldn't it be lovely to think about the money you might save just in case your dh lost his job. If you sent him to the state school and then dh managed to hang onto his job you would have extra for tutors/fancy extra activities/school trips.

At least go and visit the state school - you might really love it.

I would send them to the state school but if I still wasn't convinced I would hang on to the state school place until the summer holidays - plenty of time then to hand the place back and for parents to prepare themselves.

CountessDracula · 28/04/2009 10:07

Are we talking primary here?
Why not go with the state option? You can always move them later once things have stabilised if you want to.

As someone who turned down a place at a highly selective independent school in favour of a brilliant state primary I can tell you that I have not ever for one moment regretted it. It was not for financial reasons btw.

CountessDracula · 28/04/2009 10:08

(oh and it takes away a LOT of angst if your dh does get made redundant. I haven't worked since xmas and tbh I am not bothered as dd's school place is secure and we can afford to live)

1dilemma · 28/04/2009 11:02

Speaking as someone who didn't get any of her 4 choices and is relying for a school place on someone doing just what I expect you are about to I would keep both places for as long as you needed to.

That way the place in the best state school will go to someone who really really wants it and is prepared to move their dc in the first week of term rather than the next richest person along the street!!

[BTW either I've got corporate lawyers salaries very wrong or I expect private school fees are easily affordable on one salary]

However to answer the op YABU but normally so and the way a lot of other people would be if they had the opportunity.

legalalien · 28/04/2009 14:12

Ha - I just posted on another thread on exactly this subject. Having read the post by someone who doesn't have a school place, I'm giving my place up today. [self righteous smile emoticon]. I am reasonably confident that there will not be a significant change in our circumstances in the next three months (I've just come out the other side of a lengthy redundancy process). If it all goes that badly wrong we'd move back to the southern hemisphere, in all likelihood.

1dilemma · 28/04/2009 14:56

thanks legal only another 8 or 111 to go depending on which school

[funnily enough I've just been googling work ops in Oz, Darwin took my fancy for the Winter theirs not ours!]

PrimulaVeris · 28/04/2009 15:08

Well done legalalien

1dilemma - I disagree that if you hang on to place "will go to someone who really really wants it and prepared to move their dc in first week of term" ... my dd and 2 others eventually got her (secondary) place during late summer as the places freed up (or so I found out later) by those hanging on who'd already accepted private places. I also know of 2 children in year above who did have to wait until first term for their place. Just to say - there is a financial outlay - complete set of uniform, non-refundable deposits for 'bonding weekend' at new school but most importantly the weeks of anxiety we all had checking the LEA waiting lists every fortnight whilst all her friends were looking forward to their new schools. 'Twas a miserable few months for all.

Madsometimes · 29/04/2009 12:32

Fishnet, count your blessings. You have been given a place at the best state school in your area. Take the hit on the term's deposit you have paid at the independent school and send your dc to the state school.

As you say, recessions are cyclical, but also remember that unemployment is a lagging indicator. ie. We have not yet seen the unemployment that this recession is going to throw at us. If your dh keeps his job, pay the school fees into your savings or mortgage, and send your child to a top class school at 7 or preferably 11.

Do not send your child to a school that you cannot afford to keep her at if circumstances change. If you have savings for 2 years school fees, plus mortgage and living, then cancel the state school place. Otherwise, cancel the private school place.

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 29/04/2009 12:55

because my daughter has not been offered a place yet I am selfishly and definitely going to say YABVU!!! But who know, maybe I'd do the same. Please if you leave near me give me the place

thirtysomething · 29/04/2009 13:01

I can understand your dilemma as we have a similar situation in that DS got a place at an oversubscribed state school for September and we've accepted a place at an independent school instead. I wrestled with the same issues as you, as it seemed like a major step rejecting the state school place - however I reasoned that you can't predict everything in life and that it just wasn't fair for us to hold on to his state school place knowing that other children needed it, so I informed the LEA we wouldn't be needing it.

I think at the end of the day you have to weigh up all the differen factors and then make a decision based on that and your conscience. You wouldn't be the first person to hold on to two places I imagine!

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 29/04/2009 13:06

You are really lucky to be offered a place at the best state school - there's a saying 'if in doubt, leave it out' so if there's any question about your finances being dodgy IMO take the state option. Maybe wait until secondary or later juniors for the independent option.

Others are not so lucky, my dd has a little friend who has to take a reception place at her catchment school, not her mum's choice, and they are so disappointed.

Swedes · 29/04/2009 14:47

A friend of mine applied for a state school place as back-up for her DD in case she didn't get a place at the selective independent. School allocation came back for a school that wasn't even on friend's shortlist (and not even in same town). In the meantime she received confirmation that her DD had got her place at the independent. But friend v honestly considered appealing to the LEA because she was so outraged at being offered such a dreadful school...... even though she no longer wanted a place at all.

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 29/04/2009 15:54

I'm so happy about this thread. This mean that up to the last minute my dd has got a chance to get into one of the schools we applied! Thankd god.

wonderingwondering · 29/04/2009 17:09

We've had the same situation: trying to decide between state and private. But I think you really need to make a decision. As others have said, if you can afford it long-term, go for it and release the state place. If you have ANY doubts, why put yourselves under the pressure?

I personally have very real doubts about the benefits of pre-prep: they are a fairly recent innovation and strike me as money-making enterprises rather than really conferring an educational benefit over a good state infant school.

I don't actually think you are being unreasonable in holding both places: if I were on an NHS waiting list and decided to pay for private healthcare, should I have to give up my place on the list too? No - I'm a taxpayer and I'm entitled to a place at the nearest school/treatment in hospital etc. The fact that others also want the same thing is irrelevant.

But I think you do need to make a long-term decision as to your child's education - not 'we've got enough money this month' type of decision which if you wait until August to decide, you risk doing.

My DH is a lawyer (as am I), similar level to your DH, but the money wasn't a factor. We made a decision based on what we wanted for our DS. We decided state infant then reassess school/progress/our son/finances at 7 for prep school.

Hulababy · 29/04/2009 17:33

Ah - is this what the other thread I posted about is all about?

DD got offered a place at a local good state school. By the time it got through we'd already been offered, and accepted, a place at a private prep school. We declined the state school place the same day the offer came through and I assume it went to the next person on the waiting list.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/04/2009 17:36

Make up your mind one way or the other so at least 2 families don't have to wait for your decision.

Hulababy · 29/04/2009 17:42

Why would you think the OP was a troll? Loads of people do this and keep their state school place open, as fall back in case anything happened.

We knew that, at the time, we didnt need the fall back. So we gave up our place promptly.

However, if you aren't sure - for example there are possible redundancies in your firm int he next two months, but you know that once they are over they'll be no more, then I can see why someone might want to hold onto a state school place as well, just inc ase they are the unlucky ones in the firm. Not necessarily the moral thing to do, but perhaps best for their own child at the time.

I hate the idea of people not declining their place at all and just not turning up. Give it up as soon as you sensibly can.