Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

Get the remortgage and don't tell your dad.

In an ideal world your daughter would change to a state sixth form, be very happy, still get the 3As. etc however as others have said, you can't guarantee this will happen. You will probably have to remortgage to help her through a dentistry degree anyway.

Does your dad have form with being controlling?

Then we’re also in agreement that is not only poor performing state schools that are a qualifier for contextual offers and that for some universities it is ANY state school.

Righto. Good.

Depends on the university, but it's usually the student's individual circumstances that are relevant, rather than the type of school attended.

I'd seriously consider local sixth forms - colleges - do some open evenings see how she feels- but also apply for the bursary.

But ultimately the money is yours - and if you take out a small mortgage or a personal loan if has nothing to do with your Dad at all - and to avoid a view just don't tell him. If your struggling doing two jobs I'm not sure that what your DMum would have wanted either for you.

I would also look at university funding - does vary as to which bit of UK you are but if in England parental contributions can be a fair bit.

I get you. If it was my child I’d want to keep them where they were familiar and wanted to be and I’d also want to respect parental wishes after they’d paid if my mortgage.

could you get a loan? then it isn’t tied to the house so not disrespecting your parents? I’d apply for the bursary and see what happened and then either get a loan or work like a dog - it’s only two more years.

It varies, but it is certainly not restricted to poorly performing schools. Some universities require only that it’s a state school with no restriction on its performance / progression to HE.

This year, my DC’s school, which is not in the least poorly performing, is on Bristol’s list of aspiring schools. Bristol requires only one item on the usual list of criteria (state school, FSM, refugee, caring, home postcode etc) to be eligible for a contextual offer.

Contextual offers are a blunt tool anyway - we live in a POLAR4 q2 postcode for instance, but it covers a large area with a very mixed demographic.

Are you sure that no-one gets AAA (or more) at any of the state 6gh forms within an hours journey of you? Your dd can apply to any state 6th form. There are no catchment areas. Where in the country are you? There are some specialist maths colleges around the country, faith schools, high performing Como 6th forms. High performing state 6th form colleges, grammar schools who recruit new students to 6th form. Is your dd in reach of any of these? You can supplement with tutors if need be.

I would complete the bursary scholarship form and simply say that you are not able to work two jobs anymore and overtime has become sporadic.

They will not expect you to mortgage your home. A bright child like your DD is great advertising for them .. you should go for it. Then depending upon what they offer. (Part or full scholarship) remortgage and don't tell dad !

Remortgage for the amount you need, and just don't tell your Dad. It's not his house, it was your Mum who wanted you to have the money and I expect she'd not want you struggling like this when there is another way.

I would send her to state 6th form, if she's willing to put in the work there is no reason she shouldn't get AAA in a state 6th form.

If your struggling too pay private fees now how will you help her with university? You will have no money left to help her out and she will have to incur all the costs.

Sorry, when you say that Bristol requires only one item on the list to be eligible, you seem to be suggesting that attending a state school is enough to qualify, but I thought we had established that at least another criteria e.g. FSM also needs to be met? Are you saying that this is not the case for Bristol this year?

And I agree that many contextual measures are a blunt tool. It's far from a perfect system.

Sorry maybe I’m just being totally thick but why can’t you take out a regular loan rather than remortgage?

My friend, who is mortgage free, was turned down on her bursary application as they expected her to remortgage the house to fund the school fees.

I went from a small private school to a large (nearly 2000 students) 6th from college. I was in a slightly different situation as my school didn’t have a 6th form so everyone was moving but the 6th form was brilliant for me. It was a great opportunity not to be a big fish in a small pond, develop individual study skills and meant that university was much less of a jump (I actually think I’d have struggled with university without it). I got the grades I needed for medical school and many of my friends went to ‘prestigious’ universities as well as other routes (the benefit of so many students was that they were really clued up on admissions processes etc and had special talks for medical school, dental school, oxbridge, art/drama school etc - very rare to have a course/university/vocational route that nobody had ever gone to before!). I’ve just looked up my own college and it’s now performing better than local private schools. I wouldn’t assume that moving will mean she will automatically miss her grades - if she’s aiming for something competitive like dentistry she should theoretically be able to get the grades anywhere (and the sooner you develop self study skills the better).

That said, you know your daughter best. I needed the push out of my comfort zone and although it was intimidating at first I was able to adapt and it made me more confident. I can see that others would struggle with that and that would make keeping up with the academics harder. What are her friends doing? Some people I knew from school went to the same 6th form which helped with settling in.

Is there an option of a bursary at her current school if she’s high performing?

How much are you talking?

Taking a small morgage over 20 years isn’t the end of the world and I’m sure your DD will do well there.

You may then cut down on the jobs because your finances will reflect on her loans etc for university.

Youllnwork less and gain more

Mortgaging the house you live in isn't 'liquidating an asset', it's a secured loan (eg debt!). I think they mean assets like a 2nd home, or money kept in investments and stocks that you could use if you sold them.

I am in the minority. If my dad paid off the mortgage for us ( especially using funds from mum who died), there’s no way I would remortgage. Securing debt against a house you currently own outright is madness. If your dad had wanted the money to be used on school fees, he’d have given it to you for that purpose. Sixth form isn’t like yr 7-11. All the teens studying A levels at state sixth form actually want to be there for a start. A teen capable of three As should be able to achieve them anywhere.

No, I said that Bristol specifically had a list of “aspiring schools” as one of its criteria and that to be eligible for a contextual
offer this year you only had to meet one of the criteria on that list. I also said that my DC’s state school is on that list this year and that it is not a “poorly performing school”.

You can quite easily check the contextual offer eligibility for Bristol yourself?

I would remortgage. I wouldn't even blink. You can do as you wish with a gift and I'm astounded that a grandparent wouldn't want their grandchild to have every opportunity in life - esp as she is already at the private school.

Op a dental degree is going to cost too. Even if she gets loans you need to contribute maintenance and top up for however many years it is. Make sure you factor that in with your decisions.

OP - perhaps think about why your mum wanted you to have the money, was it so you would be “set up” and not struggling for money? If so, then surely by using the money to pay for your dds school, the big expense you have now, you are doing something that will mean you don’t have to struggle more than not having a mortgage for the next 10 years. it sounds like having a mortgage wouldn’t be a struggle but not having a mortgage and using wages for school costs would mean you are struggling.

My son was at state sixth form and achieved As in maths and sciences. Lots of students achieved straight As. Also, top universities often give reduced offers to state school pupils which sometimes gives them the edge if they work hard.

Isn't dentistry a 5 year course?

I'd be thinking far more about how you're going to fund her through uni.
You'd be mad (imho) to tie yourself up in knots now for an education you can get for free when the next 5 years are going to cost you ££££££

Apply for bursary - you might get it. No school expects you to liquidate the home you live in.

Your thread is going to get filled up with state vs private arguments.

But that’s not really the point.

It’s not up to your dad to make financial decisions for YOUR family. That’s a decision for you and your DH only.