Year 1 class allocation and complaint, teachers, governors, what are our chances please?

[hollybungalow]

our daughter goes to the village school and is in reception, it’s a great school and we haven’t had many reasons to complain. Until now.

We found out they were mixing the classes the day they chose to do it last week. This isn’t standard practice for them.

Our hold was placed in a class with no close friends and unfortunately a child from another class who has bullied her in an out of school setting. As they are separated currently we didn’t raise with the school as we didn’t know they were going to mix classes.
Our child feels things deeply and there has been a significant change in behaviour. She is convinced she is on her own and without friends because ‘no one chose her’ and it’s heartbreaking for us all.

Other than this i asked the teacher about how they allocated places and she shared who our child had chosen and honestly i was surprised who she had picked, one girl she knows but the other she has never mentioned.
The same day we got her school report and it wasn’t hers, it was for another child in her class with the same first name. Then the choices made sense and to me it’s clear there has been a mix up.

i raised with the head teacher and shared the out of school bullying and the view (backed up by the other parent) that we believed there had been a mix up. He is firm there are no circumstances what so ever (including physical bullying) that would cause him to change a child’s class. His view is that whatever happens ‘we work it out’

I didn’t agree and have raised a complaint with the governors and trustees.
Can anyone give me a view of how likely you think we are to succeed with our complaint and get our child moved class? ( there are 3 in the year and we would take any other than this one).
because of the timing, the only option we have for september is to put her in the class with the bully, keep her off and be fined or move schools. So keen to know how likely we are to succeed or if we chalk it up and get her in another school.

thanks x

HT had confirmed that ours is the only complaint. The other child involved with the mix up is with half of their friendship group so their parents have complained about the class allocation

Also just to say, our actions are not exclusively to complain and we have tried our best to discuss and do the paperwork and meetings when DD isn’t there. We are trying to be positive with her and have organised play dates over the summer. But we can do that AND also advocate and complain as well

Bumped into the HT at school this morning as i went into the office to drop off DDs medicine for the aforementioned caterpillar incident! He was quite sheepish this morning but did offer me a meeting later today to see if we can find an interim solution so she returns in September! Super happy as at least this suggests we can get some support or action 🤞

Sorry the other parents HAVENT complained.

How long do tea cup storms last please? we’re on day 10 of crying and school refusal so good to know long you think we have left.
School confirmed they don’t usually mix again for the rest of Primary

Sounds like the HT is not telling the whole truth. My DS original headteacher would avoid the truth and would not give in to parental requests (unless it was a yummy mummy when he might bend rules). Although having been a governor at a separate school the aim is to pacify parents without doing anything unless it is a safeguarding issue.
Most reports are cut and pasted as they take a long time but should be checked before submitting.

I think calling the incident “bullying” is a bit extreme to be honest. My DC was placed in the same Reception class as another child from preschool who had a history of being quite rough / not very nice. But that child is very different now and both have their own friends and are very happy.

I do think at age 4/5 they take their cues from us, and a 5 year old crying about this for 10 days seems quite extreme as well - how do you respond when she is upset about this?

Anyway, it’s good that you’re meeting the HT and hopefully support can be put in place for her.

"it’s a great school and we haven’t had many reasons to complain."

So there have been other complaints from you ?

This will be one bully out of many if your child doesn't stand up to bullying - which you need to teach them (assertive response, leveraging friends, reporting to teachers, documenting). I was bullied and ultimately did the thing you're always told not to do - I retaliated and pretty much ripped the clothes off the back of my bully. I wasn't bullied after that but I'm not violent and would have been better off if I'd been equipped with the correct ways to handle bullies.

It’s good that you’re having a meeting with the HT later.
I clearly don’t know what other incidents there have been with the other child but bullying is possibly quite a strong word. Maybe they’re ND (not an excuse) and if so, they will hopefully be managed effectively next school year. With regard to not having friends in her class, I don’t consider that much of an issue to be honest. They’re in class to learn, not to sit with their besties. That’s what playtimes are for!

sorry it’s just a turn of phrase. we haven’t made any previous complaints

Unfortunately, you can not be sure your daughter would not move to a new school and be bulled there. You are assuming 'collaborative teaching' at the new school but until your daughter has been there an experienced this I would not assume that's what you would get.

