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Original poster

School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

390 replies

LucillesLooseWheel · 01/09/2022 11:35

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

OP posts:
ChangedNane11 · 01/09/2022 13:10

Tell her to speak to the school. They have bursaries for this type of situation.

ImPickleRickSpartacus · 01/09/2022 13:12

Agree with pp don't say you "can't." That makes it sound like you wish you could but you can't right now so she'll keep trying to wear you down. CFs need a firm "NO."

Sushi7 · 01/09/2022 13:14

@LucillesLooseWheel She's sworn me to secrecy (fair enough!) so I can't ask anyone else.

She has asked multiple people so that’s why she’s asked you to keep quiet. Private school is not essential. If she can’t afford it then her Dc will have to go to a state school. No biggie.

Jamaisy82 · 01/09/2022 13:16

The answer is easy its a no. You hardly know her, even with a close friend I wouldn't lend £4000. It's quite cheeky actually.

chinuptitsoutonwards · 01/09/2022 13:17

Absolutely not. You'll never see the money again.

'I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. Unfortunately, my husband and I do not have that kind of money to loan out. Have you contacted the offices and enquired about bursaries?'

OperaStation · 01/09/2022 13:22

Of course you should say no. But don’t lie and say you can’t afford it. Just say no.

user1471538283 · 01/09/2022 13:23

The thing is if you send your DC to private school you have to be on top of the fees and prepare about how you are going to pay them as long as you can.

She will probably have already approached the school for a payment plan and been refused, approached everyone else and has landed up with you.

Of course you do not loan this enormous sum of money to a stranger. He is her child, she has to sort it out!

eldora · 01/09/2022 13:24

I'm solidly working class and went to a comp that is now an academy, but £4k per term seems to be on the low side of private school fees. If they can't afford that then I can't see them affording next term's fees.

Nottogetapenny · 01/09/2022 13:25

You sound like a lovely lady.
I would definitely not loan her the £4000 she is asking for!
i wouldn’t say you can’t afford this, either but say you and your husband have a policy that you don’t lend or borrow money, as this could cause upset on both sides.

tonystarksrighthand · 01/09/2022 13:26

NO WAY

Westfacing · 01/09/2022 13:27

30 years ago I loaned £1000 to a fellow mum and friend to help with school fees - I never saw the money again. When I wrote and reminded her I never again heard from her and child by then had left the school.

Needless to say, she and her husband owed money to other people, including business associates.

Don't do it!

honeylulu · 01/09/2022 13:28

I'm really glad to see you said no! If she can't afford the fees and can't work out an arrangement with school then he can't stay. If she hasn't got £4k for this term she won't have it next term either AND she can't pay you back.

My neighbour put me in a similar position a while ago. Their business was struggling after covid and she said she really needed me to lend her £5k to get by, but there was no indication of how and when she'd repay me. I was quite blunt and said I never lend anyone money so the answer was no. She was a bit taken aback (as she knows I likely have it from our jobs and lifestyle) and said "but we'll have to sell one of the cars". That's what they did and we are still on friendly terms!

decafsoyaflatwhite · 01/09/2022 13:28

I don’t know if someone has pointed this out already (I’m certain they have!) but while it’s very sweet of you to be worried about their son having to leave/not taking the entrance exams for senior schools… if their home is being repossessed and they can’t afford this term’s fees then they’re highly unlikely to be able to send him to an independent senior school anyway.

sweetgrapes · 01/09/2022 13:30

Am sitting here 😳at the idea that you even contemplated it and needed to ask here!
£4000 and you didn't fall about laughing!
Even 40 would have got a No from me. 4000 is unthinkable.

Branleuse · 01/09/2022 13:30

wtf? what a chancer. Her kid can go to state school like most peoples kids do.

Branleuse · 01/09/2022 13:31

I think you should alert the school to the woman sending begging letters

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/09/2022 13:31

Absolutely not. Advise her to talk to the school, her bank and her ex-husband.

Child can always go to state school.

What a cheek! £4,000!

DiddlyDoris · 01/09/2022 13:34

Errr no.

If she can't afford private then her kid can go to comprehensive school!

Folklore9074 · 01/09/2022 13:34

What should I do???

How about a not-so-stealth brag about your wealth on mumsnet?

gamerchick · 01/09/2022 13:37

Thinl about why she's asked you, someone she barely knows and not someone closer to her.

You'll never see that money again OP. It's on your own head.

Redbone · 01/09/2022 13:38

No is a complete sentence !

hardboiledeggs · 01/09/2022 13:39

Just tell her your cant afford it. If she doubts you, tell her to piss off.

Midpmcoffee · 01/09/2022 13:39

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Apl · 01/09/2022 13:39

If you’re going to give £4k to a stranger you’d be better off sending to Oxfam in Africa where it would literally save lives.

She wouldn’t pay you back.

The comp may not be great but if his parents are having their home repossessed, he’s going to end up leaving your school anyway, there’s no way she can afford to keep him there. Sounds like she’s in denial.

AStar98 · 01/09/2022 13:39

Decline. Likelihood you'll see her at the school gate is minimised because it looks like that child won't be attending for much longer.