Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

Just how much are your daughter's school fees? The average rental cost of a two bedroom flat in the crappy part of south London where I live is £1600 a month, so about the same as the average cost of a private secondary school. You both work full time and have no mortgage? Are you both on very low wages?

I wouldn’t have remortgaged but then my DCs are in state schools and no way I will be working 60 hours to send my kids to private. Local 6th form colleges here send many kids to Oxbridge too. They keep talking about it.

It’s not just two year’s school fees you’ve got to find; you’ll also have five years’ uni costs to fund if your dd does dentistry. In your shoes I’d be encouraging her to go to the state sixth form, and save as much as you can towards uni in that time.

In fact just looked at the college webpage and they said they have around 50 oxbridge offers per year. It’s not like no one gets to dentistry from state schools.

Your dad is wrong - your daughter won’t have a better chance of getting into university from a state school.
Universities will, quite rightly, take into account the elevation in grades your daughter has gained by going to private school, but that is only levelling the playing field.

No advice but my dad got 3 x A's at A levels as did a few of her friends in state college..is the state college near you really bad ? Could you re locate to one better ?

I don't know where you are in the country but every area I know of has at least one state sixth form or sixth form college that is absolutely brilliant for high-achieving students. I'd be really surprised if that's not the case in your area. The schools down the road might be bang average but I doubt there's not a really academic sixth form within a relatively easy commute - even if you live in a rural area.
Don't look at the percentage of students at a state sixth form that get the top grades; look at the leavers' destinations.
Working like a dog just to keep your daughter in the school doesn't sound like it'll do you any good in the long run. And attending a state school - albeit for 2 years - will likely make your daughter a more well-rounded person by virtue of mixing with a much broader range of people.
If her current school want to keep her, then they need to make you a bursary offer that is hard to refuse. They will do that for good students, btw (at least, some schools used to - my DH was privately educated and his school offered a huge discount to his parents when he made noises about being tempted by a very good sixth form college where he lived).

She got great mock grades so she'll be fine in a half decent state 6th form. It'll be bigger classes and she'll need to be more self motivated though. The kids I know who have supportive families with parents who are invested in their education have done well regardless of the school they attended.

My DD had a group of friends in primary who split to go to different types of schools, some went to comps and some who went to an academic privates. All of them scored highly in SATS in yr 6. When they eventually got their GCSE grades they all came out with high results, similar to your daughter's mocks. Honestly, if she's bright and has your support, don't waste your money.

Hard working kids get good grades in state schools. Particularly at a levels.

I wouldn’t move your daughter, she sounds focused and bright so why upset the apple cart, just remortgage, it’s none of your dad’s business and frankly unfair of him to put you in this position. What’s the use of being mortgage free if you’re working yourself into the ground in 2 jobs. Your responsibility is to your daughter, not your dad.

I would look to state if she is a high achiever

I'd speak to Headteacher and tell him if DD doesn't get a bursary to help with the cost you will have to move her. Make the application for bursary and see if she gets it. It sounds like your DD is an asset to her school and they won't want to lose her.

If you do move her to a state school, check the school out very carefully - many are finding it hard to attract science and maths teachers.

My nephew had similar with his German teacher who was only there for first term of Year 2
12. Then the post was advertised but no one applied. He had to try to work from the text book with various supply teachers and he said only one of them could speak any German at all. He used YouTube and my sister got him a tutor in Year 13. He got a B in the end but he's certain he would have got an A if he'd been taught the specification.

If your daughter is good enough to get the grades she needs, she'll get them at the state sixth form, without needing to be spoon fed at a private school.

Don't write off state 6th forms, the one in my town ranks the highest in the West Midlands and it's just a no frills 6th form college.
However, do consider the impact uni will have on finances. Perhaps a breather at state school would help you get back on your feet a bit?
Completely understand she may not wish to move but do explore all options to make an informed decision.

Your daughter sounds like a fantastic hard working teenager with a clear goal in mind. I would di what it takes to help her. Start by discussing the bursary/scholarship, then considering the option of carrying on working hard. It’s just 2 years.

Our DS went to private school for secondary but we couldn’t afford sixth form. He was gutted but it actually was the making of him. He was able to work part time, find new friends and learn about realities of life.

Don't forget, the private school results can be heavily biased - they don’t necessarily let those who they think will fail, take the exams.

Dont feel guilty about pulling them out. They’ll achieve anywhere if they want to

I would

Apply for the bursary explaining you cannot liquidate because of your Dad

If you get it, great. If you don’t, liquidate the extra bit you need. He doesn’t need to know, though it ISN’T his business - once you’ve gifted something it isn’t yours.

I’m assuming here there really aren’t good state options that you could augment with tutoring.

Look at the places people go abroad to study if they don’t get the grades, as a back up. Romania is big for vet science..

That is so shit. Your nephew did so well to get that grade - especially without an appropriate teacher.
I studied German to degree level and knew that getting modern languages teachers was a challenge these days but not to this extent.
My understanding is that science (especially physics), languages (especially German) and maths are facing particularly acute challenges in terms of recruitment. That's why it's so important to pick a really good sixth form - and understand who'll be teaching your kids - if applying for these subjects. The very academic, high performing, state sixth forms in any area will be just as able to recruit the best talent as a top independent school.

With the grades she's been getting, she HAS been putting the effort in.
Just attending school doesn't get you all 8s and 9s.

I totally agree with this! Apply for the bursary, because they are surely not expecting you to have to remortgage your only home in order to afford school fees.

Fuck that. Remortgage and don't tell your dad. It's none of his business and you are not a child. You are allowed to make your own decisions.

You are overthinking this. They mean assets like stocks or second homes with a rental income, not your primary residence. Presuming your school has charitable status- they are looking for evidence of need- tell them what you have said in this post, and include information about why your child would like to stay

I honestly can't thank you all enough for your replies. This has really made me think about stuff I hadnt before.
For a bit of context, she'll have had 5 years being heavily involved in team sport at the school and a very secure friendship network which has helped her shine. She's very keen to continue this. However, we will look again at the state colleges, and you made some excellent points about dentistry at uni, though she's looking to stay home for uni if she gets in, as it's one of the better ones for BDS and she plays sport for 2 local teams at high level and wants to maintain this also . But of course, could all change again.
We are all very close to my Dad (lots of reasons why especially so); he's not as controlling as I made him sound, but yes, its it's DP & I alone that shoukd be making the decisions and I definately feel we have more information from your replies to look into this and make a better call on it.