Help finding a school which promotes excellence.

[hermani]

DW and I are starting our research on schools. We have not conceived yet but are planning on it and would like to get informed as much as possible since this affects our choice of neighbourhoods, etc.

We have agreed on a handful of characteristics that we think are important for our future-DCs schools:

1. An excellent class environment that provides a safe and nurturing environment for students. We want a setting that promotes intellectual curiosity and that encourages students to excel academically.
2. Well-behaved children who are reasonably respectful of teachers and not disruptive. Want to avoid situations where students talk back to teachers or are hostile to academically-minded peers. Would like a student body that enables teachers to produce excellent outcomes.
3. Low levels of bullying and prompt and effective response by the school whenever bullying occurs.
4. Parents who value education and promote a good environment for their children at home. Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively.
5. Parents who aim to eventually see their DCs attend top unis and to succeed thereafter.

We are now in the process of identifying schools that reach these ideals. However, we do not know where to start. Would appreciate any recommendations of schools that you think would be a good fit or advice on how to find such schools.

Dh is very academic and fully expected any child of his to be academic

Dd was in the bottom set in primary. She went to a private senior school where the fact that she couldn’t spell 3 letter words didn’t matter but her ability in something else was what they were looking for.

Dh pinned all his hopes on ds being academically bright

Ds didn’t read till he was 12. They are both dyslexic and have ADHD. Neither did A levels, neither went to uni, Both do run their own businesses.

Sure, I guess I was thinking less about the OP and more from the perspective of other people reading who might be confused looking for grammar schools close to Highgate!

Yes, good point!

Honestly, you sound like you're inviting tenders for a corporate recruitment contract.

Parenthood isn't like that.

Those peers haven’t been born yet and those teachers probably haven’t left school themselves. It’s impossible to gauge what they are going to be like.

A school can change in an instant if the staffing changes. Either way good or bad. If a school is Outstanding now, doesn't mean it will be in a few years.

What you've described honestly sounds very similar to my school experience, if you're open to single sex schools I'd have a look if there are any GDST schools in your area if you have a daughter.

You haven’t even got pregnant so it’s over 5 , and more like 6yrs till any kid starts school.

you really can’t choose now as a change if head , or the i production of vat on private school fees and everything changes completely. Even if paying vat on fees means nothing to you it does to many parents and some schools will just cease to exist. Other schools will go up and down radically if the leadership changes.

Schools change rapidly. An outstanding school now could be an inadequate school by the time your child is ready for school. It is utterly ridiculous to be planning for schools now. You have no idea what your child's needs will be, where you will be living exactly, whether you will be in catchment or what the school will be like when you are ready to apply. All schools will market themselves to be like your list.

I’d take a bet that Bucks grammars will still be sought after and not inadequate in 11 years! There are places to hedge your bets but you need to access them in the first place or plan private if you don’t.

If you read the OP again, I do not list any expectations about what we want from our child in the future. Only what we want from their peers and teachers.

Oh god. You’re going to be THAT parent aren’t you?

How on earth can you know what your future theoretical child's teachers and peers will be like?

This is madness.

I feel sorry for this poor child that hasn’t even been conceived yet!!

You need to find a school that will make your child happy.
End of Story.

Good luck to your as yet non-existent child. This is completely bonkers.

Lots of people plan private education. It’s not bonkers. They come from that kind of family. It’s more unusual not to know the school but many people plan years ahead, set up trusts and tread a well worn path to the school of their choice.

You’re leaving it a bit late at this stage aren’t you OP? Surely this kind of thing should be researched and agreed well before you even start to try for a baby.

The most important lesson parenting taught me is that you cannot design your children. OP your list of wants is rather lofty. When it comes to schools, it's not one size fits all.

Have a child first and be led by them.

No school in the world would promote themselves as the opposite of your wish list. They all proclaim to strive for the qualities you seek and you most definitely can't choose the other students or parents.

Everyone's a perfect parent until they have kids

Start here @hermani

https://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/education-consultants/amp

Please don't make any assumptions about what will be best for your child. My daughter has sailed through school and now has a diagnosis which means I am wanting to know what support a secondary school can give for her SEN needs, life throws stuff at you when you least expect it.

Just enjoy having a child and everything else that comes with it, take it as it comes.

Sounds like you want an independent school. From my own experience, independent secondary schools bring their own challenges with busy parents, pushiness, children being off-rolled if they aren't going to get good GCSE results and the biggest one being drugs! Parents with money aren't always the most attentive.

Thanks for all the responses. We take the point that what we wish for is not suitable for all children. We have every intention to be mindful of our DC's needs and to adjust our plans accordingly. If anything, this exchange has inspired us to continue with our research and to also extend it to explore the best options for future DC if they had SEN. Ultimately our goal is to be informed about how to provide the best learning environment for our DC under different scenarios. So that when the time comes, we are fully prepared to make the right choices and do not miss out on opportunities because we acted too late.

You are assuming your dc will be well-behaved and need to protecting from all those naughty children with parents not as clever and aspirational as you are.

We live in an area when little kids vape and play out until 9pm in the pitch black.

My ds is 16 and has always attended rough schools by virtue of where we can afford to live. He is clever, well-behaved and is aiming for top grades. His teachers delighted to have him and go the extra mile to help him in any way they can.

He is also able to cope in tough environments and is self-motivated to do well.

He's basically fucking awesome.

Basically, if your kid is smart, he will cope. If you love him and support him, he will thrive.

Yes, for us, a crucial aspect of supporting him is to provide DC with the best learning environment given DC's needs and abilities. We are trying to understand how we can best do that.

The perfect school doesn’t exist. Neither does the perfect child. You need to seriously alter your mindset if you want to be a good parent.