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Original poster

My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

436 replies

WiseHiker · 25/07/2025 15:52

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

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reflectiv · 31/07/2025 18:41

@NeverDropYourMooncup he's 20!

Perhaps you're getting confused with another thread, but the OP said he's a diligent worker who is getting frustrated and depressed about his future prospects and it spilled over into unacceptable physical violence on one occasion. There's no reason to assume he has issues with "doing as he's told" - if he did then he wouldn't have held down his hospitality job so successfully. Just give the OP a break and deliver your advice without the nasty insinuations.

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 19:18

I wish people would stop saying “engineering”. An engineer is not what he would be. It’s essentially rail maintenance - but we need it. Why anyone would think he’s a good bet for a sought after apprenticeship is beyond me. They are way more difficult to get than standard jobs with no training. He’s far better off doing a college course and then applying for apprenticeships. He needs success at something.

reflectiv · 31/07/2025 20:27

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 19:18

I wish people would stop saying “engineering”. An engineer is not what he would be. It’s essentially rail maintenance - but we need it. Why anyone would think he’s a good bet for a sought after apprenticeship is beyond me. They are way more difficult to get than standard jobs with no training. He’s far better off doing a college course and then applying for apprenticeships. He needs success at something.

@TizerorFizz your obsessive guardianship of the word "engineering" is whistling in the wind. It is a widely used term, just like "scientist" and "designer" (which also have optional chartered status for those that want/need it for progressing their career). You may not like it, but that's the way it is.

Autumn1990 · 31/07/2025 20:32

He might like the military, there’s a strong sense of community and many opportunities. I know a lot of people who have joined and really enjoyed it and had good careers afterwards and they’ve not been officers.
Conservation work with National Parks etc is great for volunteering but jobs are incredibly competitive and a very very skilled sector even though the pay is low.
There are workshops/day courses often free for small businesses or people thinking of setting up a small business (he could sell collectibles online), they are interesting, you can network, he can learn little bit about something new which he might want to take further.
If he really wants a trade you can do a basic 5 day plumbing course which covers sinks, bathrooms etc. there are online theoretical courses such as the Heat Geek ones it would make him a more attractive apprentice

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 23:35

@reflectivYou are of course correct but what a stupid country we are that we do not separate someone repairing the washing machine from someone who takes 7 years to qualify and needs a 4 year degree. We don’t seem to think the dc could be a medical doctor! No difference in training.

Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:29

It was not a co worker he hit it was another applicant who refused to listen to him at an assessment centre when working as a team where in the losing team was sent home early. he waited outside and suckered punched him out of frustration as he really worked hard researching the company and felt that because of this he wasn't given a fair shot.

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:30

Due to his condition he wouldn't cope well with being shouted at. He is prone to extreme reactions

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:32

He is going to give the men's shed a go. He also revealed to me while in his last college a kid was clowning around in lessons and due to how driven he is he choked the kid out after hours as it was slowing the pace of the lessons

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:37

I've told him he can't go on threatening people for "dragging it out" and that he needs to relax. I'm getting him counselling for everything that's going on. He's opened up that he hates where his life is and wants a fresh start. In his eyes he admits he wasted 2 years but has been given no ways to work his way back up. Applied for hundreds of jobs. I don't think he's violent just scared he will mess up his life

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KateMiskin · 10/08/2025 20:38

Hang on, your son choked a kid in college? And you think he deserves to be in a workplace, not in jail?

KateMiskin · 10/08/2025 20:40

And yes, he's violent. You are deluded.

Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:41

He has considered the fire service as he likes being up on his feet it's hard to get into however. He is also scared of heights ironically

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:42

Because he was slowing his education down meaning he had to work longer in a job he hated I don't blame him at all some people need to be taught a lesson

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:43

He was prioritising his education in my opinion what other options did he have he spoke to the teacher about his concerns and nothing was done

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:45

He was miserable in college the kids where apparently smoking pot and had no interest in actually learning

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:46

He was also in college I must paraphrase

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reflectiv · 10/08/2025 20:47

@WiseHiker if you want to reply to someone you need to use "Quote" (not "Add Post"), or else you need tag the person you're replying to.

Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:49

@reflectiv OK I'm not the best with tech

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KateMiskin · 10/08/2025 20:59

WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:42

Because he was slowing his education down meaning he had to work longer in a job he hated I don't blame him at all some people need to be taught a lesson

Right. You think your son choking people is " prioritising his education.' and trying to get ahead.

This has to be a windup. But if it isn't, your violent son needs to be in prison.

Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 21:06

All in all I have told him in regards to his violence that it is wrong but the teacher should have at least let him complete corse work on his own. I am also going to get him counciling

In regards to apprenticeships I have spoken to him that he is unlikely to find one given his lack of qualifications which he was annoyed at given the fact that they are entry level positions which I think is understandable given that they don't list prior qualifications as a requirement especially so given he writen around 30 individual cover letters for it.

He is unprepared to go back college not due to accidemic abilities but due to the fact that its over years and he can't work full time and earn an income. He has been saving to "get out of the town." As he feels alone and isolated as his friends abandoned him. He is still doing well in his part time job he has never hit a co worker. The violence in part seems to be where he thinks others have made his life harder

He wants a career and all he has is a nvq 2 gym Instructing qual and 2 years working in a pub where he claims he's depressed. He's agreed to the men's shed however in regards to volunteering his exact words where "why should I help people who never gave a crap when I was being made fun of." Furthermore saying that his time isn't for free it's the most valuable thing he's got.

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 21:08

@KateMiskin I can assure you it's not. What help would it do for him being in prison

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KateMiskin · 10/08/2025 21:11

WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 21:08

@KateMiskin I can assure you it's not. What help would it do for him being in prison

Your son is a professional victim. And you are his enabler.

He might learn not to choke people if he had some consequences.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 10/08/2025 21:11

WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 20:42

Because he was slowing his education down meaning he had to work longer in a job he hated I don't blame him at all some people need to be taught a lesson

Sorry what? You don’t blame him for choking a child for messing around in lessons? Not sure you’re best placed to be advising him OP, he needs to get a grip of himself or he will end up in prison rather than a better job.

Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 21:15

@KateMiskin Hasn't he been through enough
Dad's terminally ill
Cant find a job
Broken up with
Cheated on
Bullied for his entire time in school
Am I so wrong for wanting the best for him I've told him his actions where wrong and he hasn't done it again since that last incident a year ago. He just wants to make something of himself.

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Original poster
WiseHiker · 10/08/2025 21:18

Anyone would be abit annoyed after all that

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