Would you send your child to the secondary school where their dad works as a teacher.

[cascade]

My partner has just got a new job at the local secondary, which is the feeder school to where we live. Its the only secondary for the main 2 small towns and surrounding villages. Does anyone have experience of this situation, good or bad.
My partner wants dd to go there, but i have reservations. What do you think?

Trying to find pull together the main objections here.

Held to a higher standard of behaviour - I can see that but I also value it.

Bullied because parent is a teacher - that's a case of how the child handles the situation and they need to be coached before arriving at school.

Nothing to talk about at home because school stuff was off limits - I can see that, but I don't think it will be an issue in our family

Higher standard of behaviour - unfair
Being coached to deal with bullying because of parent's choice - unfair

I think that's alot of pressure to put on a child - pooor thing.

I struggle to see why, HG. I don't think there are any reasons for any of my children's behaviour to slip. Being there just means that they are more accountable. I really don't buy into the notion that they shoudl be allowed to be naughty.

I taught two of my HoD's children as an NQT, and his neice and nephew as well. He didn't teach either of them until one of them did his A level. They all seemed happy with the arrangement.

But it's not about being allowed to be naughty. It's about the erosion between home and school. It means that your child has no space of their own. School is an important place to grow up (I'm talking secondary here) and to form your own identity. Things that you do at school which might just warrant being told off, or that just annoy the teacher on a particular day get back to your parent, and they react as a parent, not as a teacher. So you get parented at school, which I think is really unhelpful. I generally got on well with the teachers I liked, but like all kids disliked some teachers and some subjects. That's pretty normal I think. So in the staff room the teachers I didn't like would moan about me if I was rude or irritating (as teachers do). This would obviously embarrass my mother, and therefore she would have a go at me. Even worse if they were her personal friends (and it is likely that teachers will make friends with other teachers). Also my mother taught a subject where personal experience was important, so I'd get kids coming up to me saying "is it true that..." again erosion of my personal space. Then friends. Many of my friends liked my mother, and that made it very difficult for me (did they like me, or my mum?). I also felt that I couldn't bring them home after school (esp. if they were not keen on my mum). Also if anyone slagged off my mum (again normal for some kids to dislike some teachers) I felt I had to defend her. Not something I wanted to be drawn into really, esp as my own relationship was so ambiguous.

Teenage years are difficult enough without adding this sort of complication. There is no way I would ever ever do it to a child of mine. But maybe for some it is not a problem. Perhaps in a big enough school or where relationships between parent and child are less intense it might not matter. For me and my mother it poisoned our relationship (I am still angry about it, despite 15 years and lots of counseling!). I would not take that risk.

but we're talking HIGHER standard of behaviour. Not it 'slipping!' . It's unfiar because they need to be held to the SAME level of behaviour as other kids, not higher. Higher is pressure.

I would have hated it. My Mum is/was a teacher and also ran the local youth group. I didn't go to the school - the youth group was bad enough! I think that it does depend to a certain extend on the personalities involved - my Mum had a big personality and was very popular - and so I felt in her shadow just from the out-of-school stuff. At least in school I had my own space.
I am pretty sure that if we had been at the same school that I would have rebelled quite badly, just to show that I wasn't my Mum's daughter.

/shrug I expect my children to have exemplary behaviour, whether I am on the premises or not. YMMV

disclaimer: this might be an independent school thing.

yes but you seem unable to see that it's unfair to expect MORE in the school environment of your children than all the others. I'm truly sorry for your kids

And no, It's not an independent school thing as you so snidely put it. Many (most) kids go to state and their behaviour is expected to be perfectly fine.

I just don't want to pander to bad behaviour. I would be horrified if my children behaved badly in school. If my presence helps them to behave well, then great.

Have you ever taught in state school, HG?

I've been in lots, including 'outstanding' ones, and they have convicted me in my choice to go independent for my children. Behaviour is the no. 1 reason. The zero tolerance approach is very popular amongst parents.

oh god why can't you see I am not saying they should be able to behave badly - you were stating that you would welcome them being held to a HIGHER standard of behaviour, which IMO is unfair, discriminatory and pressurising and will engender resentment in them and possibly mark them out even more for bullying.

Is it that you mean HIGHER as in, better than state? Because people were meaning IMO HIGHER as in HIGHER than other kids in the same CLASS, which is why i'm making the points I'm making!

But I want my child to have the highest possible standard of behaviour. I don't see it as discriminatory. That would imply that they were somehow losing out but I don't get that at all.

"As for me an my house, we will serve the Lord"

well, then I am sorry for your kids and believe me, they won't thank you for it and it won't pay off. They would resent it.

PARP

OK. So you expect your children to obey every rule all the time and you think that being 'coached' will stop bullying?

I don't give a toss about behaviour in state schools when in comes down to how my children behave in their classes. Because appalling behaviour exists, it doesn't mean that my children should stoop to those levels. It's not really a comparative thing.

Yes!

well, bullying targeted at being a fac brat. If there are other reasons, then no, not necessarily. But fortunately, the ethos of the school means that bullying is very unlikely.

That's not the experience of my colleagues who have already been through this. I'm sorry you don't agree.

Er, I went to a private school and the teacher's children had huge hassles. The ones that coped well were the ones whose parents were popular teachers. The ones whose parents were unpopular were 'untouchable'. No-one wanted to sit near them or talk to them. They were never given the chance to use the 'imagine what it's like to live with her' line.

Having to un-parp as hadn't taken this thread off watch which I will do now! I just wanted to say possibly the difference is squeaky that colleagues may have had a more intelligent approach. I can't imagine they wanted their kids treated differently (as in having HIGHER expectations of behaviour from them than from others in the class).

I think you might benefit from re reading the thread and opening your mind a little

I don't think private/state differences are the main point here, really. The important point is the one that nooka has made- your child is stuck with you in your domain. The experiences on here suggest that there is a chance they may have some problems with that at some point and so may you. Sorry, SP, but I think you are unrealistic to think that it definitely won't be an issue (though I hope it is not.).

thanks for all your replies, the negative issues that have been raised are exactly my worries. I am a teacher myself, but only no of one child that parent was at. Inner london so most teachers live far away from school. Where we have moved to its more rural. My main issue is that i want my dd to be treated normally and have her own identity, i.e not mr so and so daughter.