Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

I'd probably just continue working like a dog for another 2 years. How old are you? Is it do-able?

Why are you letting your dad have a say in your financial affairs?

Does your dad have to agree to the remo? Is it partly his house or something?

If not, ignore him and crack on. Your mum might have had something in mind when she died, but circumstances change. She wouldn’t have wanted you to be unhappy, and she would have wanted the best education for your DD.

I don’t understand why you’re asking your dad? Does he own the house?

Personally, I wouldn’t have incurred debt to educate my kids, so I wouldn’t advise someone else to do it either. But you’re many years in to this school, so I don’t know how badly it would affect your DD to have to leave now.

I don't understand who owns the house. Are you asking your dad to remortgage his house? If so, yabvvu. If it's your house, then it isn't your dad's business and it's up to you whether you want to take that risk.

If you can't afford to pay the fees, your dd can go to a state sixth form. Plenty of kids from the state sector get top grades and go on to do medicine, dentistry etc. Your dd will just need to be self motivated enough to get there.

@Anjea Because he forwarded the money to pay our mortgage off. My mum left it all to him, he said she wanted all loads paid off first.

YABU in your views of state sixth form - have you considered that most of the local kids who will get AAA are at your daughters school hence making the local schools look worse. Loads of people got straight As at my 6th from college. It’s not the standard of teaching at state 6th form it’s the fact that they’re more inclusive.

However, have you considered alternative financing- like would a standard 15k personal loan take some of the pressure off? Pay it back over 5 years or something.

If it's your house it's up to you whether you remortgage or not ? Surely your dad would never know ? My parents don't know the details of our loans / mortgage/ income

@Zoomerang This is my feeling. However, I do love my Dad very much and don't want to go against his or mums' wishes.

You’re mortgage free?

so you’d take out a small mortgage to pay for the last bit of your dds education?

id do what I wanted and I fail to see why your dad needs to know or is quite so involved?

I would send DD to state sixth form. If she's good enough she'll get the grades, time for her to put some hard effort in rather than you.

I don’t understand why your Dad gets a say, that’s really weird. I wouldn’t be mortgaging the house though. If she’s a hard worker and self motivated she’ll do great at the sixth form college. The increased independence before uni isn’t a bad thing either. Some might even say that going to get a state sixth form makes her more likely to get into a top university, although I personally think it’s nonsense, it’s a well known tactic!

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves My dad has said this too. Part of the reason he thinks we shouldn't incur debt

Of course she can get 3 x A by attending a state sixth form. Has she been to visit and attended an open evening? Dentistry is incredibly competitive so you need to be realistic anyway.
2 things you can do is follow the medicine threads in Higher Education section of MN to see the realities of a dentistry career and the high cost of higher education.
Join the Facebook group WIWIKAU.
You can explain to her that if you save money over her sixth form years it will help pay for a tutor if needed and give her savings towards her maintenance costs at uni.

I think by liquidating assets they mean second homes really and any other financial assets not remortgaging your only home.

It is not up to your dad though, if the house is yours. Bear in mind the money would be a "gift" and liable to iht were he to die within 7 years,

I don’t understand how he would even need to know if you remortgaged or not? Why are you asking him if it is your house?

@Islam52 It was only in the last year daughter wanted to stay, school have done a lot to convince her in lieu of her grades .

If your Mum was alive, do you think she would be happy her money was spent on education?

How much extra do you actually need?

OK, so it's your house and your dad used inheritance from your mum to pay off your previous mortgage?

That was very nice of him, but it was presumably a choice that he made, and he didn't put any conditions on it when he gave you the money? As far as I'm concerned, it isn't actually any of his business whether you remortgage again, and I'm not sure that he would even need to know about it?

Whether or not it's wise to do that is another question altogether. Personally, I think it would probably be a waste of money, but that's for you and your DP to decide, not your dad. I'm not really sure why your dp thinks it isn't his decision. Is the house yours and not owned jointly?

How will you feel if you remortgage and your dd fails to get her 3 As and/or doesn't get into dentistry?

@tealandteal Fair point. I might be overthinking it because I don't like keeping things from him.

How far afield have you looked for state sixth form education- is there really no state school anywhere within reach (including 6th form colleges) where no pupil has got 3 A’s in maths/sciences? Many state schools have gifted and talented or more able student provision - that is aimed at the minority targeting top grades and you should be able to talk to the head of sixth form and the Able Coordinator for the school or college to get a sense of how they support able students. For science, state education facilities (labs etc) could be a problem so that’s worth looking into.

overall though, wouldn’t you be better off ferrying her further afield to state school and getting her some tutoring support? Also look at some universities to see what they say - I think quite a lot of them offer online top up study sessions and summer study groups that can help able state school pupils.

Your dc has learned good study habits - getting 8 9’s isn’t just good teaching - and A levels is about independent study and hard work. Reading and studying around the subject outside of class can really help. And also she needs is a really small peer set to spark off, and her A level classes will work out well. She doesn’t need a sixth form where everyone is aiming for straight A’s - as long as the sixth form teachers have some clue how to keep a class working to its best potential.

I don't want to cause more stress, but when she's studying for a hard degree (long hours & unable to work p/t) she'll also need a parental contribution (see Martin Lewis Money saver online).
It's not just this 2 years you need to consider.

Thanks for the replies. Loads of really good advice.

I've got to go back in work after lunch and will read more when I finish tonight!