Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

Look at the whole range of schools.

At sixth form level there is usually a range of provision and if you and your DD do take the decision to go private it should be a fully informed one.

You don't have to tell your dad if you remortgage. However, uni is not cheap. How are you/her planning to pay for that?

If you decide not to remortgage there are personal unsecured loans out there.

It's none of your dad's business what YOU and your dp do with YOUR mortgage free house, that's absurd!

Whilst I'm not a fan of extending yourself financially more than you can afford, it makes complete sense to finance the last 2 years by way of taking an advance against the house.

Just wait until you have to fill in university finance paperwork and they start asking questions about income/assets, is your dad going to cough up then?

Have you got some money set aside to fund her through the uni years? You'll likely have to pay a fair chunk towards it unless she lives at home.
I'd risk the state school, support her with tutors, etc if needed and keep some for uni years.

If state school really isn't an option, then apply for bursary & see how much that will fund. Then take a small mortgage to cover her school (& uni?) costs & don't tell your dad.

I'm reminded of a phrase I heard once when discussing an inheritance - gifts are given with ribbons not strings....

I'm in exactly the same situation, although I've assumed all along that DS would stay for 6th form and have most of it saved. (minus any extra 20% Labour spite tax).

My answer is no holidays, no evenings out, no memberships/subscriptions, cut back on the more expensive foods (but make sure DS doesn't notice the difference).

It's only two years and I'll manage, just to get him through A'levels. Ds is on track for engineering at Cambridge and he's nearly there. If it all gets too much, I will raid my pension fund. I'm not letting him down now. 😀

I think you need to think long term about this, your increased income could bite you on the arse when it comes to your "parental contribution" to your DD's living costs whilst at uni. If as a household you earn over £62k ish then your DD only gets minimum loan and you are expected to fund the rest. For us that is £5k per year.

Look, if she is already achieving high grades why on earth do you think she will drop grades going to a state sixth form? Ds1's state sixth form only requires 5 x grade 4 for entry, he still came out with 4 A stars because he had mainly 9s at GCSE. As an average the college grades are C+.

If students come in on 8s and 9s then they have proven that they are capable and usually have good study habits. Stop working 60 hours to fund this madness of sixth form. You cannot afford it and are going into debt to fund it.

It is also none of your Dad's business how you spend your money and weird that he knows all the ins and outs of it.

I don't think it's any of your df's business.

In the end, you will pay for the extra, whether that is through a loan or a mortgage or raiding your pension or whatever. The form the debt takes varies only in terms of how much interest you pay.

Your dad needs to take a step back. It is your decision how you support your daughter. Not his.

Seriously, you’re an adult, you don’t need to tell your dad anything about having a mortgage. Money from your mum doesn’t mean he gets to control what you do, regardless of these ‘wishes’. It’s manipulative.

Things change, your daughter would like to stay at her school, if you would like to do that for her, then it’s only for you and your husband to decide how you finance it.

Plenty of kids get top grade A levels at state schools and sixth form colleges, if she’s academic and hard working, she’ll do well wherever she goes. I wouldn’t let the school make you feel she needs to stay to achieve well.

If she wants to stay because of friendships as much as anything else, I’d do whatever to keep her there. Friendship issues can really impact their study and she may struggle to settle somewhere new.

I don't understand this logic tbh. Would you actually raid your pension pot to pay for private school fees? I feel like failing to make adequate provision for my old age would be letting dd down far more than not paying for private school. Surely if your ds is on track to do engineering at Cambridge, he is bright enough to do well wherever he goes?!

It's a bit sad that parents seem to assume that their dc are only capable of doing well if they fork out for school fees that they can't really afford. Do you not have faith in your dc's own ability and work ethic?

I don't think liquidate assets would need to include the family home if it's a modest size. I would apply for a bursary and just list any other assets (jewellery, cars, stocks and shares, other properties etc). Presumably you only have cars and need them for work etc.

I'd apply for the bursary but apply to state school as a backup. If she gets a full or partial bursary excellent. It will help. I think they will be inclined to offer it if they anticipate such high results because good results make them look good. If you don't get the bursary then send her to state school and get tutors.

