My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

Why leave it out? It shows he's entirely unsuitable for many roles - otherwise you have some poor, helpless boy needing assistance instead of a violent thug feeling sorry for himself and his mum trying to fix it for him.

He’s aggressive
Sulky
goes on “rants” at home
has physically attacked a co worker on the grounds due to frustration that he believed no one listened to him and he was RIGHT
Clearly has a superiority complex in thinking what he is entitled to have from an apprenticeship
Relies on his mum to drive him around

Op, it’s like the beginning of a Netflix crime documentary about the life of a serial killer

Has he chatted his job options through with ChatGPT? It might help him as it's logical and structured. Just a thought.

Op, it’s like the beginning of a Netflix crime documentary about the life of a serial killer

I’m genuinely struggling to get my head around what kind of absolute arsehole someone would have to be to post a comment like this.

OP, ignore the posters who know fuck all about autism and focus on the ones that are actually helpful, of which there have been several. You both clearly need way more support than you’re getting, so I’d start by seeking advice from autism charities and organisations (everything from the National Autisitc Society to local parent/carer groups on facebook). Remember that autistic people are often a few years behind their peers in terms of emotional development, so there’s every chance things will improve for your DS as he reaches his mid-late 20s. Encourage him to open up to you as much as possible and to take responsibility for his actions in as many small ways as you can (helping him get into a set routine including chores around the house might help). Get him to a GP as soon as possible too, as there may be medication he can try. Good luck x

My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

should be reworded to

My son can't get an apprenticeship because he is violent and moody

Actually read the OP’s thread

he PUNCHED a colleague
he rants at home
he thinks that he is entitled to a particular kind of apprentice and dismisses other options as beneath him

I wouldn’t want this man within a 5 mile radius of my daughter and I don’t give a fig if that’s not PC enough for you @Sailing8

You actually read it. OP came on asking for help and constructive advice. Your reply did not offer this in any way; many others have. If you have nothing helpful to contribute, move on rather than writing silly comments about serial killers, FFS. This has nothing to do with being “PC” - just pointing out unnecessary nastiness from those who clearly enjoy kicking someone when they’re down. Have a great day 👋

@WiseHiker would he consider the armed forces, or the police or the fire service?

In the meantime, to expand his work experience beyond the hospitality industry, he could consider doing NPLQ Lifeguard training (https://www.rlss.org.uk/national-pool-lifeguard-qualification) and/or getting a CSCS Labourer Green Card (https://www.cscs.uk.com/card-type/labourer/). There are usually plenty of entry-level jobs on offer for young people with these accreditations.

You want a volatile teen to work in public services?

I want a young man who is sliding into a dark place to have a positive future. For that, he needs to build his skills and his confidence. The armed forces have lots of apprenticeships for skilled roles.

Stop bullying the OP. If you don't want to help, leave that to others.

Hi all,
Just a reminder that we are here to offer peer support - of course that doesn't mean being supportive of every word an OP says but we would hope that any criticism would be couched in sufficiently constructive terms that a concerned OP might be best placed to hear it and act on it. Making parents' lives easier and all that! Thanks.

Not sure why you are directing that at me! I only posted earlier in the thread suggesting access courses and volunteering. Op has already said he is physically unsuited to public services anyway.

Being flat footed might prevent a front line role, but the armed forces also offer skilled trade apprenticeships such as engineering.

Having high functioning ASD is unlikely to be a blocker either.

Could he not do a plumbing course or similar? A course in hospitality? He needs to stick at something snd get some skills.

He can get an government advanced learner loan.

Get him to do his cscs card via greenskills

Then this
https://www.khplanttraining.co.uk/funded-training/

For the CSCS Green Card, which is the building industry's passport for unskilled labouring jobs on building sites, you first need a Level 1 award in Health & Safety (from an approved list) and then you need to pass the CITB Operatives Test. My son has just got his green card. He got:

1. "Level 1 Award in Health and Safety in the Construction Environment" with The Builders Academy for £109.99. It's an online course, which he did at his own pace in less than a day, then scheduled the exam for the next day. The exam was multi-choice, online and was proctored.
2. CITB Operatives Test for £22.50 at a Pearson Vue test centre. Beforehand, he also paid about £7 to download the CITB app so he could do practice tests, but he found the multi-choice test very easy after having previously done the Level 1 course. If you stay in the industry you have to re-do this course every 2 years to renew your green card.
3. The Green Card itself from the CITB website. This cost £36.

He'd just have to remember not to square up to the Pearson staff when they insist upon ID and placing his phone and other items in a locker before the test commences - and to turn up in good time and not kick off if he does not pass.

DP worked there for a while. The behaviour of some of the males taking the tests made it clear why they were unsuitable for other roles. The chairs through the 5th floor window, dodging computers being thrown at female staff members and threats to kill were not worth the pay rate.

Unnecessary. See MNHQ's reminder from up-thread.

I doubt he’s suited to the military at the moment but I’d try and find something useful at college in terms of a practical skill. Obviously a cv and work go together so finding something he’s interested in is key.

I see what mn hq wrote but women see violence from men as a red flag. There have been positive posts!

It seemed pretty necessary to DP when he was shielding other employees from shattering glass with all of his 5'7" might because some of the construction test candidates really didn't like being asked to follow the rules or that they'd failed the tests.

He's already assaulted somebody related to work - he does appear to need to be told clearly if he does those tests to do as he's asked and not attack somebody if he doesn't like what the outcome is. As did those people who made an easy testing centre job actually dangerous for the staff.

It's unnecessary and unhelpful to project your feelings about that onto the OP.

OK.

If he does them, he'll need proper safety boots, hi viz, hat, gloves, goggles, ear plugs in order to be allowed onsite. He will also be required to obey without question because site work is dangerous; he may find this easier when faced with fully grown men larger and stronger than him from fifteen to twenty years plus in construction and the physical effort/satisfaction of seeing real physical differences in whatever is being built, excavated or demolished may help him regulate his emotions.

It's not necessarily a bad job for him. As long as he can accept that it means absolutely doing as he's told (and quite possibly experiencing a level of banter, teasing or piss taking that he could find challenging).

Alternatives with a similar requirement of obedience due to danger would include vehicle mechanics, but can be significantly dirtier depending upon the type of vehicle and may require a higher level of basic qualification due to the computerised nature of a lot of vehicle components now and the move to electric vehicles.

Another option could be looking into Royal Mail (they are extremely hot on compliance with everything including what way to walk when moving a parcel from one belt to another due to safety) or a Rail company/Network Rail engineering/repair apprenticeship rather than necessarily costumer service or driving. Bus companies are another option, but tend to want a full driving licence before they will consider somebody, so he may need to wait until he is 18 for those.

@NeverDropYourMooncup he's 20 so he could go for anything that requires being over 18.