Year 1 class allocation and complaint, teachers, governors, what are our chances please?

[hollybungalow]

our daughter goes to the village school and is in reception, it’s a great school and we haven’t had many reasons to complain. Until now.

We found out they were mixing the classes the day they chose to do it last week. This isn’t standard practice for them.

Our hold was placed in a class with no close friends and unfortunately a child from another class who has bullied her in an out of school setting. As they are separated currently we didn’t raise with the school as we didn’t know they were going to mix classes.
Our child feels things deeply and there has been a significant change in behaviour. She is convinced she is on her own and without friends because ‘no one chose her’ and it’s heartbreaking for us all.

Other than this i asked the teacher about how they allocated places and she shared who our child had chosen and honestly i was surprised who she had picked, one girl she knows but the other she has never mentioned.
The same day we got her school report and it wasn’t hers, it was for another child in her class with the same first name. Then the choices made sense and to me it’s clear there has been a mix up.

i raised with the head teacher and shared the out of school bullying and the view (backed up by the other parent) that we believed there had been a mix up. He is firm there are no circumstances what so ever (including physical bullying) that would cause him to change a child’s class. His view is that whatever happens ‘we work it out’

I didn’t agree and have raised a complaint with the governors and trustees.
Can anyone give me a view of how likely you think we are to succeed with our complaint and get our child moved class? ( there are 3 in the year and we would take any other than this one).
because of the timing, the only option we have for september is to put her in the class with the bully, keep her off and be fined or move schools. So keen to know how likely we are to succeed or if we chalk it up and get her in another school.

thanks x

For those who are aghast at being sent the wrong child’s report, it does happen. When my DD was at primary school in Yr 6, we were sent another child’s report and her SATS results.

When my daughter was in yr 8 she became seriously ill and ended up with a tutor at home her school , as she was still registered , kept sending me reports for another 4/5 terms with teachers actually giving her excellent grades , it was laughable .

Which uk caterpillars are poisonous? How did a 4 year old know this? It’s very odd.

DS picked up a large caterpilllar whilst out in a walk once. It was large and fluffy. He came out in a rash. OP said her DD had an unusual but severe allergic reaction

But my point is that there was only potential future change - in September, weeks away. There would be a lot of other change with it at the same time including a different classroon, different teacher and different TA.

There was absolutely no change to your dd's day to day experience of school right here and now. So it is very unusual for a child to cry every single day for 10 full days about something that hasn't happened yet. I have been a parent for a long time and have multiple dc and have worked with lots of children. This is a very unusual reaction.

I would either be considering what your child's difficulties may be and what additional support they might need going forwards. Or reflect on how this extreme and drawn out reaction may have been related to the adults around them.

The sports club said it was brown moth caterpillars, i had never heard of them but after the incident they got rentokil or something in and this was part of their explanation. this is it
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown-tail_moth

The other child who did it did get a rash but our child had a severe allergic reaction. I agree they couldn’t have known she would react this way but as i said it was the last and most serious in a string of incidents.

Prior to this the incident had been name calling, encouraging other children not to play with my DD, taking her lunch, drawing over her pictures, throwing her shoes in the bin etc. No day went by without incident.

to assuage the doubters will share some anonymised pics

i don’t have any of the really severe swelling! these are a day or so after

thank you for your experienced view. Myself and the teachers are comfortable that this is a normal reaction to change.

They have been spending time in their new class groups and met teachers etc this week. and she knows she will be away from friends so her day to day has changed.

I think because we have made a complaint everyone thinks we are talking about it constantly in front of our child. We’re not. It is possible to be positive and encouraging either her and also complain and have meetings on it while she is at school!

Thanks for your view but the circumstances for me were too much. Even now after the bully is leaving she is going into a class with no close friends and this will be hard for her but we’ve been positive about the new friends she’ll make, we’ve got books about it and there are a few class meet ups planned.

She can deal with things herself but if i don’t acknowledge her feelings then neither will she. I don’t want her to think that being compliant and ‘getting on with things’ is more important than being happy or feeling safe. I think all parents feel this but everyone puts their line in a different place. This situation over stepped my line. simples.

i do appreciate the comment but i don’t think my line will change x

Dc don’t have close friends at 5 either. I think the other child has behaved badly but at 4/5 in YR it’s a stretch to say it’s bullying. I suspect the dc in question was poorly behaved towards other dc too. It’s just how some 4 year olds are. I would say the child wasn’t supervised adequately. Did no teachers do anything?

It was in a holiday club not in school. The staff told me and said they tried to separate them but that was it, hence why we removed her.

I can see that people don’t always have the same friends in adulthood as they do when they’re 5 (although my hubby does 😂) but the friends she is separated from she has known for 2 or 3 years which is over half her life and she does gravitate to them. But hopefully she will make new friends 🤞

OP, I mean this kindly, but unless you have exaggerated your dd's reaction on here, it doesn't really sound like a normal, healthy reaction to change. Tears, yes. School refusal and losing interest in hobbies that she previously enjoyed, no.

It would be good to think about how you can support her to develop her confidence and resilience going forwards. Life is full of changes, setbacks and disappointments and learning healthy strategies for dealing with these is hugely important. Your dd's instinct seems to be to deal with difficulty by going into shutdown mode. That probably isn't going to serve her well going forwards.

@hollybungalow Be positive and she will be fine.

For info, bullying is systematic behaviour targeted at another dc over a period of time. A holiday club for 4/5 year olds isn’t long enough to say if it’s bullying or just bad behaviour from a dc with sen. Or no sen. Some dc just behave badly and dc might have drawn on other dc’s drawings, taken other dcs lunch etc. At a holiday club, a dc doing this to other dc could definitely be asked to leave as there’s usually a contract and it’s not a school with exclusion laws to follow. Staff at clubs are usually not experienced in dealing with bad behaviour. But, you need to be positive for y1 and quickly organise play dates.

sorry but i don’t think you do mean it kindly and neither do the others that have suggested this despite the teachers and myself who DD spends 99% of her time NOT thinking she has a problem?

