Struggling to pay for 6th form

[Charliesunnysky10]

DP & I both attended local state schools and had a tough time getting an education, so when our daughter wanted to go to an independent school for secondary (yrs 7-11), we made arrangements to set aside enough to fund the 5 years. My Dad wasn't too happy and said that the house was not to be mortgaged to pay fees (my mum sadly died 4 years earlier and left us enough to pay off the mortgage). However, there was regular overtime available at DP's work so we managed okay. We hadn't factored in the cost of living increase and I took a 2nd job for the evenings and weekends to ensure we could cover this last year (11).

However, daughter had said she would attend a state sixth form, but has in the last year become desperate to stay at the independent school (she wants to be a dentist and needs AAA which is regularly achieved at her current school's 6th form, but nowhere else locally). On the plus side, she got good mock results (8 x grade 9's and 3 x grade 8's) and when she had the post mock chat about sixth form with school they said they were very keen to keep her for A levels.

However, I'm honestly dead, working a 60 hour week, DP's overtime is sporadic and we can't meet the fees for another 2 years (I sold my car, and walk to both jobs). I've asked my dad again if we could remortgage but he is completely against this and says Mum mum didn't leave me the money for this. He said she has a better chance of getting into Uni going to a state school anyway. I just doubt she'd get the AAA - he says what will be will be.

I spoke with school and they said there is a bursary available and daughter's grades would stand her in good stead. However, reading the application form I'm asked why I can't liquidate assets and I think this is a weak reason. I wouldn't want to go against Mum's wishes but I do feel this is more Dad's take on the situation.

I really don't know what to do, and DP says it's not his parents or money so can't comment, but if it makes me feel any better, he says he's also torn between just applying for bursary and risk them thinking we are unreasonable, and remortgaging, but working like mad for another 2 years to pay it back ASAP.

What would you do?

Someone may have already said this, but instead of getting a re-mortgage, why not get a loan instead? That way you are still getting the money, still paying it back over however many years, but technically you honoured your dad’s (and mum’s) wishes!

I wouldn’t consider sending her to the independent 6th form if it meant paying full fees. Working until you make yourself ill is not worth it in my opinion, especially when you said right from the start that it would only be from years 7-11- it would be different if she had been expecting to stay for sixth form. I also don’t think it’s right (personally) to remortgage the house when your dad gifted you money specifically to pay it off and didn’t want it used for pay for private education. However, I appreciate that’s more of a moral dilemma.

Will any of her friends be leaving to go to other places for sixth form? It’s fairly common around here, but then we have some excellent state options.

Most dentistry students are private educated.

It's not about how bright and self-motivated the DD is and she certainly doesn't have to prove she can make it in the state sector to take up a Dentistry place. It is much more about the disconnect of switching from a school environment in which she is secure and thriving to a completely new set up at a critical point in her education when there will also be a lot of extra pressure associated with a Dentistry application. That's the crux of it.

OP I would just speak to the bursar and be open about your finances and how much pressure you are under and how you are exhausting all your options (selling car, extra jobs etc.). They will surely see it for what it is - a genuine case. I would hazard that it is irrelevant whether you are mortgaged or not as you can demonstrate how you are struggling to keep the wheels on without a mortgage. Wishing you well.

Where did you get your figures please? For Medicine and Dentistry together it is 28.5% are privately educated. Overall approx. 20% of sixth form students are in private schools.

If school are keen to keep her there, then they should offer the scholarship.

Send her to the state school and use the extra money to get her a tutor for her weakest subject.

Without trying to sound harsh, if she’s capable of AAA she should get it anywhere, and if not, then she will struggle with the course.

My daughter is currently doing Dentistry as are 2 of her friends, all did all their schooling in local state comprehensive. Don’t bother with 4 A levels - that’s daft as totally unneeded. Do do an EPQ - it’s something to talk about at interview and demonstrates self directed learning. Get her to do some work experience at a dentists to put on her personal statement. Practice the UKCAT tests. Getting one interview and if you’re lucky an offer is normal - don’t bank in her getting into your local Uni so she can live at home. Competition is fierce. Consider a biomed course as a backup where a v small number can apply for dentistry during their first year of the course (again fiercely competitive but worked for a friend) eg Newcastle. Good luck.

@BotanicalGreen Thank you – that gives such a good insight. One of the ways the school sold themselves during the 'little chat' they had with her was that they know her inside out and can give her the best possible chance of AAA. They also arranged 1 to 1’s with Alumni who are recently qualified for her to ask questions. My concern with the talk was that they were filling her head with positives without knowing for sure we had funds to finance her another 2 years.

