School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

I'd expect someone who sends their DC to private school to have a bit more class than to ask for such a loan by email. Surely this is done over a game of tennis or a discrete coffee date?

Christ no!

I can't actually believe someone has the audacity to even ask!

When I get emails I view as dodgy, I just delete them and forget it.

I don't think I would be keeping schtum about it, too right I'd mention it to other parents. I wouldn't name and shame the scrounger outright, but if I had another parent saying "Did you get an email from X trying to sponge £4K?!" I'd be happy to talk about it. If I had financial difficulties and couldn't meet the fees I would be withdrawing my child and looking for an alternative rather than trying to soak someone else. It's the only decent thing to do.

I wish I knew people that I barely know that would even consider giving my £4000!

On second thoughts, I would re-forward her email back to her with a note along the lines of

"Yikes! Looks like you've been hacked. Obviously I've deleted my end but thought you should know".

Nope. She can't afford this terms fees. how's she going to afford the next terms plus the repayments to you. You will never see that money again and it doesn't solve her financial issues. Its awful that she might have to move her child who is settled in the school. but he still has 7 years left he will settle in a new school.

So I am going to say, if you are quiet affluent, and the money lost won't harm you, then I would do it for the child and not for her, but make sure she knows thats why. She is extremely cheeky and I would make show she knows it !

Reply saying you barely know each other?! She’s got no shame!

If you barely know her, how come she had your email address?

Please DON’T do it even if you can really afford to lose it , life becomes so awkward if you end up chasing her for repayment, DO NOT be guilted into it ,really not your problem.
I’ve been down this path with a family member it’s never plain sailing.

Our school circulate parents' emails and phone number for each year group (with our permission). It's massively useful for organising playdates, birthday parties etc (kids live all over the place, some miles away, so needs quite a lot of parental input)

Thanks for your support everyone (well, nearly everyone!). Husband is home from work and agrees it's a shocking idea, which surprised me as he's a massively soft touch - worse than me. Turns out that he had loaned an old friend some money (twice) a few years ago, and never got any of it back, so is very much twice bitten, thrice shy.

It is a very difficult one. I wouldn't ask someone outside of my family for this amount of money. However are there special circumstances, the child is an only child, the mother recently separated? To move a child in year 6 is horrendous. We kept our son in his prep even though we couldn't afford it after a horrendous financial downfall. I sold everything. He went to the academy in Yr 7.Is the lady genuine or a chancer? I recently lent someone money and they posted about their holiday booking. I was a bit peed off!

Say no….. her current financial situation will have been caused by some really bad financial decisions….

No. Send her to the bursar.

I can't see any good reason why you would say yes to be honest.

If her son had to go to year 6 now it may be better for him to move in Primary and meet peers to then move into secondary with.

Attending school in the state sector won't eat him alive.

Problem is it's not just this term, is it? It's next term, and the summer term too. So even if your contribution kept him in til Xmas, what happens then? The family would be much better to speak to the bursar at the school and see what can be done for the medium term. And make arrangements for him to transfer to state school from next September.

Can you speak to the bursar and let them know about this? There is every possibility that she may already owe other parents cash too.

Maybe you should have discussed it with him first then.

Do not lend money. Either give it, or do not give it. Simple.

No.

She can get a Credit Card or loan of need be.

Or, she can send her child to the many free schools that are around.

A mahoosive no from me. I lent a distant relative £1500 for furniture. She started paying me back in dribs & drabs then stopped completely. We now don't speak.

If you can afford to drop £4k, please donate it to charity - the Trussel Trust and Shelter are going to be pretty busy this year.

Lots of people can't afford school fees, that's what state schools are for.

That's bonkers! If someone I barely knew asked me that at the school gate I would laugh my head off!

Apart from the fact not being able to privately educate your hold is not a hardship! What's got into people?!

I've been stupid enough to lend people money (people I thought were friends). It's like pulling out teeth with your bare hands trying to get it back (because of course they really need Netflix and a holiday even though they told me they couldn't put food on the table). The correct answer is "no can do"; you don't have to offer an explanation. She should ask if the school has scholarships or bursaries or payment plans. You might find she has been asking other parents for financial help too.

I think I would help if I could but can see i’m in the minority

This.

My god, don't stress over this. Tell her no. It's the only reasonable response to such an outrageous request. WTF is she thinking?