Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

While it's true your dad is majorly overstepping by meddling in your finances, the responses saying you should remortgage are ridiculous. You can't afford private school and you need to stop killing yourselves to live above your means. Your daughter is clearly motivated and she will do fine at state school.

don't like keeping things from him.
he's your dad not your husband.

But another aspect (sorry) is that fees will go up- Labour would like to abolish VAT relief- so your school fees could rise by up to 20% if the school passes the whole cost on...

Two full time working adults and no mortgage ...I'm struggling to see how you can't afford the fees?

Apply for the bursary.
Remortgage and keep quiet.
Tell your do to get a second job too.

Or just apply for the bursary.

If they say why can't you liquidate assets, just state you haven't got any to liquidate.

Your Dad is practically making out he owns the house, and he forbids you to re-mortgage, so you technically aren't able to liquidate.

Yes, I'm quite capable of checking, thanks, but I was more interested in understanding what you were trying to say rather than Bristol's criteria.

However, your statements were so inconsistent that I did actually check what Bristol's requirements were. The "aspiring schools" are, according to the University's website, selected because of "low average attainment and progression to higher education statistics". So while you may not feel that your dd's school is "poorly performing" (and it may not be in many ways), it isn't doing particularly well according to the measures that the University is using. Having looked at the schools that are on the list from my local area, they are exactly the ones that I would expect to see on a list of schools where kids might need a bit of an extra leg up.

Perhaps your dd's school is only on there because of a blip in the data last year. However, it really isn't the case that the average kid in any state school is going to qualify for a contextual offer.. there usually has to be some other measure of disadvantage and/or they have to be attending a school that is - at least on some measure - underperforming.

I would apply for the bursery. Your family home is not an asset you can liquidise, its your home.

A mortgage isn't the end of the world unless you can't afford to pay it.

I feel so sad that you are working so hard at 2 jobs

Would you actually need a mortgage or could you get a standard loan over 3-5 years to cover it? Then just don’t mention it to df.

Sorry! I feel so sad you are working so hard when there are other ways e.g. mortgage.

It's 2 years which could make all the difference in the world to get results.

I would keep her in the school but I think you have to stop just doing what your dad says tbh x

Re-mortgage and don’t tell your Dad? Surely your Mum wouldn’t want you running yourself into the ground when there is a solution available. The only person who’d be unhappy here is your Dad. Have you tried to explain how difficult life is for you? If it were me I’d put my child’s future and my mental wellbeing first.

Apply for the bursary I reckon. If no luck or you need a top up could you look at a loan?

Apply for the bursary. You haven’t really got funds you can liquidate, as in investments, or 2nd homes. I doubt very much they mean your only home that you live in.

if you don’t get the bursary, you can then look at state 6th form or remortgaging. A gift doesn’t shouldn’t come with conditions.

Genuine question - you're two full time working adults with no mortgage. Are you both on a very low wage? Really struggling to see how two full time working adults with no mortgage/rent can't afford to pay school fees which amount to a pretty normal level of rent/mortgage across most of the UK.

@Starseeking I think OP said her Mum left the money to her Dad, and it was his choice to pay off OP’s mortgage. So technically OP’s Mum didn’t want her to have the money, or she’d have left it to her.

Please don't take this the wrong way @Charliesunnysky10 but have you actually sat down with your DD and had a frank discussion about the financial impact her continuing private education would have on your family, especially yourself?

I say this as a mum to a DD17 myself. They're almost adults at this age and I'm pretty sure she'll have worked out the physical and mental effect this must be having on you, taking on the extra work, selling the car etc. I know she's predicted excellent results and that's amazing but in all honesty we've all seen the threads here on results day when people's worlds have crashed around them when they've not received the results they've needed. That is devastating but couple that with knowing your parents have literally sacrificed everything, including either going behind their own parents wishes or even souring the relationship they have with them and that's a lot of pressure and responsibility on a very young adults shoulders.

Sorry for the negative post but I just wanted to show the other side.

Just adding my tuppence here - my friend and I both went from getting GCSE straight As in an independent school to a state 6th form, and ended up with worse A level results (not terrible just mixed, As,B,C).
I think it was just that we’d been spoon fed and had so much exam practise at the private school… state teaching was different and much more independent work was expected of us.

I would keep her there, re-mortgage and just don’t tell him!

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

However, your statements were so inconsistent

They weren’t if you actually read them.

My initial reply was in response to a PP stating that only ‘poor, underperforming schools’ were considered for contextual offers, which is clearly untrue. Durham and Edinburgh (both MN favourites) criteria are any state school in conjunction with another criteria, such as home postcode or FSM etc.

You then asked about universities where the school attended could be the only criteria required for eligibility for a contextual offer - Bristol is an example.

Having looked at the schools that are on the [Bristol] list from my local area, they are exactly the ones that I would expect to see on a list of schools where kids might need a bit of an extra leg up.

My DC’s school and other local schools on that list are above the local authority and English average for A level attainment and pupils go on to COWI and med / vet med school so it would be interesting to see how Bristol has compiled that list.

If you look closely there are anomalies on that list - Peter Symonds College for instance. Weirdly, that list also includes a school local to me that doesn’t currently have a Sixth Form.

However, it really isn't the case that the average kid in any state school is going to qualify for a contextual offer.

Again, my response was to the PP who claimed that only ‘poor, underperforming’ schools would qualify for contextual offers, when this is clearly untrue.

I'd just remortgage and not tell my dad.

No way would I work a 60 hour week when I could just comfortably remortgage!

That’s a good point. My fairly modest mortgage costs me about £9500 per year, which would go a long way towards covering private school.

The country is crying out for dentists surely somewhere would have her? Private schools are under pressure with cost of living so will be making special efforts to keep pupils on. Quite a few usually leave after GCSE to state six forms. At the moment loans are not covering living expenses for most unis unless you are quite poor so might be better to save your money

My own experience, but you might find it useful OP, I went to a top public school, but decided to go to a state 6th form as I wanted to go into the commercial arts and the private school didn't have a good art provision in comparison.

I was absolutely terrified the first day at 6th form, having come from a very frankly all white, all straight (as far as anyone knew!) all blazer wearing, max 15 in a class environment.

To be honest the 2 years that followed I look upon as the best years of my life, not only was the education and facilities top notch, the wonderful variety of people I was able to mix with, socialise with, and make lifelong friends - just wouldn't have been found in a private school then, maybe more so now.

The teaching was great, I ended up after being in commercial art a teacher myself, so appreciate looking back just how good it was.

I went to a state school and state sixth form and got AAAB.

She's got a great foundation already with her GCSES so there's no reason why she won't get those grades by switching to a state school.

Saving the money that would have been spent on sixth form fees will be much better spent in financial support when she gets to university as science and medical degrees are pretty much a full time hours timetable leaving little time for students to supplement their income with part time work

@mummydoris2006 Not negative at all. It's a really good point. Its getting the balance right between being honest about the situation and not burdening her too much when shes working so hard in these last couple of months before exams.

However, of the 5 state colleges we visited for open day, we applied for 2, and one of them wanted a reference from current school so they'll know she's considering other options.