I probably made that sound like she chose the independent for Y7 – it was more that we suggested it and included it in the options after we’d done the sums, and seen it was just possible. We all agreed it was the best by a mile. So a joint decision.

She has worked part time for the past 2 years – filing for the company I work for, volunterering at a zero waste shop, and for the past year does weekends and school holidays at a council owned park café. She only knows of 2 other girls who work in her year group, but that’s not to day there aren’t more.

@Tinysoxxx and @Scoooobydooo Yes she will likely drop one of the A levels during Y12. And i understand they encourage EPQ also - thank you for your great advice on this too

I’ve emailed the bursar to ask if our house and car are included under assets available for liquidation too.

@RedHelenB "Most dentistry students are private educated."

No, they aren't.

@GreyWednesday only 1 friend is leaving. They live an hour away from us and will be going to a college even further away.

Hi! I used to work in the bursar at a private school so some suggestions that may help:

Ask if there's any scholarships available?

Ask if there's any external scholarships or funding options. In our local area there was various funds that gave grants to students. The one near us was called Ewelme, but there are so many more. These tend to be financial based plus need a school reference. Even if they don't know any, do lots of research and try and find local rotary clubs, organisations near you. There are extra means of funding out there.

Appeal directly to the head, explain your situation over the years. Be fully transparent about your struggles. Ask if there's anything additional they could provide. They may say no but there's no harm asking! Our school was fairly ordinary but we had random generous individuals/benefactors who would sometimes step in to help families privately in situations like this.

Sorry it may be said elsewhere but are there any other private schools nearby you could apply for a bursary place at? Boarding options could give country wide opportunities (you may not want this though understandably!!).

Also from my experience, you wouldn't be expected to sell your primary home to fund fees.

Anyway hope this helps a bit and good luck :)

I'm not sure why people think pupils at independent schools are handheld and only get good results because they are spoon fed. Ds went to a public school as a day boy, achieved 4 A*s because he worked hard and at the end of his first year of university received a prize of £250 for getting the best results in his year on his course (aeronautical engineering) so he definitely didn't struggle!

Also when I say scholarships, I mean perhaps an academic or sports one for your daughter. These tend to be performance based compared to bursaries which are based on the family financial situation!

Definitely 1000% apply for bursary! They don't expect people to remortgage their homes!

My best friend went to private school, then state 6th form, where we met. She had been taught a lot of exam techniques and was fully prepared for exams. We literally were taught the syllabus and did a mock. There was no exam techniques or prep taught at state schools. They don't have the time to do so. The difference is - teaching the content and skills to pass the exams Vs just content.
If the child is as academically gifted as OP says, then it shouldn't matter where they go to study. Also, they can't afford to continue paying. So state school for 6th is the best option.

I attended an open day at Manchester uni and they said they don’t take anything into account like the unpaid experience you’re talking about because it’s mainly arranged for privileged kids by Mummy and Daddy’s friends. Was very refreshing to hear.

@Ee872100 "There was no exam techniques or prep taught at state schools. "

That's certainly not my experience.

Dd1 did medicine and only worked during her first summer vacation. She did odd days the following year. Unfortunately we were unable to help her out financially but at the time she qualified for a maintenance grant (not available now) and as she was at Cambridge she also got an extra £3/4000 a year grant and subsidised housing. She is in her early 30s now and I believe she has paid back her student loan.

@Charliesunnysky10 could you just say you’ve run out of inheritance money as you’d only planned it to last for Y7-11. That’s not a lie.

Yet my Dds each got over 95% in a particularly well taught and practised subject at A Level both in the last 5 years but they were at a state school?!?

If your daughter would struggle to get AAA at state school she might want to reconsider dentistry!

This is unfair to the OP's DD. If she struggled, it seems that it could be much more to do with the transition and possible disconnect (possibly more social) than her innate academic ability by the sounds of things. She may well get 3 A stars in a state school. Who knows? The bigger question is whether that gamble is worth it at such a crucial point. There is no reason whatsoever why she should not be considering Dentistry if she stays at her private school. The 28.5% who come from the private sector to Medicine and Dentistry seem to cope just fine. Disclaimer - my own DC at Medical School were state educated but so what.

It was higher than that on my d'cs course.

Okay. In my experience the state school i went to did not teach exam techniques and exam preparation to the extent that my BFs private school did. We had basic prep on the content of the exam and a mock test.