Help finding a school which promotes excellence.

[hermani]

DW and I are starting our research on schools. We have not conceived yet but are planning on it and would like to get informed as much as possible since this affects our choice of neighbourhoods, etc.

We have agreed on a handful of characteristics that we think are important for our future-DCs schools:

1. An excellent class environment that provides a safe and nurturing environment for students. We want a setting that promotes intellectual curiosity and that encourages students to excel academically.
2. Well-behaved children who are reasonably respectful of teachers and not disruptive. Want to avoid situations where students talk back to teachers or are hostile to academically-minded peers. Would like a student body that enables teachers to produce excellent outcomes.
3. Low levels of bullying and prompt and effective response by the school whenever bullying occurs.
4. Parents who value education and promote a good environment for their children at home. Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively.
5. Parents who aim to eventually see their DCs attend top unis and to succeed thereafter.

We are now in the process of identifying schools that reach these ideals. However, we do not know where to start. Would appreciate any recommendations of schools that you think would be a good fit or advice on how to find such schools.

Basically OP you just need to throw money at this to keep the riff raff out. The AI list is of perfectly normal things and therefore totally ridiculous. No one wants their children at an unsafe school where they are not valued etc etc.

@Cigarettesandbooze Hence our post, an attempt to catch up.

@CrapBucket Of course every one wants this. What I did not realize is how difficult it is to find this. It appears you are unlikely to get it outside of selective private schools or grammar schools in a handful of areas.

You need a private school
Best decision we ever made

School? Surely you need to start thinking about the baby room at nursery first?

Weird list - who wouldn't want all that for their kids? But you might need to work on coping mechanisms for when life throws you the curve ball. You can't plan everything (you think the rest of us haven't tried) - and trying to will consume you.

Exactly. This is ultimately about snobbishness that stupidly thinks that children in crap schools are crap. They buy privilege and smugly think they are superior to other people for doing so.

I dread to think what insufferable entitlement this future child is going to learn from its parents… 🙄

I would have been glad if what I am looking for was commonly found in all schools. But this seems to not be the case based on all the comments in this thread.

@Rainsdropskeepfalling I am glad you wanted the same for your child and you tried to plan for it. I am precisely looking for people such as yourself to speak from experience and tell me about how to find such schools.

I really think you need to slow down. Focus first on the first year of your child, enjoying them and parenting them in a way that you have thought through. If you will need child care post mat leave then you can start by looking at that. Take it step by step. Things change so rapidly.

How bizarre - as others have pointed out this is pretty irrelevant until you have an actual child with a personality, preferences, strengths, weaknesses etc. Also schools, not to mention the education system as a whole, can change a lot in 5-10 years.

There’s planning ahead, which I get - I’m a planner. But sometimes you just need to breathe and take things one step at a time.

@LaaDeeDa321 Define good parent.

We are trying to give DC the best shot at developing their social and learning skills so they may lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. We want them to have every opportunity to explore their passions at the highest level given their needs and abilities, from the humanities through to the sciences. We want them to follow their curiosities unhindered. We will not force them to do anything; we instead want to create an environment where they feel encouraged to do this on their own.

Does your definition of good parenting include any of these things? If it doesn't, it may be you who needs to alter your mindset.

@hermani I didn't find these mythical schools.

Our son went to the primary whose catchment area we lived in. There was no after school.club so he had to get in a taxi to go to an after-school club in the neighbouring town - I was one of the few mum's with jobs. We moved, appealed and got him into another school (almost rated poor by Ofsted but at least with an after school club and parents that worked).

We didn't look at private schools. Because we don't live near one and weren't willing to get up at 6am to drive into crazy traffic to get to one or put him on a train at 7am. And having tutored kids from diverse backgrounds at Oxford, I was fairly sure I didn't want my children to go to a private school. Yes his grades would have been better but that's what £100k+ buys you.

