Year 1 class allocation and complaint, teachers, governors, what are our chances please?

[hollybungalow]

our daughter goes to the village school and is in reception, it’s a great school and we haven’t had many reasons to complain. Until now.

We found out they were mixing the classes the day they chose to do it last week. This isn’t standard practice for them.

Our hold was placed in a class with no close friends and unfortunately a child from another class who has bullied her in an out of school setting. As they are separated currently we didn’t raise with the school as we didn’t know they were going to mix classes.
Our child feels things deeply and there has been a significant change in behaviour. She is convinced she is on her own and without friends because ‘no one chose her’ and it’s heartbreaking for us all.

Other than this i asked the teacher about how they allocated places and she shared who our child had chosen and honestly i was surprised who she had picked, one girl she knows but the other she has never mentioned.
The same day we got her school report and it wasn’t hers, it was for another child in her class with the same first name. Then the choices made sense and to me it’s clear there has been a mix up.

i raised with the head teacher and shared the out of school bullying and the view (backed up by the other parent) that we believed there had been a mix up. He is firm there are no circumstances what so ever (including physical bullying) that would cause him to change a child’s class. His view is that whatever happens ‘we work it out’

I didn’t agree and have raised a complaint with the governors and trustees.
Can anyone give me a view of how likely you think we are to succeed with our complaint and get our child moved class? ( there are 3 in the year and we would take any other than this one).
because of the timing, the only option we have for september is to put her in the class with the bully, keep her off and be fined or move schools. So keen to know how likely we are to succeed or if we chalk it up and get her in another school.

thanks x

Her feelings are understandable but, from an adult perspective, probably overblown.

Bullying in one setting may not happen in another. (A classroom is a relatively easy place to keep tabs on children's interactions and keep them apart if necessary.) The bully may give up after such a long time - from a child's perspective - anyway.

There will be lots of opportunities to make new friends and small children are generally quite good at this.

I wouldn't frame this to her as "I'm teaching you resilience", but I would reassure her it's probably going to be all right, and in the unlikely event that it isn't, you can deal with it then (by asking the teacher to intervene against the bully / help her make friends).

Why did you not mention this to the school previously? Something this serious should have been reported.

I would give the new class a chance, you may be surprised. You have to let go of the control you feel you need and trust that the school have your daughter’s best interests at heart.

Thanks for the comments. It’s clear we need to accept it or move and it’s heart breaking. DD doesn’t want to go again this morning and we’ve already had tears. How on earth do choose?

sorry to answer some questions, the bullying happened in a holiday club at a local sports ground for us and for others in the schools wrap around care (my child doesn’t attend this).

The caterpillars usually cause a mild rash but our child caused a sever allergic reaction, hence needed A&E.

You’ve hit a nerve here which is helpful because i’ve realised that i don’t trust they have my daughters best interests at heart and maybe that’s the crux of it and my answer

So school seem to manage the child within school hours

No they won’t change it.
Your best chance is if she starts crying and refusing to go in because of this girl in September…… but you don’t want to make her feel unnecessarily worried. They’re might move her to remedy school refusal.
Also, completely missing the point, how is a 3 form school a village school?! That’s larger than the ‘giant’ primary in the town in our small town. Surrounding village schools have 40-100 kids in whole school.

Why are you ignoring all the many posts about resilience??

What happens if you move schools and there is a bully? Move again?!

you BOTH need to work on your advocacy skills and coping strategies- you can’t just up sticks every time something doesn’t go your way

There are plenty of village schools with 3+ form entry. Mine had 4!

Then you have answered your own question and should probably move her. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m a teacher and can assure you that, at least in my school, we don’t make decisions that will knowingly upset children/parents. We are a large village primary and have mixed this year, I have split up a friendship group but it’s been a 2/2 split based on the fact that the children’s relationship is actually negatively affecting them much of the time based on one child’s dominance.

If you’re not happy with the school, absolutely move them but you may find you are never satisfied.

Never really thought how big the school is before! i think with new houses being built we will technically no longer be a village. Lots of children coming from smaller villages around ours and the edges of a big city close by. It has a pool as well!

That is unfortunate but the "bully" couldn't have predicted that. They are 5.

I'd be hopping mad at the sports club though.

So are you going to keep moving them every time you find something you don't agree with?

