How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

Please OP explain why you think you have any 'rights' over an adult. Would you want someone to have rights over you.
He is your son and your relationship isn't a contract.

You do, from the person you are giving the money to.

His parent could make financially supporting him dependant on him telling them how he’s getting on. There might be consequences for the relationship in doing that but it sounds like things are rocky already.

But the university shouldn’t provide the parent directly with information.

Although I do understand people saying that if you're paying fees you should be told, but you can't make a system where some parents get the info based on how much they contribute and expect the lecturers to know this and who they can share with.

It's the OP's son who needs to share with his mum about his grades if he wants her to support him (assuming she is). If he refuses to disclose this then she can make the decision whether to continue to pay.

And yet we’re expected to financially contribute. It’s a bizarre system where you’re supposed to pay for something when you have no idea of progress.

You aren’t paying. The student is, with money you give them.

If you're paying course fees and accomodation fees, then respectfully ask your child for proof of attendance/exam and coursework results in order to continue to receive the financial support. If they need emotional or practical support I would be offering that too.

Unless he’s a child who is academically gifted and has gone to university much younger than usual then no, of course you have no right to this kind of information about your adult child. Do you expect your own parents to be able to phone up your workplace to find out information about your performance?

The feedback is through your son or daughter.

Are you suspicious that he's not attending?

Oh wow what am I reading. Time to step back op.

I agree the system is a bit fucked up, but it's not the adult's right to data privacy that needs to change.

My mother used to go into the branch of my building society local to her and ask them the balance in my account saying “I’m her mother, I have a right to know!”. They told her! This was in the days before GDPR but it was still a huge breach of my privacy. I was NC with her and still am, but would regularly hear from siblings and an aunt that I was “doing OK financially” and wondered how on Earth they could know.

I'm a lecturer and the one time I've accepted a request for adjustments from a parent not the adult child was when said adult child was under anaesthetic for an orthopaedic operation.
Mum rang me to let me know what was happening and I said I'd sort out the short term issues and he could fill in more forms when he was conscious.
You have no more rights than if you are paying your child's rent and they are working and you ask to see their HR records.

Or maybe he won't tell her as it's none of her business and she's been overly controlling his whole life 🤷‍♀️

Both my adult children tell me how they're doing at uni and I dont even ask or remember when their exams/tests are

Your child is an adult man now.

If she is paying and supporting him, she has the right to know from him if he's attending.If you are paying for him, I'd demand to know that he was at least attending.I would not be paying towards my child doing nothing.If he supports himself I suppose it's not really your business.
OP, how is your relationship with your son? What was it like before he refused to tell you anything about his studies.
I hope you get some some resolution on this.

She doesn't have the right to know. She may want to know, she may decide to put conditions on her financial support but she has no rights.

It's entirely right that the students grades are his business. But it seems unreasonable that if the OP is paying for something she can't find out if her money is being used for its intended purpose ie to enable her DS to attend uni, regardless of whether he's scraping through or doing ok.

I rather suspect part of the problem may be that unis want to keep their dropout rate appearing low, and carry on receiving tuition fees, even if the student to all intents and purposes has dropped out.

Btw, as someone who regularly has attendance under a third on a particular module - no, he's not going. If he's good at cramming he may well pull it back and do ok.

For all those saying no rights fine but parents income is means tested to assess students for a loan, I wouldn’t be happy subsidizing my child if they didn’t get the full loan only to not know how they were doing so I do sympathize with OP somewhat if she’s contributing to the costs.

Can you link any financial support to him sharing some information? I wouldn't be giving him any more money if I wasn't convinced he was still attending.

I think you know the answer op by the fact he won’t tell you. My two were always very open about it but that was because, luckily, they both worked hard and did well.

is he first year op? There’s plenty of time for him to settle down.

I won’t add to the chorus of “he’s an adult now”s. I think you’ve got that message.

You need to massively back off.

massively.

Kids might legally be an adult at 18 but it's ridiculous to think that they are suddenly completely autonomous, that their parents don't have to worry about what they're doing and they're suddenly fine to do whatever they like. This goes double for any kids that are ND who might be up to 3 years behind their actual age in emotional maturity.

It should be possible to find out if your child isn't attending any lectures at 18 IMO. They're living away from home for the first time, it's quite possible that no one is looking out for them or aware of their welfare at uni and they could be having a terrible time with their MH.

It's sad IMO that people here feel so strongly that at 18 you should be left alone to sink or swim. We know kids brains aren't fully developed till 25. I guess though when your own kids are doing fine it's easy to put concerned parents down and laugh at them wanting to get involved and try to find out what's going on with their kids.