Should I report concerns about teacher socialising with pupil and parent?

[Jblingsmum]

My son dumped his girlfriend. So i asked him why. He said he didn't really want to chat about it but he did open up to his dad. He said that his girlfriend and her mother spend a lot time with a male teacher from school together. Football outing and meeting for the odd coffee together. Hes told her she needs to speak to the head teacher. Shes saying she wont. So he dumped her. I cant have my son mixed up in this. It doesn't feel right at all. Im sure this shouldn't be allowed.
If I report it. Its going to look like him.
advice needed

My family occasionally socialised with our doctor when I was a child, and this Dr's son is now my GP.
Similar and not at all inappropriate.

Of course they're not timetabled to teach their own children. That's why you have to declare if you're related to anyone. You should also declare if you are in the role, even unofficially, as a step parent. We don't know what the situation is in this menage as it is somewhat opaque.
It's always essential to ascertain the facts rather than jump on and assume something

And presumably that's something you have disclosed to your schools leadership and management!

Not least to protect you from unnecessary reporting for perceived inappropriate contact when your neice tells everyone that she saw Mrs Hamlet in her pjs when she had a sleepover last night!

I am absolutely in agreement that teachers and school staff can and do have social and family relationships within the school community, I am replying to your comment to highlight why disclosure of such relationships IS necessary to leadership! Not because of a desire of management to pry into people's private lives but to not end up wasting time caused by investigating concerns that aren't!

Then why did you say
"Why should teachers disclose social and family relationships to the school? They're teachers, not recruits for MI5. They can be friends with whoever they want.School management don't have time for unnecessary prying."

You KNOW why!

I do KNOW why! Indeed!
If you read my posts you would understand WHY!
You don't have to declare every friendship and every relationship.

I'm not talking about friendship with parents, I am talking about contact with CHILDREN outside of the school/pupil-teacher relationship.

Check your code of conduct- pretty sure you will be expected to disclose where such social and familial relationships exist e.g. Little Johnny in 10A is my nephew; my best friend's daughter who I regularly holiday with/spend time in homes with is in my form, Susan in 8B is my child's friend and lives on our road so I often give her a lift home, sometimes without my own child if she is at a club...

I already explained that in my post about declarations at the start of the academic year.(qv)

You've completely missed my point!

I was talking about disclosing contact with a child/children outside of school due to a social or familial relationships! Not about friendships with an adult parent!

You said about being related to people, not about the oher relationships you may legitimately have with children.

And you questioned why teachers should have to report social and family relationships, despite then saying you have to sign a declaration each year.

You seem to be being deliberately obtuse! And contradicting yourself!

Is hard to know exactly what you mean OP.
The girlfriend kept letting your son down because she felt she had to tag along with her mum whenever she knew her mum was meeting this teacher and the reason she wanted to tag along was to prevent her mum’s relationship going any further (or crossing a boundary) with the married teacher…..as a sort of chaperone ?

Is that what you mean OP?
Was she telling your son to keep it quiet because she felt strongly about the possibility of them cheating together and/or didn’t want her dad to find out ?

If that interpretation is correct, it’s still not wise to get involved as you can’t be at all certain of any of the second hand facts. But clearly your son didn’t like that dodgy situation.
Only if you feel there is a safeguarding concern should you report it.

If your son felt it right to end the relationship then you have to trust that was the right thing for him to have done. It’s good he talked to his dad about it. It’s also good that he realised he shouldn’t be paying out his hard earned money on a gf to get her nails done etc, especially if he thought that meant he had some sort of control on her time.

Your son sounds quite controlling. Bit of a red flag that he wanted to control who his ex-gf AND her mother sees.

Howling
What a way with words 😂

I get you though OP hun you need to find out WHO told this teacher they're allowed out in public, allowed to interact with other human beings and/or allowed to breathe around YOUR precious son's girlfriend.. and then they need reporting to the head teacher pronto. Luckily Headteachers love it when drama crops up as it finally gives them something to do instead of twiddling their thumbs. Thoughts and prayers you both get through this shocking event where a teacher has escaped the school grounds outside school hours. Hopefully staff are on the way with a tranq to return the teacher back to their cupboard where they belong xoxoxo

I cannot express how badly I need to see this!! Where was it?

I don't get it at all. If she's blowing off your son and their plans, makes sense if he doesn't want to continue the relationship.

The teacher bit makes no sense to me.

So she’s either cockblocking her mum or she’s having a relationship with the teacher herself.

This thread is crazy. Dh’s best mate taught all our kids. Obviously they have been to his house loads. This is a very common scenario.

Actually teachers do usually/often have to disclose relationships. If you look at my lengthy PP a long way up thread, you will see an extract and a link to a staff code of conduct from a school. In there (to paraphrase) it says it often happens that staff are in family of friendship groups that pupils and parents are also in, and they have to disclose it in writing. It makes sense - partly to protect the teacher from accusations.

He knew what she was doing and he was the naughty one. He now talks about it as being hysterical. They have a great relationship.

So many idiotic posts on here! MN seems to expect teachers to conform to ridiculous standards, none of which are applied to parents, eg parents are allowed to have visible tattoos and boob jobs! 'Safeguarding' is a term that lets these parent be idiotic as it's become a blanket term used to close down discussions. So many parents on this site are clearly not living to the same standards they expect teachers to live by.

Or got a crush?

Sounds as if she might prefer him to Op's son & Op's son is pissed off!

OK, so

You think the married teacher and married Mom are having an affair and the teenage daughter has a crush on him?

I'm not sure there's much you can do. You can't prove anything and it really isn't your place to.

Your son needs to not try and bully his ex isn't telling in her Mom and throwing her life upside down.

He doesn't have to be in a relationship with her, so he needs to leave her alone

It is against the code of conduct for staff at my DC's school to pursue personal friendships or relationships with parents or carers of pupils unless these predate the pupil starting at the school. In those instances It has to be declared and conflicts of interest avoided. It includes social media friendships, adds, follows etc. A copy was sent to parents, presumably to make the boundaries clear.

Eh? I was bestie with my child head teacher, often went for a coffee.

I've been retired for a while but that would have been incredibly difficult in the village school where I worked. People lived side by side, teachers' and non-teachers' children grew up alongside each other. Parent helpers often got taken on as staff and became TAs or MDS.

The best thing to do about the allegedly oh-so-shocking behaviour of your surely utterly delightful son's EX-girlfriend and her mother is to wind your neck in and leave them alone. It is absolutely none of your business. Or his, for that matter.