How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

Wasn’t there a case in Bristol where a student was struggling, parents kept in the dark due to confidentiality, and the student killed herself? I thought universities reflected on this, and Bristol was found to have been negligent in its handling of the situation. As someone else said earlier, simply turning 18 doesn’t make kids morph into fully functioning adults over night. Personally I think there should be a degree of permitted communication between parents and the university.

@namechange1975 what about those 18 year olds who leave home due to awful controlling parents who are not accepting financial support? At what age do they get to break free?

An 18 year old should be able to discuss this with their parents themselves if being financially supported. If they can't, maybe they're not ready for independence

In fairness to op in some countries, notably USA, parents are more involved in their dc uni education and the teaching style can be more like an extension of school.

You won't be given your offsprings grades - that would be a violation of their right to confidentiality. You could however raise your concerns with the uni. I am sure that they would engage with you on that level and try to allay your fears (or not). Just be honest. They might for instance say that they haven't seen your son for a while.

I think it's important that you do contact him because it might be useful for them to know of your concerns as they may also be trying to contact him with no response.

If they’re adults, why is their parents’ income taken into consideration when awarding their student loan?

Thank you everyone. I am concerned as he has some emotional difficulties and after seeing those two Oxford students who committed suicide I am very scared. I live abroad, and he is in the UK. He was open with me in the past, but now he doesn’t want to talk about University, or anything else to be honest. I call once a week giving him space, but even then he seems bored with our 5 min conversation. Yes I pay for everything as a single mum.
Thank you again for explaining how things are once our children go to uni.

In 2010 in Edinburgh I once didn't get an admin job at one of the universities because the "in tray" task was to answer an email from parents asking for information about their adult student child and in my reply to the parents, I politely refused to give them the information under the data protection act.

Thank God things have changed and unis are more clued up on protecting students.

Leave him alone, he is an adult - you sound like an insufferable parent

As PP have suggested OP, if you're concerned about him you can ask to speak to their student welfare service and ask them to do a wellbeing check on him. They won't be able to even confirm that he's one of their students, let alone feed back to you. However at least then you'll know it's been flagged.

what about those 18 year olds who leave home due to awful controlling parents who are not accepting financial support? At what age do they get to break free?

They really are behaving as independent adults.

An 18 year old should be able to discuss this with their parents themselves if being financially supported. If they can't, maybe they're not ready for independence

Yes, but how do they know before they've tried?

It's a bit too black and white based on an arbitrary age. The OPs DC doesn't seem to be behaving like an independent responsible adult - wtf is she supposed to do if he won't communicate?

You call once a week? Stop that for a start. Let him live his life. If he doesn't contact you, maybe you should think hard about why he doesn't. You're doing him no favours with your controlling ways.

(I'm also a single mum who has supported 2 DC through uni and no, I didn't call them once a week or want to check on their grades!)

Yes exactly. Whether you want to put conditions on that money is completely a matter between you and your child.

Hes an adult and his data is confidential to him. You have no right to know anything.

Maybe the reason he's not telling you anything is because you are treating him like a child, not the adult he is.

Your son is not a child. He is an adult.

And frankly, please do not use overstretched university staff to make up for deficiencies in your family relationships. It’s not our job.

If he is not attending or doing his work, we will be dealing with it.

No, the University will not share that information with you. When I worked at a University, we had parents turn up for their child's graduation asking why there weren't any tickets for them to pick up. Their child had failed the 1st year but had continued to pretend to attend University for a further 2 years. We couldn't tell the parents anything and could only tell them to speak to their child.

Exactly! I often think this. On the one hand we’re told they’re adults, and we have no right to expect any involvement in their lives ever again. Then on the other hand, we’re told we have to reveal our financial information because this affects how much money the students are loaned by Student Finance. So are they independent or not??!!!

@Sweetiedarling2024 can you explain what OP has done that is insufferable?

@Snowflake55

OP, could you say that you would like to visit him in December?

Actually being with him might give you a better indication of how things are.

Wow your kids didn’t contact you for weeks on end? That’s sad.

Perhaps you need to reflect on your parenting. Where did you go wrong in your relationships with your DC for them to drop contact with you like this?

But you said in your first post that you wanted to check his attendance and grades! Now you say you’re worried about his MH. Again, surely you can see his record with student counselling or medical services would be confidential, unless he chooses to disclose them ?

Do universities actually know who attends lectures. They don't have attendance records.

No you have no rights over an adult.

There was a girl in my uni who did this, she never showed up to mandatory classes and failed first year then had a huge rant about how no one had phoned her parents to tell them so how was she suppose to know its important (because orienteering, introduction, welcome pack and freshers tour all where very clear on which classes where mandatory attendance). Basically all 'practical classes' that couldn't just be practiced elsewhere being a medical course. Lots of controlled substances like blood sample, drugs, bacterial and viral cultures etc... She went mental though about how no one told her parents, uni just reminder shes an adult and failure is now her own fault (the weirder bit is she was a mature student in her 20s so not even a fresh out of college kid).

I completely understand your concern OP, and hope you and your son can work out a way to communicate. It's all very complicated isn't it. The theory and the practice are so far apart when you are worried about someone you love.

I remember being that teenager, and was so worried about not letting my parents down that they didn't appreciate how much I was struggling until I had dropped out. They just thought I was lazy, but really I was in a mess and didn't know where to turn - I certainly wasn't aware of student support back in the early 80's. Perhaps you could try to talk to him and signpost support that isn't you, just incase he can open up to them. Maybe you could also contact student support too and say you've directed him to them, because you are worried.