I'd save remortgaging as an option for university fees/ costs.

No caring decent grandmother (or grandfather!) Should/would want their GCs education thrown into disarray over what is essentially a bit of money shuffling....

I can't even believe what nonsense this is... Or that you are even entertaining it....

No WAY would I remove your DD now.

Ignore your dad it's absolutely NONE of his business....
Take out a small mortgage or a 0% interest credit card.

Have you looked properly at how high achievers do in the local state schools?

I'm not sure I'd want my children to have the burden of both parents working so very very hard for me, to be honest.

But I'm not sure your father should be in control of your finances like what.

It's all fine and we'll folk saying it's nothing to do with your Dad but if he feel strongly that you are using his money for something other than the reason it was gifted then that can put a strain on your relationship. You are the one to live with that in real life.

If your daughter is as smart as she seems to be she'll have no bother getting As in A level at the local college. You could always supplement that with private tutors. Going to the local school will enhance her people skills and ability to relate to, communicate with and understand people from all walks of life. This is also valuable education.

If she's clever enough and wants to work no reason not to get AAA at the local sixth form. Plenty of my friends' kids are doing Veterinary Science, Doctors, Engineering, and Architecture at Russell Group or Oxbridge - none went to private school. if your daughter is motivated no reason not to succeed.

Its just as much about her motivation and ability as the school

Remortgage. Just don’t tell him, or your DD.

It's really weird that your dad doesn't want you to have a mortgage. You are killing yourselves just to keep his face straight.

There's no way my mum would want me working myself to the bone to pay for something when I could release an asset- even if she gave it to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with state 6th form but your dd is already at an independent so I'd want her to stay there. Don't tell your dad. How would he know?

If your DD is capable of 3 As then she should be able to do that regardless of whether it’s state or independent school.

If she isn’t capable of 3 As at state school, how will she cope with the demands of a dentistry course?

Does she have a plan B, given that there are around 15 applications for every place?

Can you fund a 5 year course on top of funding independent sixth form?

It's all fine and we'll folk saying it's nothing to do with your Dad but if he feel strongly that you are using his money for something other than the reason it was gifted then that can put a strain on your relationship.

‘Feeling strongly’ to the point of it putting a strain on the relationship, is just an excuse to be controlling. It’s fine to express wishes, but ultimately the dad needs to back off and leave OP to make her own decisions.

Of course her private school wants her to stay. They want the £££. Private school kids often change for 6th form and it’s a tough competition to keep them.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

When I retire (in two years) ds will head off to uni. At that point I will downsize and return the money to my pension pot. Or I could add the fees to the mortgage now, and pay more interest. Or take a personal loan and pay yet more interest. I've most of it saved anyway so I am at less of a stretch than the OP.

Why would I disrupt a teenager who is settled, happy and working brilliantly, in the middle of his exam years? And there is no local state provision for someone who wants to do maths, further maths, physics, & DT A'levels. (Covered in a different thread). Nor any school transport. So it's really not that simple. We would have to move house, and paying fees is less than paying stamp duty.

If she’s bright enough, she’ll get the grades anyway. If she’s not, maybe that’s not the career for her.

Maybe you could supplement state sixth form with tutoring if necessary.

I don’t really see the point of exhausting yourself to oblivion. What happens if you do that and she doesn’t get the grades?

Does your dad actually own a share of your house? If not then it's none of his business what you do with your assets. If he does then you can honestly answer that you can't liquidate your assets because they are co-owned by someone who fiercely opposes private education and will block any such transaction. Otherwise you just go ahead and arrange your finances as you wish and grey-rock your dad. He has no right to know your personal financial decisions.

It's not true that she would have a better chance at uni from a state school. Contextual offers only apply for the really low-ranking badly performing schools. Dc who tKe gcses at an indie then move to state fot 6th form do not get special consideration.

If you take out an offset mortgage you can keep the extracted capital in the linked savings account so that you just draw out the shortfall between your earnings and the fees each twrm so interest will be minimal, and once you aren't paying fees any more it will be fairly swift and easy to pay it off again.