School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

I'm struggling to see why you need to ask? You say NO. Simple as.

Don't send it to oxfam. They use it to pay pimps so they can rape children, and then cover it up.

Send it to a proper charity instead.

I think I’d talk to the school about it.

Sorry cf lady but your email has come to a dm at the school gate not your bank /family member /friendly loan shark..
Regards op.

And this.

People are worried that they haven't got enough jumpers to keep warm this winter and you post your stealth brag OP. Very odd.

Say no otherwise you are responsible for her DCs future education.

Yabu saying No. How mean. All she wants is for little Johnny (LJ) to enjoying the fruits of your labour

hashtagBeKind

It’s NOT a stealth post!!

it is a bored mumsnetter with too much time on her hands

Don't do it. Why is she asking acquaintances for money? Have you checked to see if she has asked others? Sounds like a scam merchant.

Don't give her it. It wouldn't even solve the problem really, just kick it down the road.

We live in a big house and drive nice cars. My son is in private school. There is not a cat in hell's chance I could afford to just lose 4k. It is hard enough covering all of our own expenses. Nobody knows how able to suddenly produce this money you would be. Many people have assets tied up. So do not feel you cannot say you can't afford it.

"I would love to help but I am not in a position to be able to lend you that kind of money". Because you are not! She is not a close friend or family, you cannot trust she will repay and it will make school a difficult experience for you. You are not in a position to tolerate that, who would be? She is cheeky for asking.

I'm laughing even harder now. J.O.K.E

Glad it's a clear message OP.

I too think scam, or at least asking multiple people. Who on earth gets into difficulty one year in!

Say no

There's a reason why she's sworn you to secrecy!

No doubt, she has already touched up other people for money. You are not the only one.

There's a chance she's done this with quite a few people! You need to make the school aware.

It's not your responsibility, and tbf just because you live in a big house doesn't mean you have tons of spare cash. So, "sorry, we are unable to help" should do the trick.

How odd that she didn't contact the school but instead assumed you had lots of disposable income and that a few coffees meant you'd share it with her.

I wouldn't even bother to reply. If she ever chases up or asks you directly I would say 'wait you mean you were serious?'.

Thismis absolutely appaling. I would report this to the school.

If she can't pay this terms fees there is very little chance she will be able to pay next terms.

I would advise her to contact the bursar and see if she could set up a payment plan. She won't be the fist struggling to pay or the last. School bursars are used to these situations.

Don't give her the money. Not your responsibility. You won't get it back. Boy will be fine at local comp like millions pf other kids. Mum has targeted you, presumably because she sees you as being wealthy. You are effectively being conned.

I wouldn’t even bother replying.
If mentioned again I’d laugh and say I thought it was a joke or scam. No one is that dense to think a random person is going to pay for someone else’s private education surely.

I think thisi s absolutely appalling. I woùuld report this to the school. How many other folk has she put in this very awkward position..

I would love to send my child to the nearest private school. It's lovely! But I can't afford it so he, like LOADS of other children will have to go to the local comp. There is no way on earth I would be asking people for money.

This. Send it to the poor buggers in Pakistan.

Who on earth asks another school mam for 4k.

I use to feel awkward enough when a school parent who was going the same way offered us a lift (do I offer to pay towards petrol even though its a 2 minute drive at most? also how, I dont carry cash so do I chase them down and give them a random hand full of change next time I see them?) never mind out right asking people for cash, thats pretty shameless.

Maybe I over think the simple senarios I have been in but 4k doesnt take over thinking its just a proper CF request.

Non.