Help finding a school which promotes excellence.

[hermani]

DW and I are starting our research on schools. We have not conceived yet but are planning on it and would like to get informed as much as possible since this affects our choice of neighbourhoods, etc.

We have agreed on a handful of characteristics that we think are important for our future-DCs schools:

1. An excellent class environment that provides a safe and nurturing environment for students. We want a setting that promotes intellectual curiosity and that encourages students to excel academically.
2. Well-behaved children who are reasonably respectful of teachers and not disruptive. Want to avoid situations where students talk back to teachers or are hostile to academically-minded peers. Would like a student body that enables teachers to produce excellent outcomes.
3. Low levels of bullying and prompt and effective response by the school whenever bullying occurs.
4. Parents who value education and promote a good environment for their children at home. Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively.
5. Parents who aim to eventually see their DCs attend top unis and to succeed thereafter.

We are now in the process of identifying schools that reach these ideals. However, we do not know where to start. Would appreciate any recommendations of schools that you think would be a good fit or advice on how to find such schools.

In which part of the UK will you be looking for a school?

Are you considering fee-paying schools as well as state schools?

I would hold your horses and wait until you actually have DC! You need to know your DC and find the school that best fits THEM and their needs.
Also 🤣🤣🤣 for your list of wants

We will be in London. We are open to fee-paying schools. Ideally would like a list of state and fee-paying schools.

For your must have list, you 100% need a private school. You also need to make a clever kid to make it an academic fee paying school. No pressure!

I agree with the PP who said you need to wait and see what your DC is like. They might not be academic, they might be quite rumbustious, they might be musical or sporty or extremely shy and quiet.

I take your point about waiting. However, we would prefer to have a good idea now so we know what is available. Of course, we will adjust based on the DC. We tend to plan ahead and adjust later.

Re the list of wants, do you think what we are looking for is extraordinary? We thought this would be a pretty standard set of things to look for.

With respect, wouldn’t we all like that for our child?! You haven’t got a chance of hitting all those criteria in a state school, your best bet is private but even then you may not be fully satisfied. Aiming high is great but you also need to be realistic about what schools actually are - you are looking for some sort of educational utopia. Agree with PPs, have a child first, take time to understand their personality and needs (including any SEN) and then work out what’s right for them.

Not sure you'll get that list and 'nurturing.'

You have pretty much asked for the impossible and you will definitely need to target private schools there.

Just hope that your future children are all super bright, neurotypical conformists with no SpLds if you want a chance at a place though.

That list sounds like an AI generated text in the style of an Ofsted report 😁. Sorry, not helpful OP, but in the kindest manner possible, you are asking for perfection from an imperfect world.

@hermani what you are taking about will only happen in the hot housing grammars/private schools which aren't always the best options for a child's mental health.
Your list is completely parent-centric ie your ambitions for children who don't even exist yet. You haven't listed anything about sports/arts/music or pastoral elements. You don't know whether your children will have SEN/be NT or a more practical/hands on person.

That's fair. We would be open to pay fees. But so I understand, which of the criteria I listed is most likely to me unmet in a state school?

https://reports.ofsted.gov.uk/

https://www.isi.net/

Did you go to school in this country?

Most private schools would say they hit your list. My kids have been to 3 x privates in London and all were broadly aligned with that list.
However that doesn't mean you don't get issues and it doesn't mean your kids will get in. That's a whole other barrel of fun.
London is also a big place, so unless you are going to move to be near said school then you have to factor in the commute.
If no 4 on the list is really important then just go look at any "top private schools" ranked by outcomes and you'll get your list of schools. As good a place to start as any.

Please try to relax.

I promise you when you go through trying to convince, pregnancy and birth (which I hope you do manage) you'll realise there are far far more important things to worry about than the elite education of a child who isn't even here yet.

I think there ARE state schools like this, actually. But YOUR child might not fit the mould!

Bless you, OP, you are in for quite a ride when you eventually become a parent and discover that children don't necessarily behave according to the plans you have laid... For the sake of your future DC's wellbeing and your family life you might want to lighten up a little. Pick a nice area with good schools with decent exam results - the rest will be determined by you and your DC (genetics, personality, upbringing etc).

@twistyizzy Our point was not to impose any expectations on the child about performance or uni. We instead want to ensure that they are in a place where they will be encouraged to reach their fullest potential and will not face any hindrances along the way. If you read the OP again, I do not list any expectations about what we want from our child in the future. Only what we want from their peers and teachers.

What about happiness? Creativity?

If I had money I'd send them to a full time forest school.

But what happens if that types of school doesn’t fit their personality.

It all sounds superb but if your child isn’t into that sort of environment then it is trying to fit a round peg into a square hole and no matter how much they try to promote excellence your child will fail,

One thing you have to realise about children is what ever you have planned for their school, career, life. They will be and do the opposite.

Have your child first then after a few years you can look with fresh eyes at school
.

The glaring omission from your requirements is that the school values and prioritises mental health and is not prepared to sacrifice that for academics.

Apologies, but this made me laugh!
I think we would all like this for our children...... But not only have these particular children not been born yet, they haven't even been conceived!!

I'm all for planning ahead, but really........

Your list will look weird to anyone with actual kids in school.

You need to be looking at what ticks the boxes for YOUR child when the time comes.

DH and I expected to have a highly academic bookworm of a child who hated sport, played chess, bit quirky and friends don't come easily, and would be aiming for A levels and a top university.

We come from families where university and high results are just the norm. Friends and family would have all bet large sums on us producing a child like the one above.

Instead we ended up with a clever child who has zero interest in anything academic, enjoys sport, loads of friends, severely dyslexic (didn't learn to read till she was 7), ADHD, only really interested in music since she was old enough to tell us this and definitely not planning on doing A levels or university.

We've picked a school that is brilliant for her, but possibly wouldn't have suited the child we expected.

Your best bet is to buy a house somewhere with options - a range of good primary and secondaries both state and private, and with good transport links and access to extra-curricular.

There is ZERO point looking at schools with your list - what happens if the head changes and it's a whole different ethos? What happens if school fees go up so much that the only people still able to afford to go are the uber-wealthy and international students?

If you haven't even conceived yet you have at least 5 years before you need school.
In my part of London in the last 5 years several schools (both private and state) have closed, new ones opened, some have converted to an academy chain or changed academy chain, merged with other schools, gone from being top of the league table to bottom, from being oversubscribed to undersubscribed, changed Head teacher so their teaching methods and styles changed....
You shouldn't pick somewhere to live based on what schools may or may not even exist in 5 years time.

Even if you conceive tomorrow you would have five years before the child starts school. A state school can go from outstanding to inadequate within a year! Many independent schools are closing down due to the cost of living crisis and the government are cutting school funding so much I honestly dread to think what the next few years hold.

Just buy the best place you can afford where you want to live, in catchment of a few good schools. You'll know if a house is in good school catchments as it will be extremely expensive for what it is!

@madamreign We don't see happiness or creativity as being mutually exclusive from what I listed. If approached correctly, one can find plenty of meaning and joy from learning about the world.