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Original poster

if DD won't go to school.....

60 replies

BeeEm · 17/12/2007 14:13

tomorrow - what do i do with her all day?
i've decided - i'm not battling anymore - i'm too tired. but do i make her stay in bed? do i give her work to do? do i ban TV? any ideas?
also what do i tell school? 'DD won't be at school today cos she won't get out of bed and she hates you all'

OP posts:

AwayInAMunker · 17/12/2007 14:13

How old is she?

AwayInAMunker · 17/12/2007 14:14

Why are you tired? Are you pregnant? Working many hours? Ill?

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/12/2007 14:16

my dd (almost 3) usually loves her nursery but some times (maybe twice since school started) she says she doesnt want to go and she really means it. i let her stay home, play with her sister, look at books, and relax. she saves up energies and is back the next day

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 17/12/2007 14:19

BeeEm you can't really give in. That would just add to your troubles. And hers. She has to go to school; it's the law unless you fancy home educating her.

If you "stop fighting" you're only going to make it more of a battle to get her there long term..aren't you?

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 17/12/2007 14:20

Maybe I am odd but I wouldn't let a three year old make her own decisions about going to school/nursery. But then I wouldn't let a three year old play outside on the pavement alone and I think I came out as weird on that thread as well...

BrightBaublesBeetroot · 17/12/2007 14:24

am sure she is not 3 - she sounds like a teenager

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 17/12/2007 14:25

Was referring to Don'tWantToGetOutOfBed's post the second time

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/12/2007 14:25

why, do you think a 3 year old isn't capable of expressing their true feelings, or do you think a parent should let the school system deal with their child when the child has a unique need?

paulaplumpbottom · 17/12/2007 14:26

I'd make her go even if its a hassle. If she thinks being a hassle works she'll just get worse.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 17/12/2007 14:27

What unique need? You never mentioned one..

Blandmum · 17/12/2007 14:27

I'mnot sure what the back ground is.

How old is she?

Has she been ill, is there some background problem?

Does she have SEN?

Do you want to home educate?

cornsilk · 17/12/2007 14:29

Actually I wouldn't make her go at 3 if she feels that strongly.

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/12/2007 14:29

she was really adamant about not wanting to go. she perhaps could not express the why, but she could express the need to stay home that day

Blandmum · 17/12/2007 14:30

don'twanttogetoutofbed'sdd is 3

OP doesn't give an age

Original poster

BeeEm · 17/12/2007 14:30

She's 9.5. have been physically dragging her in every day since half term. she won't eat, is depressed, sad, unhappy, phobic..... i'm all that too. my back has given out with the physical bit. and i've been signed off work for a month as i'm also not sleeping and would kill people with my mistakes if i went to work. I've tried reasoning, shouting, being nice, forceful, being strong, crying, school have tried, school nurse almost useless, GP referring to paediatrician. i trully cannot do it any more.

OP posts:

camillathechicken · 17/12/2007 14:30

depends on so much, as has been said

her age, her needs, if any, is there an underlying issue

if so, that needs dealing with, keeping her at home won;t actually help .

you cannot not go to work when you are older because you don;t feel like it

if she does not want to go and no other reason than she cannot be bothered, it is in both of your interests to get her to school

cornsilk · 17/12/2007 14:31

Why not keep her off till after Xmas then? Just tell them she's ill. School's not compulsary for 3 year olds.

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/12/2007 14:31

anyways i think as parents we should side with our children not the school system, or at least give our children that feeling, otherwise, how will they feel confident to talk to us about their problems.

if BeeEm's dd doesnt want to go to school, perhaps let her stay home, have fun with you, and talk to you about why she doesnt want to go and what could change her mind, or what else she can do

camillathechicken · 17/12/2007 14:31

x post

has SENCO seen her?

sounds like you are all having a tough time

do you have a partner to share the load>?

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/12/2007 14:32

BeeEM, it sounds like your dd is trying to say something

frogs · 17/12/2007 14:32

I have occasionally kept one of mine off for the last few days of the Christmas term, when they were so exhausted and emotional that I couldn't see how the child or the school would benefit from them being there. I always told the school what I was doing, and they were supportive.

However, that was with infant-age children (Y2 and below). I think older ones have to grit their teeth and go through with it, even though I think schools should have finished last Friday as all the kids look white with fatigue.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 17/12/2007 14:33

DWTGOOB, this is only my personal opinion. It depends on the circumstances and your personal feelings of course (and this prob has nothing to do with the OP whose child is, I assume, teenage.) But personally, I wouldn't have a three year old in nursery all day everyday (no idea if this is what you do not not judging!) unless I literally HAD to due to work commitments. And on the days he/she was supposed to go, I would take her, unless she was ill, regardless of her whether she told me she wanted to go or not.

I just feel that if you start letting them tell you what they want to do and when at 2 or 3, then they will understandably grow up thinking that what they say, goes. It's part and parcel of them understanding about the world IMO.

cornsilk · 17/12/2007 14:34

Oh sorry - just realised op's dd is 9.5. Snap! I have a ds who does the same thing. I've managed by asking the school for support and changing my working hours. Someone recommended a really good book a week or so ago - it was from Amazon.

frogs · 17/12/2007 14:34

Crossed posts. 9.5 is a bit old for the tiredness-related sicky. But the general school refusal seems like a more serious problem that needs proper addressing and won't be cured by a couple of days at home watching kids TV.

Original poster

BeeEm · 17/12/2007 14:35

All started with a tummy bug weeks ago. now she feels sick all the time. don't know if it is physically feeling sick or anxious feeling sick - she doesn't know either. i'm also of the persuasion that unless you are activelly bleeding you go to work/school.
final straw was having to sign a risk assessment for her 'challenging' behaviour - when dropping her off. teacher reckons she's o.k after half an hour or so and just gets on with it.

OP posts:

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