Should I report concerns about teacher socialising with pupil and parent?

[Jblingsmum]

My son dumped his girlfriend. So i asked him why. He said he didn't really want to chat about it but he did open up to his dad. He said that his girlfriend and her mother spend a lot time with a male teacher from school together. Football outing and meeting for the odd coffee together. Hes told her she needs to speak to the head teacher. Shes saying she wont. So he dumped her. I cant have my son mixed up in this. It doesn't feel right at all. Im sure this shouldn't be allowed.
If I report it. Its going to look like him.
advice needed

It is not unusual for parents to have friendships or indeed family relationships with teachers and other school personnel within their community. Many of which predate the school link!

There is likely a requirement in the staff code of conduct that any social and family relationships are disclosed to school by the member of staff, and it is on THEM to disclose this, not the person they are friends with!

As long as the parent of the child is aware of contact with the member of staff, then really it is noone else's business!

If you are in any doubt about this, or you/your son are aware of "secret" contact between the child and adult that isn't known to the parent, and/or you know that the parent in question is a vulnerable adult who may themselves be at risk, then raise it as a safeguarding concentration with the school.
Otherwise your son may be overreacting!

Why should teachers disclose social and family relationships to the school? They're teachers, not recruits for MI5. They can be friends with whoever they want.
School management don't have time for unnecessary prying.

Dont be daft. Teachers are allowed to be friends or be in a relationship with people that have children at the school. How do you imagine they could stop it?

Are you seriously suggesting that I shouldn't spend time with my niece because she goes to my school?

Or that I ditch my friend of two decades because her child does?

That's insane.

Whats your sons problem?

I mean, doubtful!

One word = Safeguarding

More words = by disclosing relationships it protects ALL of the people involved. Allows appropriate risk assessments and mitigations to be taken into regards to potential perceived AND actual conflicts of interest.

Noone is saying they cannot be friends with whomever they like, but teachers and school staff are in positions of trust within the community and therefore transparency around social and familial relationships IS good practice!

This.

This.
And agree with other comments.

Your son sounds a bit jealous and controlling. He didn’t like the fact that his gf enjoyed spending time with the teacher.
Whatever is going on between the teacher and mum is not really your business. I suspect your son has over exaggerated it anyway as he clearly has an issue with his gf hanging out with them.
Honestly unless you have genuine safeguarding concerns stay out of it. And have a word with your son.

Oh grow up and stay out of this one.

It’s all hearsay from, presumably, a teenager pissed off with their now ex-girlfriend. You have precisely zero idea if any of it is true (spoiler - it’s probably not).

I’d probably start paying a bit more attention to your son’s attitude towards women as he sounds quite possessive.

If she keeps ditching him to spend time with other people then fair enough to split up. She's just not that into him.

You seem to think that the teacher and mum are having a relationship whilst both being married to others. That's not great, largely for their spouses. But not sure why it's your or your son's business. Especially when you don't know for sure.

Are you concerned that there's something untoward between the teacher and your son's girlfriend? If so then please raise a safeguarding concern at school. If not then MYOB. What do you think your son will be "getting mixed up in"?

You are the 11ty billionth person to make this comment. Please read my lengthy answer to this, which included a link and an extract to a staff code of conduct from a school. The post I am referring to is many posts upthread.

But yes, obviously, teachers are sometimes coincidentally already friends or even relatives of parents of pupils. But it
didn’t sound like the OP was talking about this .

The situation is quite muddled but it may not be anything. I suggest you stay out of it. I doubt you'd even be thinking of making a report if your son hadn't been involved with the woman's daughter.

Encourage your son to move on

Err - how many kids do you think go to schools where at least one of their parents teaches?

You know some school staff actually teach their relatives? Teachers are professionals. They are able to differentiate between inside and outside school.

Even more words: teachers do not have to disclose or explain their relationships.
Lots of words: most teachers are friends with, or know, parents and students outside of school for one reason or another.
More words: they only have to disclose where there may be a conflict of interest. Knowing Caitlin's mum through your running group doesn't count.

My sons ended up in his godmothers class, she loved it as she could come down hard on him ( no repercussions from me) and the other kids fell into line.

Some people don't seem to understand this! It's not a professional conflict of interest.

Do you work in education or child safeguarding in any context or is this just your opinion?

Its NOT about disclosing every person or parent you might "know" or cross paths with socially, it's about declaring actual relationships! There's a big difference between knowing a parent through a mutual activity and actively socialising with them, with their children, in their homes, being privy to personal details about their lives and they yours!

Same with family relationships- a PP said that teachers are professionals and can distinguish between inside and outside of school. Whilst i agree that's the expectation, it really is incredibly naive to assumes that all educators are immune to favouritism or the pressures and expectations that others (friends/family) may put on them in regards to "looking out" for their darlings!

Disclosure protects staff too from being put in positions where they may be conflicted between their relationships and the children's needs. Where parents teach at schools their children attend for example, its now incredibly common practice (best practice in fact!) for them NOT to teach their own children where this can be avoided.

If you DO work in education, I'm quite concerned that you dont seem to understand this!

As i asked a previous poster, do you actually work in education or is this just your opinion?

And that isn't an abuse of power and a reason to NOT teach your friends and relatives????

Poor kid, "my godmother uses me as an example to others and my mum let's her"

You do know that its now considered best practice for this NOT to be the case, when it can reasonably be avoided!

You'd think that was obvious right? The amount of people who think otherwise on this thread is shocking!

I have been a teacher in non selective state secondary schools for more than 30 years. I am head of KS5 and have done enhanced safeguarding training. In all the schools I have taught in, I have had to sign a declaration at the start of the academic year. This is a declaration of pecuniary interests, whether or not one has a relative in school, if you have additional paid employment and if you are a member of a society such as the Freemasons.
You do not have to say if you have a friendship with a parent outside of school.