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if DD won't go to school.....

60 replies

BeeEm · 17/12/2007 14:13

tomorrow - what do i do with her all day?
i've decided - i'm not battling anymore - i'm too tired. but do i make her stay in bed? do i give her work to do? do i ban TV? any ideas?
also what do i tell school? 'DD won't be at school today cos she won't get out of bed and she hates you all'

OP posts:
juuule · 18/12/2007 10:04

I don't think BeeEms daughter has been calling the shots
"have been physically dragging her in every day since half term." from
By BeeEm on Mon 17-Dec-07 14:30:25
Going off this post I think BeeEm and her dd need some help with this situation.

BeeEm · 18/12/2007 10:25

Still in bed. i've done all the housework, iced the christmas cake and now i'm bored with nothing to do!
can't let on that i indulge in cash in the attic when i'm at home....
but on a more serious note - i have been calling the shots. i have explained (many times) the consequenses... she knows i'm serious.

oh lord just had school nurse on phone......

OP posts:
SelfishMrsClaus · 18/12/2007 10:31

Are you getting any support from other family members? Is dd an only child? Is her dad on the scene?

BeeEm · 18/12/2007 10:57

yup. DH v good with her - more patient than me even. DD is 2 yrs younger than sweet angelic DD1.
she's still in bed. i'm still bored.
school nursey is going to chase paed appt.
actually i feel better than i have in days. i'm not stressed out, haven't shouted, havent pulled damaged shoulder or back, have done some cleaning..... DD on the other hand.......hmmmm. seems perfectly happy to lie in bed - so what do i do tomorrow?

OP posts:
sue930 · 19/12/2007 17:54

well read this post on here about BeeEm child, and sounds just like my thoughts exactly only my daughter is 14 and refuses to go in to school, everyday she says she's not well or simply that she is not going! the school has even reduced her times in some days only 2hrs a day and still she will not go, or if she does she walks out before she's meant to, some days she wont even et up until afternoon, the amount of stress she causes me is unreal, my other children get up ready and off to school no problems, ive tried everything I can think of teenagers eh anyone has a magic wand??

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 19/12/2007 18:17

i went through this when i was 14. i hated school. i told my mum millions of times i didn't want to go but she made me. i begged her to let me change school and she wouldn't. i ended up self harming. i begged again to be allowed to change schools but mum said no. she finally let me change schools after i ended up in hospital and had my stomach pumped

btw i don't know why i wanted to change school so much. i wasn't bullied and i had friends. i'd been there since the age of 8 and had been very happy.

some of the things that i think triggered it are:

1)someone close to me died - has she had any major disruption in the last couple of years?

2)the pressure the school piled on got too much - are they pushing them now they are getting close to sats?

3)although i had friends and was liked i always felt very much on the outside of the group. does she have many close friends?

4)i didn't get on with a lot of my teachers. could it be that?

5)2 of my close friends moved schools so i felt very alone.

i don't think your dd is anywhere near doing what i did but just thought i'd offer some ideas of what it could be.

and to those of you who think she should be forced to go .... many adults each year get signed off work for depression so why should a poor 9 year old be forced to go to school? i know when i'm feelin down there is no point me going to work cos i will be absolutely useless and there will be no point in me being there. i doubt she's concentrating very much on her lessons if she feels like this.

unless she's fine once she gets there? how do the teachers say she is once she's there? is she happy or does she seem distant/miserable during the school day?

cory · 19/12/2007 18:35

I think you are doing the right thing here, BeeEm: getting her seen by a professional. She needs the reassurance of a proper check-up, and if there is a school phobia problem developing they will know where to refer for that.

juuule · 19/12/2007 19:30

Good post, ADDICTED......etc
I also think that BeeEm's dd shouldn't be forced to go. According to BeeEm, her dd has already been dragged into school and it's not helped at all. I can't see how forcing her in is going to be beneficial and is more likely to make the situation worse.
BeeEm, Isn't it possible to home-ed for a while?

bigdonna · 07/01/2008 17:28

hi beeem,you have all my sympathy,i have been trying to get my ds into school since april he has had medical issues,then had panic attacks going into school he turned 10 last august.we have just changed his school,he still has panic attacks going in but it is getting easier .He had depression,sinisitis,migraines i think due to stress of being bullied at school.i am like you have been feeling ill too (too much stress).i had asked my son from june 07 if he was being bullied he said no.only admitted he couldnt cope going into school at end of december.He seems much happier at new school.ds was also sent to see a councilor.good luck.

BBBee · 13/01/2008 09:50

was wondering how this term has been for you both.

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