So what the child did was horrible and yes, ultimately led to a severe reaction, but it's not quite fair to imply that this is a bully who intentionally put your child in hospital.

If you do want your child to stay at this school, it might help to reframe this incident. It isn't going to reoccur in the classroom, but your DD has and would continue to see the other child in the playground whatever class they're in.

i’m not ignoring the posts about resilience. I just have a different view to you about how you build it. I was bullied and it didn’t make me resilient it just made me sad and introverted until years of therapy later helped me unpack it. My parents never stepped in and supported me, and i want to have a different relationship with my child

This has happened in our school, as a genuine error and they did swap. But these were the circumstances (admin error) each same named child ending up with the others peers.

If the school had offered some support and a trial period we would have accepted it. I think my lack of trust is stemming from this as well. Our concerns were just dismissed.

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve got experience of forcing a school to deal with a bully they refused to deal with who had been bullying children in the year from age 5-9 in really awful ways. This might help a bit and help going forward if you stay.

When my daughter was targeted I discovered several other parents had already complained about violent or inappropriate behaviour and bullying towards their children. School denied they had previous reports. I went to those parents and they all felt it hadn’t been dealt with so agreed to give me copies of the emails they sent to school complaining and details of their meetings with the school. I compiled them to create a detailed report of the child’s behaviour and presented it to the HT to say deal with the bully or I take this to Ofsted. They dealt with the bully finally and excluded them.

Could you collate proof of all previous incidents against your child and other children and go to HT and say, you’ve put my child in a class with their bully due to an admin error proved by the report data breech. I want them moved class and you’re refusing so if you expect them to be in this class, you need to deal with the bully so she’s safe. Here’s a full report including other parents many complaints to you about said child. I don’t want to share this with Ofsted but I do want my child and other children to be safe in case this behaviour escalates.

I bet there will be a very swift class move for your daughter!

You are absolutely right imho to fight for your daughter to be safe. Resilience might be built by the disappointment of being away from friends but putting her with a bully isn’t going to build resilience. It will build distrust in teachers and parents that they failed to protect her. So keep fighting. You are absolutely right.

I understand why some people on here don’t see how a 5 year old’s actions could be dangerous or classed as bullying and I thought this too but they really can be - with the bully involved in my DD’s case when she was 9 there were previous reports from age 5 and prior to this in a previous school. Two of the incidents by this particular child that happened age 5 were very dangerous. One boy was stabbed with a sharp object and another assaulted in another awful way. A previous school excluded him within weeks of starting due to his behaviour towards other children.

And what about the part asking why you didn’t report it previously?

Is the new HT coming from within the Trust or externally? You say the class teacher is sympathetic, but they would have been involved with the allocation. Would they not have noticed the incorrect friendship choice. The allocation wouldn’t just be round friendship choice though.

Instead of complaining left right and centre you talk to her about having the opportunity to make new friends next year whilst still seeing her current ones at break time. Most schools mix children up year to year - no reason this won’t happen again. Ours did it every so often and for the last few years has done it every year.

I agree with this. I was also bullied and it saddens me to see how many claims it builds resilience. For me it lead to low self esteem and questioning myself andnmy intelligence. Several years of therapy to learn how to deal with this.

I was "That parent" when needed for my children. I joked years later with a teacher from my childrens primary school about it and she said "Enko. I would far rather a engaged parent who calls out wrong stuff than one who allows their child to be bullied"

I have a opposite to resilience story from my oldest class her close friend was in the opposite class to dd1 and was being bullied. Her mother was promised they would put her with dd1 and another friend the next year didn't happen. She was kept with her bullied while they "kept an eye on her" (aka did F all) Reality was friends dd had a poor experience of primary school and it followed her into adulthood. We moved shortly after but for years we had the two together at holidays.

They said they’d keep an eye on her which seems perfectly reasonable. What did you want?

I think you need to be careful that your own experiences aren’t affecting your reactions to children being horrible to your dc. Your child will encounter unpleasantness and unkind behaviour- it isn’t always bullying though. You need to teach your dc how to deal with one off incidents without you inadvertently making things worse by eg discussing it too much or making it a bigger deal than it is due to your own experiences, whilst at the same time if there is true bullying (targeted, several times on purpose) taking action. Has there been any unkindness at school? The school can’t change classes because of one incident outside of school. Does the other child seek your child out at break times?