Is it really that bad to put my 3yo in full-time nursery so I can work on my novel?

[FoxBomber]

I’ve taken a year out of my job (corporate, very full on) to finally try and finish a novel I’ve been working on for years. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do properly, not just in scraps of time after bedtime.

DD is 3 and we’ve got a lovely local nursery that has space for her full time. She’s been going a couple of mornings a week already and adores it. They do forest school, messy play, loads of outdoor time.

But I’ve had some pushback (mostly MIL but a few others too) about whether it’s “right” to send her full time when I’m “not working.” The implication being that because I’m not being paid to write, it doesn’t count.

For me, this year is a serious commitment, not just a bit of scribbling while she naps. I’ve planned it all out and I’m treating it like a proper job. I want to give it the best shot I can.

I do feel guilty though. Like I should be making more of these early years, or that I’m being selfish. But at the same time, I know I’d be a better mum if I felt fulfilled in myself too.

Is full-time nursery unreasonable in this context? Or am I just second guessing everything because of the mum guilt?

Most 3 year olds do nursery or preschool. When does she start school? If you theoretically had another child would you keep her in nursery? Lots of people keep their older child in nursery when they have a younger. It's not just for work!
I think if she's not doing long days it's fine. DS did 4 days a week 9-3 at preschool when I had DD. If I was using it to write (I wish!) he wouldn't have known the difference.
I'd maybe compromise to 4 days so she gets a nice day with you each week. They are at school before you know it!

The problem is though that realistically most people who want to write a novel won't get it published. And those who do, the majority do not make a living from it. I think £7k annual salary from writing is the average, which is not a full time wage.

It's all very well saying "don't give up the day job", but until, if you ever are, a successful writer that's a pie in the sky dream unless you have other income. In the Op's case, she's got a dh who is supporting her, but can they afford for her to take a year out to write this one and pay child care, with no promise of salary at the end? (I note she's only said "novel" not "novels")
If she's got a contract to write this book with an agent/publisher then it's a different matter.

I don't think OP is worrying about the cost so much as the time her daughter is spending at nursery rather than at home.

To your general point, of course it's easy to say this stuff as a successful writer. But the fact remains, if you want to be a writer and are committed to it, you need to treat it as a job not a hobby.

If you're seeing writing as your job, you can't do it while looking after a three year old. So yes, of course you can put her in nursery. It sounds like she enjoys it so what's the problem? It doesn't have to be 8-6 every weekday, work out a routine that suits you.

I don't know why you're getting so many people say they wouldn't send a three year old to nursery... most people do!

Jesus I love the mums on here with the whole “I wouldn’t have done that for such a young child but you do you” guilt posts. The judgement and privilege is just so tiring.

It’s 2025, and the cost of living crisis is insane. My child has been in full time nursery since a year old because we simply cannot afford for him not to be in order to have another child. I’m the devil for putting him in there and I’m also the devil if I don’t give him another sibling. I absolutely can’t win either way so give up trying.

It’s hard and I don’t love it, but I’m hoping to pull back when he starts school next year.

My point of all this is you do you. You’ve given your child the best of you for three years, and you’ll be able to give them so much of your novel does well, not to mention the example you are setting them by fulfilling your goals.

Don’t think twice, and best of luck with it. You’re being an incredible example x

PS mumsnet ain’t the place to take deep opinions on board. Good for perspective but just remember everyone’s decisions and life choices have background context and the comments on here often lack it.

Playing devils advocate, what the reality of your novel actually being published unless you self publish? Are you in touch with literary agents, do you have a book deal? If the answer to these are no, then you should probably work on your book part time and spend time with your child, they’re children for such a short time!

I would say you do work,you are a writer now.

It’s your choice but JK Rowling worked while writing Harry Potter i.e you do not need to give up all commitments to write a successful book.

If she hasn’t written the novel yet, then she can’t send out to agents (you need a finished MS for fiction, though sometimes you can sell a non-fiction book on the strength of a sample chapter and your own experience). And she certainly won’t have a book deal if the novel doesn’t yet exist.

I think I would aim for four days - possibly 9-3pm ish. This gives your child some benefit of your increased flexibility (time she wouldn't have got if you were in your corporate role this year) and setting up a good routine for school next year.

I'm also a novelist - and OP I came to say exactly the same thing. There's a limit to how much creative work you can do each day without a rest. I think studies have shown that most people can only do a max four hours a day of creative work. Personally my best work comes if I work for two hours a day, which equals around 2k words for me (and editing about 3k if I'm in editing mode). I actually get more writing done with a full time job than when I take time off work to write all day.

