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Would you send your child to the secondary school where their dad works as a teacher.

99 replies

cascade · 23/08/2008 19:24

My partner has just got a new job at the local secondary, which is the feeder school to where we live. Its the only secondary for the main 2 small towns and surrounding villages. Does anyone have experience of this situation, good or bad.
My partner wants dd to go there, but i have reservations. What do you think?

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 24/08/2008 16:26

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

I think it is an extremely bad idea. All the children at my secondary school who were related to teachers had a horrendous time and were the objects of either ridicule or pity. Everyone always knew, despite it being a massive school. No chance of happy anonymity and making your own mark, be you ever so nice/cool/interesting. Rather it was an infallible way to become known and almost invariably unpopular with both children and staff across the school from the moment you crossed the threshold. Always some teachers who would bring it up with children if they stepped even a millimetre out of line and threaten to go direct to their parents. Always some kid wanting to tell you your dad is a dickwad or that they can't understand how some bastard like you could be related to their very lovely English teacher. And honestly, it wasn't a bad school for the ordinary non-teacher related punter such as myself. I would go so far as to say it was short-sightedly selfish of the teacher-parents concerned to inflict this on their babies, in fact. Don't make their mistake unless there is no other school in the region!

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 16:31

Sounds like they missed out on professionalism.

It shouldn't be a problem.

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/08/2008 16:31

I would do it again in a heartbeat, ScummyMummy.

mrz · 24/08/2008 16:38

I agree with roisin it very much depends on the child and to a certain extent the other children in the school.

ScummyMummy · 24/08/2008 16:39

I'm really glad you had a positive experience, BIWI and that your dd is ok with things SP. But I do agree with Roisin that the whole thing is fraught with danger. And sorry, SP, but I think it's telling that you and dd have to explicitly detach for both your survivals. Basically a proper parent/child relationship is not compatible with a teacher/child relationship so you have to take precautions. Just shows how difficult it all is really.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2008 16:46

I just typed a long post, but decided to delete it, and will keep this short.

My mother taught at my high school, and although she was a popular teacher, my life was miserable. It was quite a rough school, which didn't help; many people presumed I was "posh" as my mum was a teacher.

I see I'm waffling agian. Personally, I would do it, cascade.

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 16:46

I'm in a private school where it is quite normal to have fac brats. I really think the children have more to gain (from others sliming up to them), than they have to lose.

I think DD is able to accept why she has to call me Mrs SP, rather than Mum. She is astute enough.

I don't think we will have too much blurring of the boundaries. It helps that my DD has the type of personality that she does. She will definitely not assume any priveledges.

luckylady74 · 24/08/2008 16:47

It would be sheer heaven if ds1 could attend dh's school because dh would stop any bullying before it started and with ds1's special needs that's my worst fear. Sorry if that sounds unfair!
I had several children at my school who had staff as parents and the only thing they moaned about was having to hang around at the end of the day.
If it's a 'difficult' school I think discretion would be a good tack.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2008 16:48

Would NOT do it!!!!

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2008 16:50

The private school I moved on to did have several children of teachers, and as far as I know, they were all quite happy, so it must depend on the type of school (and the type of pupil?).

snigger at the term "fac brats" never heard it before!

HonoriaGlossop · 24/08/2008 17:47

I really wanted to go to the school my mum taught at (because my best friend was going there) and it was the ONLY thing I remember having a family argy bargy about; I really wanted it and my mum just would not countenance it.

I am very grateful that she stuck to her guns now though; I can see she was protecting me and good for her for not caving in. I went to school with two boys who were bullied mercilessly because one was the son of a teacher and one the son of our vicar (church school).

HonoriaGlossop · 24/08/2008 17:49

yes obviously it depends on the type of school! In my inner city comp it is not the FIRST thought in their minds to 'suck up' to the teacher's kid! it really is another planet, isn't it

ScummyMummy · 24/08/2008 17:53

Sure is, hg! Though I must say that a possible default position of being sucked up to doesn't sound all that much more appealing than one of being vilified in terms of being able to make friends and enjoy school life, tbh.