Both my children are neurodiverse and so therefore subject to bullying unfortunately. From my experience its much more powerful to give the child the tools to deal with a bully to the point they are no longer afraid of them. They will always meet bullys in life - this is a chance for you to give her the skills to deal with them and grow her confidence.

In one of my son's bullying experiences in primary school, he would have two boys kick him in the knees each break. Initially they started doing it when all the boys were playing football so it looked like my son's bruises were from rough play. But eventually they would just come up in the playground and kick him.

We noticed the bruises and took him to the dr worried about a bruising disorder. Eventually he said it was because he was being kicked and my heart broke.

It was a difficult time, my husband wanted our son to kick them back - my son did not want to kick them back as he both was worried about getting in trouble for kicking and he did not want to be a violent person. We sent him to a play therapist (there are also lots of bullying websites online for tips) who basically agreed with him the person he wanted to be (ie he did not want to be violent) and showed him how to hold authority without physically threatening anyone. It was about how he held himself, what he said and did and when. The school was great and they came up with a system so when my son walked into class after each break he could do a thumbs up to the teacher if his break had been OK, or a thumbs down if he had been bullied and then they would go talk to him.

Not only did the kicking stop, but his relationship with the bullies improved to the point one of them invited him to his birthday party later that year. This boy had a troubled upbringing unincluding being bullied himself. No excuse but this is often the case.

If anyone has any learning material on how to help children deal with bullies i’d be really grateful x

Teach your child some resilience. Get her into school.

That sounds excessive and might be due to your reaction as well.

I’m a school Governor. This isn’t something that governors would get involved in. It’s operational rather than governance. Sorry, and hope you get something sorted.

She's not being bullied right now though? Take things one step at a time. IF She's bullied then deal with it. I think you want the best for your daughter but you are going about it in the wrong way. You're seeing danger everywhere and ofcourse so is she.

I had a similar issue with school refusing to move dc3 (8) away from a bully. He was crying every night and morning, covered in bruises, didn't want to take his coat to school in the middle of November because it would get ruined or stolen. School didn't want to know.

I was very clear that if they didn't deal with it, his older sister (10) would.

They didn't. She dealt with it. Cue hysteria from school as bully ended up in A&E for stitches and broken nose. I refused to punish her so she was suspended.

Tbf, I did warn them that she was likely to take it into her own hands if they didn't sort this out. She hated that kid anyway, he was a nasty little fucker to everyone and had previously bullied her friend so it was a case of just giving her a reason to flatten him.

This is quite a worrying and disproportionate reaction from a 5yo - I would usually expect parents to be able to soothe and reassure a young child in this kind of situation. I wonder if she is feeding off your own anxiety about what has happened? Or are there underlying mental health issues which you're already trying to address? Is there neurodivergence of any kind involved?

NSPCC are good: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/dealing-with-bullying

Your kid may have to be relentless. Report each and every bullying incident until it stops. Bully's are like badly behaved animals but keep correcting them and they will learn that your kid isn't going to capitulate and the bullying isn't worth the effort. It's like spraying a cat with water, it takes a few times but eventually it sticks.

If there's a kid with notable bullying behaviour at that age though the teachers will definitely have spotted it and be working on it.

If it were me I'd give the parents grief every time it happens, but I suspect I'm a lot more aggressive than you are. Still, you may want to consider it.

That is indeed serious so I'm not sure why you wouldn't have told the school before....why was your child sent to the hospital - precautionary or needed treatment?

Unfortunately you or your child aren't unique. A lot of children are bullied - including me and my own (including hospital visits) so we say this with the benefit of hindsight and not just a callous 'get over it'. Equipping children with the tools they need in this situation is far better than helicoptering an answer in the long term.

As someone who was bullied in primary school - start doing martial arts. Judo and jujitsu are great for self defence.

Beyond the useful and fun skills, it also builds confidence and discipline.

thanks, i love this idea and my neighbor is a martial arts teacher!! going to do this today x

Glad to hear it, nothing like a little hip throw where you gently guide your attacker to the floor ;) Palm heel strikes are also very off-putting.

i will never forgive myself for not telling them now as i think it’s partly why we’re in this situation 😢.

My child had an allergic reaction and that’s why hospital was needed. But this was the most serious of a series of instances and we just removed her from it.

Any material or advice on helping her deal with it would be most appreciated x