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Original poster

Private school: the good, the bad and the ugly!!!

182 replies

Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 16:13

I think I have convinced DH to do private school but we are newbies to being private school parents. I have spent lots of time online looking at options and visited a few and narrowed it down to one I like and local parents seem really, really effusive. But they are all so positive and realistically their have to be some issues right? It makes me a bit spooked that it is so positive because life isn’t perfect is it? The marketing stuff looks impressive but I hope I am savvy enough to know that is what it is - marketing!
So let’s say I have the ‘good’ bit nailed down - small classes, accountability due to fee’s, decent sports provision and nice extra curricular and nice long day.
So what can be the bad and the ugly be? What do I need to watch out for?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 16:53

@DobbyTheHouseElk
I think we will do it from reception because we can easily afford it even though DH thinks it is a waste!

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spicedappledonuts · 19/09/2021 16:54

I have a Ford, you'll be fine OP.

It is more that it is sometimes hard for my dc to understand that they don't live in a normal space because it is normal to them.

There isn't much judging around having or not having things though, less than there is state school in fact.

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 16:56

@spicedappledonuts
That is so good to hear. Do you think other kids judge them in later life though? My friend said she told her son not to tell people at freshers week that he was from private school.

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vickyc90 · 19/09/2021 16:57

[quote Goldenspice]@vickyc90
I do wonder if I am being a bit rash sometimes - my DH thinks it is a total waste of money and they would do well in our loc school but we do have the money and I have always had a thing for those cute uniforms! Why he puts up with me I don’t know!!![/quote]
It's the mentality and drive they get from private that appealed to us. However my husband went to the school we are aiming for and his friends have done really well out of it which for us is the main thing. I think it's a very personal decision and also depends on the schools in the area, if we had to use the local state secondary (not failing just very average) I think our decision would have been different.

The fact they finish at 5pm would also be great as cuts down on home alone time or wrap around care. I would say have a look at surrounding high performing state schools as it may be cheaper to move house to be in catchment and give the kids what you spent on school fees as a house deposit in years to come!

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 16:59

@vickyc90
My husband is right really because all our friends from our good state school have done brilliant in life. Those uniforms though… I can’t resist.

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LyndzB · 19/09/2021 17:00

[quote Goldenspice]@spicedappledonuts we don’t have a Ferrari or a private jet, do you think a BMW is posh enough? Actually the school we like is a bit run down but someone told me that lots of posh people have run down houses so they don’t care? I was quite surprised I thought it would be really swanky.[/quote]
We send our ds to private school and we have an old Ford. We are looked down on in some circumstances. We just don't want to spend money on a fancy car (no issues with people that do just not our thing) but there's definitely some snobbery!

Washeduponthebeach · 19/09/2021 17:02

@trilbydoll

They don't have to hire qualified teachers I don't think, which could be good or bad depending on the individual.

Hidden costs, nothing is free Grin

Absolute rubbish.
Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:03

@LyndzB
Thanks love for that, makes me feel much better. Does it matter what you drink at parties and stuff? Is there a social code for that?

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dalrympy · 19/09/2021 17:05

In all honesty I wouldn't do it from reception as I think it's important to get that "real life" experience. Friends kids went to the same school from reception to year 11. It's too little variety. Private schools are often small in any case and if there are only 10 girls in your year and those are the same 10 for your entire school career, that's a bit much for me.

Secondary well worth it though. Has come into its own for GCSE with small focused groups.

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:06

@LyndzBn
I read that as people do not look down on you but I read it again and you mean they do. I am sorry for you, how nasty. I am worried because someone told me that people think you are a chav if you didn’t go to private school yourself and won’t mix with you or invite your kids to parties.

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Washeduponthebeach · 19/09/2021 17:07

My daughter went to a private school. She got an awful lot of help and support . She passed her Maths GCSE with a lot of help from the teacher who put in her own time and effort out with school hours to help her. She made wonderful friends for life. The SEN provision was very good and small
Classes helped her a lot.
She moved to state sixth form and was bullied badly for the first time in her life. She failed most of her AS Levels. I firmly believe she would have sunk without a trace of she’d been in the state system all along.