Heated · 24/08/2008 17:54

It's quite common in our school and they aren't always the best behaved children but it's no big deal.

Judy1234 · 24/08/2008 18:50

Most parents manage it fine. My son's father was at the school my son was at (where he got a virtually free place) for 8 years and was really careful to show no preference indeed even ensuring I knew no gossip, complete Chinese wall very professionally done.

HonoriaGlossop · 24/08/2008 19:15

yes but most parents aren't in the sort of school your ds went to, Xenia....

bloss · 24/08/2008 19:40

Message withdrawn

SqueakyPop · 24/08/2008 19:40

You are obviously not worthy of a point of view, Xenia.

ja9 · 24/08/2008 19:55

Very interesting thread! Dh has just started teaching in our local secondary school. Ds hasn't even started primary school yet but i'm aware that dh could well still be at the school when ds gets there and although dh thinks it would be fine, i would rather it didn't happen...

nooka · 24/08/2008 20:25

Do not do this! Really. Don't. My mother taught at my school and it was not a happy time for either of us. Or indeed for my classmates. It destroyed my relationship with my mother to the extent that my father agreed to send me to boarding school at my request. It took many years for me to forgive my mother.

I had two other children in my class with teachers as parents, and it wasn't much fun for them either.

For me it was about my mother invading my territory. It was my school, and then she came and worked there (at the instigation of my headmistress). It was a small school, and she had to teach me. Everyone knew both of us. She knew everything about my school life, all the little incidents that no one would have brought up with a parent, but she found out because she was there. I got crap from kids who didn't like her, and then had little support from friends when I didn't get on with my mum, because they said she was so nice, and so easy to talk to. Well not for me!

I was very angry with my mother, and I expressed this by refusing to call her "Mrs x", and disrupting her lessons whenever I could. A pity, because she was actually a very good teacher. But then her friends in the staff room called me by my family nickname, which I absolutely hated (I didn't like them and felt they were trading on their privileged relationship). I really don't think it is either fair or effective to pretend that you are not in fact related.

Also because she was very professional it meant that she never talked about school, so we had nothing to talk about after school (no how was your day type stuff).

Of the two other kids with parent teachers, one was always known as "little x(teacher's name)" which she hated (she had a nervous breakdown, probably not related), and the other went completely off the rails.

Maybe in a very big school there would be less problems (mine was three form entry). But I think it is a very very unfair thing to do.

Judy1234 · 24/08/2008 21:04

Laughing at the thought of a school where a child is teased because others think they must be posh because their parent is a teacher.....

Children will be bullied everywhere for all kinds of reasons. I don't think having a parent teaching at the school has to cause a problem. It never did with us and to save yourself nearly £10k a year in fees is quite a good perk as a teacher. I don't see why it matters at all. I think my son wasn't taught by his father except for two years and then he was just treated like any other boy in the class.

HonoriaGlossop · 24/08/2008 22:38

oh, me too Xenia

the underclass are so amusing, are they not!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 24/08/2008 22:44

My mum was a teacher at my secondary school and taught me. I would have prefered it that she wasn't a teacher there but in all honesty it didn't really cause me any problems. I had some mild teasing from one or 2 idiot boys. Mainly though I just didn't like the idea that she might be hearing stuff about me from the other teachers.

LynetteScavo · 25/08/2008 17:53

xenia, you have the luxury of laughing at schools where the pupils think the child of a teacher is posh. For me it was a grim reality. It wasn't unusual for both parents of the pupils to be out of work.

Janni · 25/08/2008 18:19

Jumping in without reading thread...

I went to the primary school where my dad was deputy head and it was awful because he was REALLY strict and I was always in trouble for stupid things, for which I would not have been in trouble had he not been in that position. I was definitely made an example of.

Now, IF your child gets on really well with their father and IF your partner is a cool character who can allow your child to mess up at times without taking it as a personal affront...then it will be fine. If not, don't.