Mumsnet is testing a bot on us - this user is AI generated 😂

This is the most wooden post I’ve ever read, as for the strange, robotic writing style, I can see why the OP wants a decent edukayshun for any future spawn/offspring:

*We are trying to give DC the best shot at developing their social and learning skills so they may lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. We want them to have every opportunity to explore their passions at the highest level given their needs and abilities, from the humanities through to the sciences. We want them to follow their curiosities unhindered. We will not force them to do anything; we instead want to create an environment where they feel encouraged to do this on their own.

Does your definition of good parenting include any of these things? If it doesn't, it may be you who needs to alter your mindset.*

Apologies if you are serious @hermani but I can’t believe you are for real.

@hermani if you are serious and this is not a spoof (which I think this must be) you are most definitely not going to a good parent to your child. In fact, you will damage your child. What you want is perfection. You want the school, the teachers, the other pupils to operate in a manner which suits you. That is very controlling. You are very controlling. You can’t possibly want a child. What you want is a thing that reflects everything that you consider to be perfect. No child will be capable of measuring up to your standards. They will ‘fail you’ every day just by being a normal human being. Life is messy and complicated and no amount of planning will prevent this. You have no self-awareness. People are mocking you on here and you aren’t picking up on it. I’m still assuming this is a joke but just in case…

Exactly, it’s a bot - only sentient beings are self aware!

What a dystopian shitshow we live in.

Please add “school where staff have a sense of humour” to your list, because your child is clearly not going to see that modelled at home…

Does your definition of good parenting include any of these things? If it doesn't, it may be you who needs to alter your mindset.

Oh my dear. It kind of did, back in the theoretical days before I had actual real live children and had time to muse on how best to nourish their passions.

It descended rather into arguments about ketchup and playdough and gerbils and who had posted a fishfinger into the video player once they were here.

For what it's worth, we found most of your list in a 'good on paper' South Cambs comprehensive that happened to have some brilliant and dedicated staff in the areas my kids loved.

You would absolutely lose your shit in Scotland OP. We just send our kids to the nearest school down the road, but obvs that's because we want them to have a shit life with no passions at all, let alone ones they've explored at the highest levels.

Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively. I mean, what are you even asking here? For a peer group where nothing bad happens in case it upsets the progress of your yet to be born child? My own DN is having a bad year at school right now and I'm sure isn't always a pleasant person to teach, but that's because her father has died. I would really love it if he hadn't, but he has. So should school expel DN then?

Picking up on it just fine. Not everyone needs to be in agreement.

Of course I want things and people to operate in a way that is suitable for my child. Don't you? Would you rather it be unsuitable? I'm simply exploring how best to do this. And I'm really not asking for much - just that the students be nice to others and engaged in learning, and that the teachers encourage (not force) a culture of excellence.

Mind you none of this involves changing or controlling how people operate, as your post implies. It is ridiculous to think any parent could control how teachers and peers behave. I am trying to find a school that already has students and teachers who operate in that manner.

Anyway it looks like many parents enrol their kids in private and grammar schools precisely for the type of environment I am looking for. Would you say all of them are control freaks and none are fit to have babies?

OP, you sound like you have your finger absolutely on the pulse!
Just a side thought, have you considered Education in Utero?
There are a few London based companies that work individually with the family to secure entry to prestigious schools, often with scholarships.

@WhatapityWapiti did you think I was being serious about us trying to catch up?

You won't get one.

As long as your child is happy, safe, has friends and working to their potential then that's all you can ask for.

You might have to home school.

yes, but what's their track record?

I don't think I have read such ignorant posts as yours OP. You represent (by the way) everything that isn't wanted in a school community. Whether that is state, grammar or private.
I would absolutely hope that I would never have a child in the same class as your future child. Because unless you have the emotional ability to act at least like a normal person, your child will be a pariah. And no, they don't do well at Interviews for medicine or any job interview for that fact.
What do you do?

@bobcat2424 What eactly did you find so ignorant? I listed five points.