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:07

@dalrympy
The uniforms aren’t so cute at secondary though. I want pictures of them in the little blazers and ties and stuff.

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Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2021 17:08

@mdh2020

Look at inspection reports. In my experience, they are not too good at dealing with bullying.
They expelled the girl who bullied DD
Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:09

@Washeduponthebeach
That is nice to hear but not what I asked on the thread. I know the good bits i a, worried about the other bits. And sorry she had a crap time I. Sixth form, did you have to move her because you ran out of money? It is blinking expensive isn’t it.

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Soma · 19/09/2021 17:09

@Goldenspice , this is what I said on another thread - 'It's not just about the exam results and whether the DC end up at the same universities, it's their journey through school that it's important to me. We could have used state schools, but have selected indies all the way through, because I didn't want my DC to be invisible and I wanted to be able to raise any concerns I had, and for them to be taken seriously.'
Having said all that, I've been recommending state to 7/8 (years old) to many of my friends recently, mainly because we left the decision to go private so late and ended up selecting a poor prep school. Fabulous uniform, but wrong in most ways. Including spelling tests and cursive script in reception, both of which were unnecessary and slightly stressful. We moved to a far superior and bigger prep school, and my DC thrived there.
There are competitive parents everywhere, I live near an oversubscribed, Ofsted rated outstanding primary school, and the competitiveness from the parents is beyond a joke. We had them at both prep schools, but they were in the minority.

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:11

@Soma
That is nice. Glad only a few weird parents.

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Terryscombover · 19/09/2021 17:12

No one will not invite your kid to a party just because you yourself didn't go to private school.

What does happen is friendship cliques happen. We didn't jet off to Ibiza for the weekend with our friends - but some did. I made some lovely friends though. Others didn't want to really know me as were so different, which is normal, but they were never rude.

I found the Dad's tended to be much more up their own arse poncing around in flash cars, bragging etc.

If you are a stay at home Mum though please don't alway be late and park like a twat - that did used to irritate me!!!!

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:14

@Terryscombover
Made me laugh, but I am not a stay at homer though I will be working my ass off for those cute uniforms!

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Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:18

@Hoppinggreen
Your poor girly hope she is ok now. Did the girl go to another private school? Would they know they have to treat her like a bully?

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DobbyTheHouseElk · 19/09/2021 17:18

Hang on....

Are you joking when you say you want the cute uniforms over education?

For us it’s the education that a private school will bring. Couldn’t care less about what the DC wear.

Henlie · 19/09/2021 17:19

My advice is mainly financial and would be dont under estimate the cost of it, especially if you’re doing it from reception to sixth form. Fees rise annually, so you need to take that into account. Plus, if you have more children (I’m assuming you only have one child from your post?) can you afford to put all of them through the private system? And if one of you or both of you lose your jobs do you have savings to see you through paying both mortgage/school fees etc?

Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:20

@DobbyTheHouseElk
No one knows me on here so I can be honest, it is mostly the uniforms and so my kids turn out posher than me and because I work I need the childcare. I went to a state school and got good results so they would be fine if we couldn’t afford it but we can do we might as well.

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Original poster
Goldenspice · 19/09/2021 17:22

@Henlie
Thanks yes we can easily afford it but my husband still doesn’t think it is worth it. He is more ‘bricks make you rich’ but I figure we can do that too one day.

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DobbyTheHouseElk · 19/09/2021 17:22

[quote Goldenspice]@DobbyTheHouseElk
No one knows me on here so I can be honest, it is mostly the uniforms and so my kids turn out posher than me and because I work I need the childcare. I went to a state school and got good results so they would be fine if we couldn’t afford it but we can do we might as well.[/quote]
That’s a very unusual way of thinking. I’m wondering if you are trolling us.

No one goes into private school education for the uniforms.

BlusteryLake · 19/09/2021 17:23

One thing I would say is that private schools tend to have more of a particular "vibe" than state schools because they are selective and tend to select a particular type of pupil/parent. This means that finding the right fit is more important in private than state. So it is entirely possible to find schools where your child wouldn't fit in, you need to watch for this.