Help finding a school which promotes excellence.

[hermani]

DW and I are starting our research on schools. We have not conceived yet but are planning on it and would like to get informed as much as possible since this affects our choice of neighbourhoods, etc.

We have agreed on a handful of characteristics that we think are important for our future-DCs schools:

1. An excellent class environment that provides a safe and nurturing environment for students. We want a setting that promotes intellectual curiosity and that encourages students to excel academically.
2. Well-behaved children who are reasonably respectful of teachers and not disruptive. Want to avoid situations where students talk back to teachers or are hostile to academically-minded peers. Would like a student body that enables teachers to produce excellent outcomes.
3. Low levels of bullying and prompt and effective response by the school whenever bullying occurs.
4. Parents who value education and promote a good environment for their children at home. Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively.
5. Parents who aim to eventually see their DCs attend top unis and to succeed thereafter.

We are now in the process of identifying schools that reach these ideals. However, we do not know where to start. Would appreciate any recommendations of schools that you think would be a good fit or advice on how to find such schools.

Well the DC will be a priority, so we will do a fair bit.

I have no idea where neutering came from

I am not sure how this fits with wanting nurturing.

Want to avoid situations where trouble at home spills over to the school and affects peers negatively.

How do you propose a school stops parents from divorcing, being ill or maybe dying?

Please don't be one of those parents who puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on their kids with ridiculous expectations. They aren't robots. You're not even a parent yet.

Chill the fuck out. You haven't conceived yet and you're already worrying about recipes for corporate success.

A child is not a piece of wood to be moulded, each child is a unique individual who might have a very different outlook to you, not to mention different skills and abilities. Whatever child you have is guaranteed to mess up all your carefully made plans.

Your job as a parent is to make the best of whatever child you're lucky enough to have. That might be a SEN child, or a child who struggles academically but loves physical stuff, or a child who is painfully shy, or just wants to do drama type stuff etc.

You seem to be asking 'how can I guarantee my child grows up to be surrounded by successful affluent people and becomes successful and affluent themselves' - well yes, a fancy area and a fancy school might increase the odds but really you can't be quite so calculating.

Choose a school that suits your child, as and when you have one and the child approaches that age. And prepare for quite a massive shock about the realities of parenting - a child is not a project that you steer.

What if your kid is the disruptive one?

If I had parents this suffocating (in fact, my mum was) I'd rebel.

You sound like a bit of a control freak. Stop putting your imaginary child into a box that doesn't exist.

I'd reconsider if children are right for you if this is how it's going to be.

it's quite rare to get highly academic & very nurturing in one school private or state.

i would also wait to have a dc first

Advice as a parent - children are their own people and not any project for their parents. You need to nurture them and help them find their own path.

This is a bizarre level of pre-planning for children who don't even exist yet. Before they are school-age, your children will be babies. Think about that, first – how will you nurture your baby? Who will your baby become? Take one step at a time. Children are human beings, not projects.

Also London is facing huge drops in rolls so who knows the landscape in 5 yrs time.

You haven't even conceived yet and you already sound like a pushy parent that's only requirement of their child is that they go to a top university.

Calm down. Have a child. Nurture whilst baby and toddler, experience things like the outdoors and let their personality come through, then you pick a school and approach to education.

All these people talking about OP jumping ahead by 5 years- a lot of the factors that s/he mentions only really become acute in secondary school so we’re really talking about jumping the gun by about 10 years.

Not only can things change a lot in the education landscape in that timeframe, what about your own life and that of your wife? Do both of you have careers which will 100% definitely keep you in London from now until your child finishes school? You might end up moving for other reasons, maybe even abroad. I was at an Oxbridge University reunion event recently and most people’s kids were just about to go to University. I can’t think of one person I spoke to who hadn’t moved around the UK and/or the world during their kids’ lives. And you can always move specifically to access a school once you understand better what your child is like and what is out there.

If I were you I’d plan ahead a bit for nursery care, but relax about the years beyond that for now, yes use them to gather intel about options for the future but don’t worry about actually having to act on any of it just yet.

On a serious note, if you want to do your research why not invest in a subscription to the good schools guide? You're just getting an understandable flaming on here! Good luck .. with everything....

If you read the OP again, I do not list any expectations about what we want from our child in the future. Only what we want from their peers and teachers. (My underlining emphasis.)

This is nuts.

That list sums up the aims of Mercia academy, a state secondary school in Sheffield. I've no idea how well it succeeds in its academic aim as the first GCSE cohort only sat their exams this summer, and Sheffield league tables have yet to be published.

It's extremely oversubscribed.

So there is at least 1 state school in the country which fits the criteria, and in 11 years time, when the OP may need to apply for a secondary school for their first born, maybe there will be more.

But this sort of school really does not suit every child, and a child's happiness will have a lot of bearing on how well it does at school.

That is absolutely insane and actually rather snobbish.

Do you have different aims for primary and secondary schools?
Are you actually looking for the academic formal school environment that you describe above for a 5 year old?
I think I'd consider early years first, maybe even waiting to see what kind of DC you have, before planning their entrance to elite universities.

Agreed

OP - chill. Yes do a little research on what different schools there are etc.

You won't get what you are looking for in a state school. It sounds like you are describing a very elite school, which in my mind don't always produce the happiest of children. And will cost huge amounts.

You also have to know that you can't just produce a child who is willing to learn. Some children are born to be creative, inquisitive etc. some just don't sit still and want to do their own thing.

Your expectations in both your not yet conceived child and your not yet found school are way too high. You will undoubtably head for disappointment.

Traditionally 'nice' areas of London tend to have a good selection of schools so I wouldn't necessarily worry about it too much now. We live in North London (Highgate) and there are some good private schools and also some super selective grammars nearby; they are not 'normal' grammars like they have in Bucks or Kent where everyone takes the 11+ and then goes to either the local secondary modern or the local grammar. They are grammar schools with vast 'catchment' areas that attract applicants from miles away so instead of the top 20% getting in (like they did in Bucks when I went to the local grammar) they admit about 1 or 2% of applicants (from memory). There are also some quite good comprehensives, from what i understand, although the intake will naturally be more mixed (not a bad thing in my view but a differentiator vs. the Grammars and the Independent schools).

I think SW London is a good shout too, particularly for state schools.

Depends what you mean by “nearby” though. I live near Highgate and know the schools you are referring to. Queen Elizabeth Barnet is over 7 miles away (min 35 min drive), Latymer school 6.5 miles, similar journey time. Only Henrietta Barnett (girls only) could really be considered close. On the other hand, Highgate Wood comp is walking distance.

True but given the OP isn’t even pregnant yet, narrowing it down to anything other than a broad area seems pretty unrealistic. Also, moving locally (to be closer to a specific school in years to come) might feel like less of an upheaval than moving across london.

Are you looking to move to a part of London with good school choices? If so, a PP has given you a good start of how to do that by extracting the data and working out areas. In general, there's going to be a high correlation between property prices and the type of schools available. Are you religious? That might make a difference too as some faith schools have, eg, much better staff:pupil ratios than state schools. I don't think you're mad to be planning especially if it involves moving areas which is what I think you'd want to do at primary school rather than commuting huge distances. Secondary school is a bit different because there's much more movement across areas.

DD2 had a completely different experience to DD1 with the same teacher in the same school - so much is luck with the cohort. And yes - a new Head or senior team could change a culture completely.