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Education

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Original poster

Would you send your child to the secondary school where their dad works as a teacher.

99 replies

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:24

My partner has just got a new job at the local secondary, which is the feeder school to where we live. Its the only secondary for the main 2 small towns and surrounding villages. Does anyone have experience of this situation, good or bad.
My partner wants dd to go there, but i have reservations. What do you think?

OP posts:

beansmum · 23/08/2008 19:26

My mum taught at the secondary school I went to, she taught me for two subjects and it was fine. I can't think of a single problem actually.

orangehead · 23/08/2008 19:26

What does your dd think, or she is not that age yet

SqueakyPop · 23/08/2008 19:27

My DD is about to join me in my school.

I have taught my son when he was in prep school and I very much liked being an insider in his education.

AMumInScotland · 23/08/2008 19:27

A boy in my class at school was the son of a teacher. So far as I know it was never an issue for either of them.

Original poster

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:29

no not that age yet, shes only 5. this is a job for life for him.

OP posts:

verybigbird · 23/08/2008 19:30

If the dad was loathed by the other kids, might think twice. If he was a cool teacher that most of the kids liked, less of a problem!

If your DD felt he was cramping her style, do they have, or could they use, different surnames?

RustyBear · 23/08/2008 19:30

My SIL went to the school where both her parents taught and hated it - but it was the only school for miles (DH went to the Cathedral school 20 miles away, but that was boys only)

SIL always thought both parents went too far to avoid being accused of favouritism - she never won prizes in either of their subjects, depite coming top in exams- and she felt they were much harder on her than on the others. She begged them to send her to boarding school, but they wouldn't & she still feels bitter about the whole thing nearly 40 years later.

beansmum · 23/08/2008 19:31

Do you have any alternative if it's the only school?

Original poster

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:31

i worry that she will never have freedom away from us and she will resent that.

OP posts:

FanjolinaJolly · 23/08/2008 19:32

I went to the school a parent taught at.Obviously I was never in their class!!It was a bit weird with regard to being taught by other teachers in the department they taught in as I had met them in social circs and knew their first names,kids etc etc and it was a bit odd it then being in a teacher/pupil scenario.Other than that it was pretty OK.Not many people knew.The only person who gave me any hassle was a horrid TEACHER!! who was pretty universally disliked by staff and pupils alike and used to delight in sending me on stupid errands with notes to parent,for no other reason than making life a misery and showing me up with sarky comments.Grrrr!!!

Original poster

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:34

yes, but in another town 7 miles away. a girls school, but we dont believe in single sex ed, a COE school, but were not religious. and a top selective state school. Everyone tends to go to this local school from the 2 towns.

OP posts:

beansmum · 23/08/2008 19:38

Going to the local school with all the local kids is probably the best plan, but you'll really have to wait and see if she is bothered when the time comes.

SqueakyPop · 23/08/2008 19:39

I think they are actually quite skilled at detaching themselves from you, tbh. There have to be ground rules - they call you Mr or Mrs whatever, and you do not conduct any family business at school. You don't make excuses for them when they have forgotten their kit etc. Most important, you do not share any staff-only information with them, and you don't get them to spy on their peers.

We do greet anyone we pass in the corridor, but if yours is a school where you ignore children as they change classes, you also have to ignore your own child.

The only acknowledgement of my relationship with DD is that we will both be in the same House, and that she will be in early mornings and stay for prep most afternoons. Other than that, she will be just like any other pupil.

I imagine that I will cringe in the staffroom every so often, but aslo that my colleagues will be discreet if they need to whinge. I have also heard that if a card circulates for staff to write their opinions about DD, that it will not be done in the usual way (pinned on the staffroom notice board).

Original poster

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:45

I worry about dd being treated differently from other pupils, either in a good or bad way. The problem is she wont know wether she likes it or not until she goes there. If she hates it then its too late to change.

