Should I report concerns about teacher socialising with pupil and parent?

[Jblingsmum]

My son dumped his girlfriend. So i asked him why. He said he didn't really want to chat about it but he did open up to his dad. He said that his girlfriend and her mother spend a lot time with a male teacher from school together. Football outing and meeting for the odd coffee together. Hes told her she needs to speak to the head teacher. Shes saying she wont. So he dumped her. I cant have my son mixed up in this. It doesn't feel right at all. Im sure this shouldn't be allowed.
If I report it. Its going to look like him.
advice needed

Utterly ridiculous post!

My son’s old form tutor is coming on holiday with us, bizarre to think we can’t be friends.

Oh probably. So fricking tiresome.
I was secretly hoping this teacher has visible tattoos!

I really have no idea, but thanks for untangling it a bit. I got particularly confused by who is getting the tickets for "the pictures" and getting nails done? Mother or daughter?

That is ridiculous, if you are a teacher in medium sized town your friends and neighbours will at some point have children attending your school!

Given the drip feeds so far, I fear OP may be leading up to a Penthouse Readers’ Letters mother/daughter/teacher threesome scenario.

😂😂oh for an invisibility cloak!

Unless you think he is in a relationship with the girl, this is absolutely none of your business.

Schools do not have policies on teachers "being social" with adults, even when those adults have children in the school. Adults have friends.

I have been friends with adults whose children attended the schools i worked in.
I have been friends with adults who worked in the schools that my children attended.

I do not require advice on "healthy boundaries" because I am an adult, as are my friends.

Well who knows. I've still no idea how old the son is, the ex gf, or what on earth there is to report, but perhaps that will be revealed in the fullness of time.

Exactly x 💯. None of this contravenes the Teaching Standards.

It's really nothing to do with you.

So what actually is it you want to report? You don’t think teachers are allowed to have friends?

If you genuinely believe the teacher is grooming the mother to gain access to the daughter then yes you should report your concerns.

WTF? Sometimes the teacher's own child goes to the same school! Of course some teachers will know some parents.

Exactly. Talk about ridiculous.

It’s really common for teachers to be independently friends with parents. They often live reasonably local to the school and community, may have attended the university together in the town where they now work, are members of the same running club, go to the same church/gym/book club/ukele band, etc.

I met one of my teacher friends when our kids were at nursery together and then my kids went to the school she taught in. My DS and her DS are still best friends 17 years later and we go for dog walks, or have drinks or coffees in each others houses regularly. Unless you expect teachers to live in the school basement and only socialise with each other, it’s more likely than not that at some stage they’ll have friends amongst the parents.

Erm, really? I have worked in lots of schools and never come across such a policy! My current school has lots of teachers whose kids attend the school
... are they expected to not socialise with other parents / kids? What an odd view!

Exactly the situation when teaching children of Forces families, the Miss/Mrs/Mr were dropped after school, work and social life were totally intertwined and everyone survived!
Sounds like the son hasn't fallen far from the maternal tree wanting to interfere in his girlfriend's mother's private life!

You need to be teaching your son how to healthily move on from his ex.

If he wants to tell the head teacher about this situation with her, her mum and the male teacher, then it sounds like he wants to do it out of spite and not concern.

Please do not encourage or allow your son to be spiteful and cause drama.

Yeah, of course they socialise. No school would have that policy, it's silly and counter productive.

There aren't any policies on who teachers socialise with outside of school. A lot of teachers are friends with parents. My mother worked in a small village school, so was friends with most of the parents. A lot of teachers are also parents and have children who go to their school. Teachers are no more risky for a child than any other adult parents socialise with. At least you know they have had a dbs check!

Can’t imagine the OP will come back given that even with her drip feed updates she’s still got no one else frothing at the mouth.

OP there are far, far more innocent explanations than nefarious ones that need reporting. For example: They could have known each other for years, long before he was the daughters teacher, he or his wife could be related to the mum or the mums husband, they could know each other from a hobby group, they could have gone to school together and recently reconnected, they could be friends as a couple with the other couple, or they could have really hit it off since meeting at school and became friends.

The only reason for ever reporting this is if you GENUINELY believe (ideally with evidence) that the teacher is in fact grooming them all to get to the daughters,

At the minute it sounds like your son is jealous. That’s never a good place to make a decision from.

I live in the community where I teach and have friends whose children attend the school and in some cases I have taught. What is it you want to report two adults are friends or dating and possibly a teenager has a crush. Do you not trust that a teacher understands their role in safeguarding? Why is your assumption they are doing something wrong with no evidence and would you be bothered if it wasnt for your son moping over this girl

So what if she is jealous? It's fine for your son to break up with her if he doesn't feel like she's making an effort with him. Maybe she has a bit of a crush on the teacher even, but you still haven't said what the teacher has actually done wrong.

If your DS is concerned that the teacher is effectively grooming the family to get near the daughter then he should report it.

Unfortunately that is not an unknown scenario and there will be examples within the misconduct cases linked above where that was the case.

It will depend on so many factors such as how the connection with the family started and the nature of the relationship with the daughter versus the mother.

In addition, if the daughter is being expected to lie about the connection or keep it secret given the parties are married that may raise questions about the teacher’s judgment in putting a pupil in an difficult situation.

I think teachers do have to be more careful when dealing with the families of pupils.