All that is to say you should figure out when your most productive time is during the day and then put DD in childcare for that time. Personally I'd do half days - you won't be able to write solidly for 8 hours so you won't get less done, and half days would give you a nice balance between childcare and writing.

I think for your joint savings and/or DH salary to support you all plus paying for childcare 5 days a week whilst you write, seems a bit indulgent and from your update, possibly not what your DH was expecting.

Especially, if you delayed until next year instead, little one will be in school and you wouldn't have any childcare costs.

Also, from a creative point of view, tapping into that part of you 5 solid days a week is a lot of pressure.

Have you had blooks of just writing before? Any other opportunies where you have tried this out already?

I'd either secure childcare for 5 days and work part time and write part time, or have childcare part time to write and spend the other days with DC.

Is your DH going to take your writing days as work seriously, or will you be expected to do more of the household stuff too?

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with what you are doing, but if you are thinking of your writing as self-employment rather than a satisfying sabbatical from your career, it's worth thinking about how much money you are likely to make from writing and then set that against the costs of childcare. Given that the median yearly income from writing of a full-time author is around £7,000, you are unlikely to break even.

There's nothing wrong with taking a sabbatical to create something special and follow a dream, though.

I don’t see how your writing is any different from any other full time job? I worked full time when mine were that age and they were in full time child care - like you I was really happy with the nursery and they were happy there too. I often felt that they were in much better hands there with trained professionals (who really cared and stayed in a stable group with the kids for 4 years straight) than they would have been with my haphazard parenting efforts at home! I was not well suited to toddlers 😁. But that’s beside the point, which is that kids can and do thrive perfectly well in nursery full time and nobody bats an eyelid when this is because the parents have to work, nor would they be laying the guilt on like this if you were the dad rather than the mum. Your problem is not about how much time your child spends at nursery but how unseriously everyone is taking your writing.

I don't think any 3yr old should be in nursery full time. It's too much at such a young age, they should have time at home with parents if possible. We both work 4 days so that we can cut down the amount DC needs to be in childcare. Yes that comes at bit of a financial sacrifice but it's no life to pack young children to nursery 10hrs a day 5 days a week.

Obviously some people need to work full time and use childcare (but also many people could adjust lifestyles and work less but choose not to). But for a vanity writing project I think that part time nursery would be good compromise, maybe 3 days.

I am a writer and I think you need a bit of time pressure to succeed. Why not put her in nursery every morning and give yourself those three hours to really focus on your work? Maybe on Wednesdays she could do a full day as you could devote the day to it. I wrote my first book, 80,000 words, in 80 days and it took two hours a day of typing as fast as hell. I made myself to 1000 words every day. The rest of the time I was thinking about it. Obviously that was only a first draft but it shows what's possible.

When mine were toddlers I worked in the same nursery, near Christmas id pay for them to be in on my day off so I had a day to do housework/get Christmas shopping sorted and sometimes did get my nails done (stopped that during COVID because everywhere shut down and my lady has stopped them now) 🤣 nursery isn't a punishment for the child is it, they enjoy it

So we sort of did this in my household but it was DH that was undertaking a creative passion project.

I was not prepared for DS to do 5 days in nursery to facilitate this. We settled on 2 days at nursery plus DH did a lot of it at the weekend. I worked (and still do work) full time plus did 95% of childcare at the weekend.

That was 10 years ago and he never went back to work. He's been very successful creatively (won major awards for his work and asked to speak at universities often) but never made any money really. Maybe 5-6k a year on average mostly from prizes.

So I guess if you were my wife I'd be saying not full time sorry ha ha.

My son has been in full time childcare since he was 9 months old as my husband and I both work 8-5. I see no issue with sending a three year old to pre-school. Son has just finished that year and absolutely loved it :) He’s now very prepared for reception come September.

Good luck with your writing! :)

I think anything more than 3 days a week is too much and a bit selfish if you’re not officially employed.

I do think so, yes.

Nobody would ever criticise a male writer for having someone else look after his child so he could write 🙄

It's fine to have childcare for any reason at all. You don't need to justify it to anyone else.

I would. Not criticise, but if you can avoid putting a 3 year old on full time nursery I would. They benefit from more parental nurture if possible.

And if everyone thought this, no woman with a child would ever have written a novel.