How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

I have a really independent and mature DD1 at university, and have never been a helivppter parenr, but think grades and attendance should be shared with parents by default, unless someone is not supported by parents for a good reason.

Yes, they are adults but they are adults with training wheels on being supported by parents, and they can also be quite vulnerable to the university themselves and people like landlords taking advantage of their naïvety. There is also a huge range of personality types and levels of maturity. Parents as adults with more life experience need to advocate for them sometimes. Look at how universities treated students in the pandemic, as an example.

Like it or not, the fee-paying, means tested, parental top up system as it is now has made parents into consumers. We not only want to see that our DCs are ok but that we are getting value for money and a good service from the institution.

Funnily, this was the style of "parenting" (can you even parent a grown adult beyond support and love?) used on me and I did very well, thank you. 😁 It's the students whose parents have faith in them and treat them like the independent adults they are who achieve highest, in my experience. But sure, with your reams of vast experience in the subject of universities, carry on making baseless posts.

Also, not a university worker. I didn't fancy being treated the way many people on this thread treat them. My husband used to be - and left lecturing in part because of the same attitudes. Many friends feel exactly the same way.

@Lyraloo

In that case, I have absolutely no idea about these double standards you're on about - you posted about them in the midst of a debate regarding university records, didn't elaborate, and then just started posting this sort of thing. I'm not entirely sure what you expected anyone to think.

If we're speaking about two separate things, then well and good, but more information is often rather useful.

I used to manage graduates. I was once contacted by a mother to check if she should pack a lunch for her son and to check that I would meet him at the front door.

He was 22 with no special needs.

While I never told him about this humiliating episode, this parenting style showed up on his work every day, he didn’t manage stress well at all and was very entitled.

i appreciate it can be a difficult adjustment for parents, but there needs to be an adjustment.

If you have always been a helicopter mum then he is probably just rebelling against your constant attention now that he has more freedom. Call him once a week as usual, maybe a mid week text saying that you're just checking in and try to stop worrying. It's hard, but he's a grown adult now, not a child like you are still calling/treating him.

The training wheels have to come off at some point. At 18 at uni they should be wobbling along without them.

Genuinely astounded at how many parents think they should have access to students' data as a matter of course.

Then you are as controlling as the OP appears to be. Where's the trust?

I can’t believe this. Universities have to deal with this all the time. No you have no right to information about your adult son. There are very good reasons for this. Any issue with your son is between you and him.

From staff: your son is an adult now the info is confidental and not shared without his consent. However if you have health / welfare concerns you can speak to the uni to raise these concerns. The best thing you can do is to let your son learn from his mistakes. If a student isnt attending lectures then the uni have their own processes to deal with this, as attendance is required. So there would be communication with him and warnings etc. If a student doesnt submit assessments or submits assessments yet fails, or plagaerises work , then there are also processes for this and there are repercussions so students learn from the errors. Students in their first year may well make mistakes , plan time poorly or not heed deadlines or instructions - in fact this is a common problem. But it is part of the growing up and learning process. Students then learn the consequences. A uni would not normally just throw a student out of uni without their being a process leading to that - a process which supports struggling students. So best advice is to let your son be responsible for his own actions, and make and learn from any mistakes. However if you have concerns for his wellbeing / safety / mental health then you should raise these with uni.

@Bellyblueboy I’m sorry to read this, but not surprised. I really worry about some of my undergrads. They lack resilience and, as one of my Chinese teaching assistants said, some of them are fragile and unwilling to participate in the basic stuff they need to do to meet our intended learning outcomes, mandated by QAA and our national discipline benchmarks.

And yet, in order to try to maintain a productive teaching relationship, I can’t tell them what I’d really like to say. Some of them have little idea about professional behaviour (a student eating popcorn and texting during an individual tutorial with me!!!) in person or via email. But we are subject to complaints if we try to suggest that they need to behave with professionalism and respect. So we try to model politeness and appropriate behaviour in our dealings with students, in the hope that at some point the penny will drop.

I do worry about how some of them will fare in the workplace. The mixture of unspecified anxiety and entitlement in some undergrads is particularly worrying to me.

Yes I am very controlling just like the Op, believe what you like.I have a good relationship with my kids and so far they are thriving and doing very well academicaly.Much better than I ever have.Sure there are a few problems nobodies perfect but things here are pretty good. What I do have is that thing boundaires that eveyone goes on about these days.
The Uni staff sound like broken records on this thread going on and on about the parents not having the right to know anything about the kids grades.They seem even to love to tell the OP she has no rights to know.Any normal person knows that we have no right to know because of data protection.
Enjoy your day, I must get back to being super controling over my family.
It 's actually the one thimg I do not believe in.I know you can only control yourself.