So what qualifications do you have to diagnose my daughter as ‘not normal’

Teachers think it’s normal. Yes she goes into herself when she’s upset and has cried and not wanted to go to school.
Are all other 5 year olds never crying, fully adjusted and reason every decision as an opportunity to make friends?

I have on several post suggested what we doing to help her, open to genuine suggestions rather than criticism.

Sorry but I have been 100% honest and open on this post and it feels like most of you are just out to prove i’m a shit mum or my daughter isn’t normal. How does any of this help others? or does it just make you feel better to put others down?

Thanks, we are being positive with DD.

I find this interesting as HT said it wasn’t bullying either. The incidents were targeted at my DD only in the holiday club. They happened over 5weeks (there 4 days a week) and happened from the first day up to everyday from second or third week. The staff confirmed it was this child as they asked if there had been previous contact (we didnt think so) and so in fact they raised it with us! I don’t want to miss label things but how long does it need to go on for and how hurt does she need to get for it to called bullying? genuinely curious?

and for the 100th time, yes play dates in the diary!📔

I actually did mean it kindly but you've chosen to take it as a criticism and you've reacted really defensively. Whatever.

I have because you have said in several posts that my DD isn’t normal, with no reference point. After a few posts it’s hard not to think you're just trying to pick at me and you’ve offered no suggestions as to how to help!!

I haven't said anywhere that your dd "isn't normal"! I have said that her reaction to this particular issue is not what I would consider to be a normal, healthy response, assuming that there are no underlying issues such as neurodivergence or existing mental health issues etc. As you have confirmed that there are no other issues present, your dd refusing school and losing interest in other activities which she usually enjoys would seem disproportionate to the situation. Personally I would be a bit worried about that, and I would want to focus on developing her coping strategies going forwards.

But you clearly feel that her withdrawal from normal activities is a perfectly healthy response, and you're the parent, so that's fine. We all have different aspirations and priorities for our children, and it seems that perhaps ours don't align. Fair enough. But whether you want to acknowledge it or not, I was genuinely trying to be helpful.

So you have no professional experience to back up your view or any suggestions to help how i develop her coping strategies other than to suggest it?

As it happens, I do have extensive experience of working with children and young people.

And if I thought you were genuinely interested, then I would be happy to share my thoughts on how you could help your child develop better coping strategies. However, you've made it clear that you aren't interested, and that's fine. It's your prerogative to parent as you think fit.

OP, you seem to be placing huge weight on a teacher reassuring you that this extreme reaction is fine and doesn't warrant further exploration or support. But this is the teacher you started the thread saying doesn't know your child from another. You felt your child had been so overlooked and gone so under the radar that you were seriously going to take them to another school.

Other posters don't need to post their qualifications and CV to be able to say, 'this seems quite wide of the normal spectrum of responses in dc I have known/had contact with.'

I actually do have professional, registered qualifications but I wouldn't share them here. But more importantly I have multiple children of different ages who have been to 4 different schools - and posters here will have similarly broad and deep and relevant experiences.

You seem very sure you have done everything right and you are happy with the outcome. So really, pay no heed to all the posts here offering different perspectives and raising different viewpoints.

I am endlessly amazed by people who seemingly post for other people to share their perspectives, and then bat back every bit of input that they get that doesn't completely back their own actions up.

Lots of posts here and been v considered and measured and thoughtful and polite. You seem to have missed the efforts others have gone to to filter their tone.

Isn’t the issue here more that she’s not with her friends? Or did you expect the school to know about this incident with the other child despite it not taking place on school premises and then not being told?
If the admin error hadn’t happened and she was with her friends but also with this other child would you still be complaining? Sorry I just want to understand what the issue actually is.
Is she your first child? If so in the nicest way possible it’s going to be a long 10/11 years of school for you. Unless this girl is a child genius there is no way at the age of 4 she would’ve known these caterpillars were harmful. The complaint should’ve been with the holiday club. One incident doesn’t mean someone is a bully.

OP please don't feel you have to explain yourself further, you don't need to share photos or prove to anyone any bullying instances. I'm appalled at the tone of some of the replies to this thread, really unkind and so unbelievably unnecessary. They don't need this information to answer your OP and as all has been resolved now I wonder if maybe asking admin to close the thread to new replies might be worthwhile? Not sure they will but might be worth asking if that would be something you would want. You don't need to explain, justify or prove a thing. Not worth wasting your time!

Hope you and your daughter have a lovely summer break and she has a lovely time in year one xx

@hollybungalow More than a few weeks and you don’t know if your DD was the only dc affected. I do think I agree with the head and the staff at the holiday club should have dealt with it. Why did dd eat her lunch near the other child every day? Why not separate them? Ditto with the drawing? I think the child was difficult to manage and they didn’t see this with your dd every day. They did need to be proactive though. Anyway, you are ok for next year if you stay positive and do some invitations to play next term.

Glad to hear the bully is leaving as that gets rid of the major issue. MY DS has just completed yr 6. Some of his friends who he was inseparable from in reception are not close friends anymore. They have all grown, and changed into different people. Your daughter really will make new friends in yr one. In DS' school they mixed in yr 2 and 5. The kids still did a lot together as a year group and lots of other kids joined the school over the years (also a small birth rate). Now he is going to senior school, he is starting an independent school where he knows no one. He made 2 friends on his transition day and is excited to start and make some more. It seems like a big deal at the moment for you, but by the end of September, I think you will find it has been fine. I would definitely not be happy about the report mix up!