OP posts:

FanjolinaJolly · 23/08/2008 19:51

That's true,Squeaky Pop

tbh I did not see much of said parent as it was a large secondary comprehensive.I was never given any preferential treatment.As a teenager I would've been pretty mortified if parent HAD stopped for a chat!!It may be a little different in primary I suppose.Saying that my ds starts school in September and the deputy heads son is in ds's class.I met him at the meet and greet thing and he was a sweetie.I am sure that the teaching staff will be professional

SqueakyPop · 23/08/2008 19:53

How big is the school, Cascade? Is your DD likely to be taught by your DH at some point?

My school is tiny, maximum 30 pupils in a year. I will probably teach DD at some point, either in GCSE years and certainly if she chooses my A-level subject.

I am not worried.

When I taught my DS in his prep school, I did manage to upset some of his classmates. When they whinged about me in prep, some of the other boys said, "hey, that's A's mum you are talking about" - they soon realised how insensitive they were to him and apologised.

If your DD completely detatches herself from your DH at school - no father/daughter relationship at all - the kids will not hold anything against her.

If they are horrid to her because of your DH, then she needs to say, "you feel like that? Try living with him" - and she will never have any problems from there on.

Original poster

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:58

Its 1200 pupils, no he will not be teaching her. I know this as my 2 nephews attend the school and they have arranged it so they are not in his year group or teaching classes.

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/08/2008 20:19

My parents both taught in the secondary school that me and my brother attended.

As the number of pupils exceeded 1200 it really wasn't a problem.

We did make sure that we didn't behave in a manner that drew attention to it, though. I had one or two teachers though who behaved extremely badly - i.e. showed me favouritism, but thankfully my classmates were generally on my side as it was so cringeworthy.

I was lucky in that neither of my parents actually taught me. My brother had a different experience, though. One of his subjects was a specialist one (he didn't get to choose it, you were just allocated that subject) and it happened to be one that my dad taught, as he was the only teacher of the subject.

roisin · 24/08/2008 16:05

I feel quite strongly about this actually. My ds1 is going to secondary this year and there is no way I would want him at my school. If I genuinely thought it were the best school for him, I would think very seriously about applying elsewhere myself.

At the secondary where I work I know/have known 5 children whose parents taught in the school. Three of these had considerable problems, and it becomes very difficult all-round: for all staff and for the students themselves.

The 4th family have two children, and afaik have had very few difficulties. But the two children concerned are very "middle-of-the-road", well-behaved, and not particularly striking in any way.

I think if you have very "usual/average/normal" children it's easier.

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/08/2008 16:08

I take great pride in the fact that by the time I reached the upper sixth there were still pupils in the lower sixth who didn't know who I was/my parents were - and we have a fairly unusual surname. So we did manage to keep it quiet.

Not sure if I was "usual/average/normal" though

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 16:08

What kind of problems did these children have, roisin?

/concerned mother-teacher of soon-to-be Year 7.

roisin · 24/08/2008 16:16

It's just very easy for staff to treat staff children differently - better or worse it's unfair, and teenagers hate it.

If there are issues some staff parents are very quick to jump in and start slinging stuff, others are very reticent. Either way it's very hard.

If there are problems, it's hard to find where the boundaries are between staff/parent. A good friend of mine eventually got her dh to make an appointment to sort something out with a teacher, because she felt she couldn't separate the two roles, and it was very awkward.

I always try and treat a 'staff child' the same as any other, but it is very difficult. If you just have a serious incident with a child, but not one that you would normally contact a parent about but just follow school procedures, but then you see the parent 5 mins later in the staffroom and they are a good friend of yours ...

believeintheboogie · 24/08/2008 16:20

My dd went to the same school I taught at and my uncle also teaches at the same school as his son and neither had issues, infact when my nephew had none related issues with another boy it was sorted immediatley because he worked along side the other staff.

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 16:21

Ah, I've already been mentored about those kinds of issues. I think I mentioned the groundrules earlier in this thread. It is vital to stay professional and not let your child have inside knowledge, and to not get them to spy for you.

I think if a child gets pressure from their peers, they just need to say the 'try living with her' line - I've already told DD this - apparently, this line will cut any 'bullying' dead in its tracks for the rest of their school career.

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 16:22

I agree about getting DH to do the parent-school relationship.

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