The Uni staff sound like broken records on this thread going on and on about the parents not having the right to know anything about the kids grades

That is hardly surprising since they are all bound by the same confidentiality rules.

I think the training wheels are supposed to have come off before university tbh.

Of course an adult funding their child's university has the right to ask re their progress, and be concerned, and has the right to withdraw that funding if the child isn't attending lectures or submitting work. But that's between the student and parent and not the university and the parent.

Probably because universities don't ask parents to fund their degree?

They ask the student to fund it. How the student funds it is up to them. Most will chose a loan from SFE who expect a contribution based on parental income

Oh come on, be realistic. Without parental help there would hardly be any students in the university.

Don't be ridiculous.
He's an adult. Leave him to it.

Why? Financially, when I went to uni I didn't get financial aid from my parents. Dad (widowed) had a low wage, so I just got loans and burseries. And a job. Lots of my friends were the same. No one was getting their rent or shopping paid for by their parents.

If some people are - great. But no one is forcing them to do that. Unless something has changed, but I've just googled to be sure and no parent is being forced to pay their DC's loans from what I can see.

Academically? My dad was a clever man, but he wasn't academic and he couldn't have helped me if he'd tried. He just supported me in doing what I wanted to do. And I did damn well.

If there are any concerns about his mental health, you should discuss this with him first and if there's still resistance to having a conversation, I would tell him that you have no option but to speak with the university about his concerns. He may be an adult but keeping our children safe and looking out for them is something we do until the day we die, regardless of whether they're 20 weeks / months /years and beyond

I'd also have a very honest conversation about expectations if you're fully funding him. The minimum I'd want is confirmation (or proof, if there's doubt ) of attendance and grades.

The fact that he refuses to even discuss these things would suggest that maybe there are issues.

Universities have a duty of care and if you really think there's something going on which could put him at risk, you MUST discuss this with the university welfare dept

I hope all is well and he's just flexing his independence, albeit in a selfish inconsiderate way

Well your clever father, managed to raise a really clever person, who didn't need any help from anyone.This boy.seems to be struggling in some way.Or at least is not being transparent.
How long ago where you at uni being clever and not needing any help from anyone?Things have got a hell of a lot more expensive.
Never mind you can keep giving us all your smug advise on here?

What a silly comment. I'm talking strictly financial and academic help. Things that actually get a person through university.

He may well not be being transparent, and that's his mother's place to offer love and support. But there's a line between offering love and support and understanding, and trying to force someone to offer up private information.

Doesn't matter how long ago I went to university. It was still damn well expensive then just as it is now, especially when you're from a working class background. My point is that parents are not required to pay student loans. And if they choose to, doing it with strings attached is pretty grim.

You have friends?
Do you constantly tell them how clever you are like have us?
I bet if you had to bank roll a student to the tune of 500 euros every month you would want to know, if he was not actually using it to study.I bet you wouldn't just say oh leave him to it.
Glad to hear you turned out so perfect.

@Muffit do you really need to be so unpleasant? Go for a walk in the fresh air or something. You're coming across as a knob.

Very emotive post, many ad hominem attacks and yet not very much content. 🤔

I would respect my adult child to live their own life, and help in any emotional way I could. I wouldn't demand their academic scores, same as I wouldn't demand their medical records. My love and help aren't conditional.

For those saying the uni should release this type of info because your paying, do you also think you should have acces to their medical records as you are financially supporting them? Should you also have access to their bank statements as you are financially supporting them?

Secondly the reason we don't discuss any student information without the express permission of the student is because their data is protected by GDPR. To give out the data of an adult without their express permission is illegal. It is not the up to the university staff to decide this.

From a safety perspective we don't know if our students are care leavers or fleeing domestic abuse so confirming they even attend a certain university could put them at risk.

If you had read what I have been saying I wouldn't demand the results from the Uni.My love for my kids also wouldn' t depend on them doing well, I have never pushed them.I do however have to keep an eye on our in and outgoings to yes, I get my son to come back home, or get a job if he dropped out.That is all.
I know I have no legal right to his exam results, or doctors records.

Perhaps I have also been a bit rude to the Uni staff who probably get a hard time from different parents.
I don't wish to do that , please keep being supportive to the students they need your help, even if some are flakey and don't attend.

No way have I ever put pressure on my children to perform, I would be just as happy if they were not going to uni.You guys like to either not read what 's being said or twist things around.