Should I report concerns about teacher socialising with pupil and parent?

[Jblingsmum]

My son dumped his girlfriend. So i asked him why. He said he didn't really want to chat about it but he did open up to his dad. He said that his girlfriend and her mother spend a lot time with a male teacher from school together. Football outing and meeting for the odd coffee together. Hes told her she needs to speak to the head teacher. Shes saying she wont. So he dumped her. I cant have my son mixed up in this. It doesn't feel right at all. Im sure this shouldn't be allowed.
If I report it. Its going to look like him.
advice needed

Mega drip feed! 🤣

You both sound a bit unhinged…you can’t have your son mixed up in this…in what exactly?

Just to clarify,

So teacher is male and married
ex-gf's Mum is also married

Your son dumped his girlfriend because she wants to spend time with her Mum (who is still married to her Dad) and the married male teacher because your son thinks something nefarious is going on and his girlfriend told him not to say anything about the meet-ups?

Is that the scenario @Jblingsmum

Kinda feels like she is making it up as she goes along...

I think your son is upset about the break up and so are you. Focus on helping your son move on. Unless there’s a safe guarding issue then really the friendship between the teacher and a parent isn’t your concern.

Sadly, to me, it sounds like your son’s ex didn’t want to spend time with him anymore and preferred the company of her parent. She might just be using it as an excuse to end the relationship with your son.

If the daughter doesn't like it she needs to talk to her Mum not the Head Teacher.

Ignore me. I misread your post!

https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/teacher-misconduct

just need to read the outcomes

They wouldn't be having an affair in front of the daughter would they? I don't know what misbehaviour you think you could "report" here. Having coffees, going to football? Maybe their spouses don't like football?
Your son sounds like he's bitter about his romance ending, and you need to keep out of it.

There are 160 pages of outcomes, which ones should we be reading, exactly?

The first three or four I read had nothing at all to do with teachers being friends with parents. There was one where a teacher was found guilty of misconduct for spending time with students outside of school, but he was meeting them alone, asking them to promise not to tell anyone, and giving them gifts and money, which is somewhat different from attending a public sports event with a student and her mother, is it not?

That's no reason to report him. Just sounds like the child is immature (which is fine, she's a child).

Sometimes abusers groom whole families. If your son honestly believes that the male teacher is hanging out with the mum, because he wants to abuse the daughter, than the concern needs to reported.

But if a friendship has developed between two consenting adults, and the daughter is joining them on family trips out, that is wholly different.

Thank you for clarifying that you are clearly not playing with a full deck.

Just go about your business and leave everyone else alone.

Or it could simply be her mother has known the teacher for many years and he’s a family friend! Not everything had a murky undertone and OP’s son is frankly being ridiculous! Girlfriend is better off without him as his behaviour could be seen as controlling telling her she must go to the head teacher!

Bloody hell @Jblingsmum you and your kid need to get a hobby that isnt spreading malicious gossip

Haha the strangest one was the one about then teacher who dared to have a boob job 😂

Right, so your son has been splashing his cash on the girl and he thinks this entitles him to her undivided attention. But she prefers to spend time with her Mum and the teacher? There are all kinds of possible explanations for that. Maybe she just likes football. Possibly she's just not interested in your son and is looking for an excuse not to see him. Maybe she's concerned about her Mum spending a lot of time with a man other than her Dad and wants to be around to keep an eye on things. She could have a crush on the teacher of course - she wouldn't be the first teenage girl to have the hots for a teacher, especially if he is young and good looking would she? But unless there is any evidence that he is pursuing a relationship with the girl I can't see that you have anything to report. Obviously if you do have safeguarding concerns you should raise them, but if not, the teacher's friendship with the mother is nobody else's business as far as I can see.

Er plenty of the teachers in my school have children in the school. They are then friends with parents.

My parents were teachers and some of their friends happened to be my teachers. It’s perfectly allowed. We figured out when they were Uncles Tony and when they were Mr Robins.

Tough one. Could be something could be nothing. Even if there is nothing going on grooming/affair wise, having a social relationship with a teacher could cause difficulties for the girl at school.

I would ask the school what their policy is with teachers being social with pupils and their families. It might start the ball rolling with some questions that will either reinforce healthy boundaries for the teacher to have the relationship or prevent any issues from happening.

Bit surprised at the reactions from some posters though.

What a ridiculous issue, I regularly have coffee with our headteacher, have been to the theatre with her, the deputy and site manager. One of my child's teachers joined us for a football match. All a non issue. My children haven't and never will get special treatment at school because of it and I would be disappointed if they did

So your sons now ex girlfriend, you suspect her mum is having an affair with this teacher and the daughter prefers to hang out with them rather than your son??
Weird affair if teenage daughter tags along.

Sounds like your DS and you are better to leave them to get on with it. Sounds like the GF is not treating your DS very well if she takes from him and cancels dates. He'll be better of letting it go - as will you.

There's nothing to tell really, I wouldn't get involved and just let them get on with it.

Still none of yours or the school's business.

Oh, the times I've been minding my own business, only to hear 'HELLO MISS!' from behind.

Supermarket - not so bad, even if it is when I'm on holiday 400 miles away from home.
Doctor's surgery - I'd rather not.
Waiting for a TVS - I was 15 miles from home. I thought I'd be safe there and wasn't really in the right frame of mind for a discussion about university choices.
Outside (or inside) the pub or when I'm playing a gig. Fine. I'll pretend you don't exist and you now pretend I don't - unless you're 17 with a fake ID, when you seriously need to leave right now.
A&E bed - if you continue to talk at me from yours, I might just feign my own death

Worst of all, though, is in the gym communal changing area. For the love of God, DO NOT SPEAK TO ME until I've got my bra on.

Unless you are worried about out the child you keep out of this.