Did using state schools over private make a difference in your experience?

[Bulblasagnes]

If you chose to use the state sector when you could afford private, for altruistic or idealistic reasons of wanting to participate in the state sector and support the betterment of the state sector for the benefit of everyone, do you think it actually made a difference to other children at your child’s school? Or to the school?

I have always planned on sending my DC to state schools all the way through. I am confident that with our support they would be fine academically and go onto achieve whatever they wanted. DH and I attended top universities and are both in highly skilled professional jobs. To our surprise after a few sharp pay rises we will be in a position to easily afford private secondary when the time comes. In addition, there is an all-round fantastic private school locally (a boys’ school, for DS, the oldest) which has brilliant facilities and teaching in sports, music, drama and so on, in addition to great academics.

Between the two options we have, I still don’t think it will necessarily affect university options, but I do think DS could have a lot of fun and pursue many activities to a high level at the private school, which he wouldn’t be able to at the state. I also think the private school would help with DS’s confidence issues.

My heart is still with the state school option but I want to be sure that depriving my DC of those experiences and possibilities at private school will really make a difference to others. Otherwise it just feels like I’m making them miss out for no reason.

Why is your heart with the state school?

Presumably if someone in your financial situation chose to send their child to state school (for whatever reason) they are unlikely to say they regret their choice? If they did regret their choice they could just move their child to a private school.

@Enidblyton1 I don’t mean the specific school itself but rather the idea of sending DC to a normal state school along with other local kids rather than segregating them in a school with lots of middle class/wealthy children.

You could more easily argue that you're doing a better thing for society to leave the state funded place (paid for by your taxes) in what sounds like a great school for someone who would really benefit from it and couldn't afford the alternative of going private.
Our local grammar school is stuffed out with kids who have private school place as a back up in case they don't get into the grammar and that irks me.

@CottonBudd

You could more easily argue that you're doing a better thing for society to leave the state funded place (paid for by your taxes) in what sounds like a great school for someone who would really benefit from it and couldn't afford the alternative of going private. Our local grammar school is stuffed out with kids who have private school place as a back up in case they don't get into the grammar and that irks me.

Exactly my thoughts. Unless you're planning on making a sizeable donation to the state school.

The local state school seems fine but I wouldn’t say it’s ‘a really great school’, just an average state school. It has no green space though which is a bit rubbish.

@CottonBudd

You could more easily argue that you're doing a better thing for society to leave the state funded place (paid for by your taxes) in what sounds like a great school for someone who would really benefit from it and couldn't afford the alternative of going private. Our local grammar school is stuffed out with kids who have private school place as a back up in case they don't get into the grammar and that irks me.

Sorry, just re-read and the good school you mention is the private one. Why would you not go for it, if you can "easily" afford it?

Oh I see. I agree with the PPs that I don’t understand your logic. I can’t see how sending your child to the local state school is doing the school a favour. I’m sure you don’t mean it this way, but it could come across as extremely arrogant.

My aunt and uncle could easily afford private. They started off at village primary for easiness, the kids were happy and they never moved to private sector. Both children were very bright, and qualified as vets. I don't believe they ever regretted decision.

Have you thought about going state and just seeing how it goes? You don't have to make a decision yet. Most parents I know that ended up sending their kids private did it because for some reason or another, be it for social or academic reasons, the local state school didn't fit their child. In other words, they probably would have stuck out the state option if things had 'gone to plan'.

I think there are many parents like you, in fact dh and I included because we nearly went private for dd2 who was struggling academically, who would rather give their children the benefit of a more rounded social upbringing with local friends.

The money you save could be put towards Uni and a house deposit; there are other ways to help your children beyond schooling.

There is a strong view that having middle class children attend normal (non-grammar) state schools helps those schools, whether by having a larger group of interested kids and proactive parents at the school or parental pressure on the school leadership. If better off parents have a stake in state schools rather than being able to opt out by going private, they are more likely to prioritise schooling at a political level which puts pressure on the government to do more to improve state schools for everyone. I’m paraphrasing but there is a lot of literature out there in this topic.

However on the other hand I’ve been reading a lot about meritocracy recently and how there is no real meritocracy in this country, only a few kids that manage to break out of the path our society has pre-destined for them. It’s really depressing but it’s also making me think that if it’s not going to make a difference anyway why am I sacrificing something that could be so nice for my DC.

We moved to an area with good state schools, our DCs attended them. We paid for extra tutoring if needed. They achieved good grades and it meant that we could fully fund them for their university years and they left with no student debt. Which was a great start for them.

We could afford private school but DC got into super selective grammar in our nearest town so we went with that. I was at a comp and did well academically/Uni/career and see no reason why my dc shouldn't. Dh went to private school and did fine but no 'better' than me.

Private schools do offer more extra curricular which we've tried to provide externally (pre Covid).

My main concern was if either of us lost our jobs I wouldn't want to have to move them so chose their stability, paying off mortgage, pensions, extra curricular activities and holidays instead

I want to be sure that depriving my DC of those experiences and possibilities at private school will really make a difference to others.

What do you mean by this?

And ability to fund though Uni too as per PP

Personally, I would also think about the social education it gives your kids. It will teach them to mix with a wide variety of people, and give them a better grasp of the range of 'normal' socio-economic circumstances in which people live. In my view, kids who only (or mostly) mix with wealthy or very wealthy families are at a disadvantage in understanding how society as a whole works (or doesn't work).

I don’t think you individually choosing private over state schooling for 2 kids is going to have a huge impact on the state sector. However if a lot of well off parents started doing that it might have a positive knock on impact.

I get where you're coming from, but one child is neither here nor there, so you should probably do whatever is best for your particular child.

We expect to pay off our mortgage before DC start secondary school and can pay for uni for them later as well. As I said we can afford it comfortably and won’t have other ‘uses’ for the money per se, it will just add to our savings. Which is why it’s become a bigger issue for us, because we expect to have that surplus income and so it becomes much more of a ‘why not?’ And the why not is because I fundamentally don’t believe it’s good for society

@AIMD Yes I agree with that but if it is beneficial at a macro level it feels worth doing at a micro level, and should also make some minor difference even at that micro level?

Personally, I would go comp and then you can afford to pay for extra hobbies and tuition if extra tuition is needed. And holidays etc so take the financial pressure off and have lovely family experiences together. Also, long sighted kids from states schools have a better chance of getting into top unis now!

Also, I’ve read numerous studies that mixed sex schools are best for boys

[quote Bulblasagnes]@Enidblyton1 I don’t mean the specific school itself but rather the idea of sending DC to a normal state school along with other local kids rather than segregating them in a school with lots of middle class/wealthy children.[/quote]
Well that depends whether the State school is in special measure, because that kind of makes the whole “segregation” thing a lot more attractive

I would always choose the private school. But I went to a very mediocre state school and had a bloody miserable time. I went to Oxford so it arguably did no harm in terms of outcomes (and I did lots of extracurricular activities) but I'd have been a lot happier at the local girls' private school.

DS went to our local outstanding state school, unlike most of his friends who went private. He is on for a first in a RG university, while most of his ex-classmates either dropped out as they couldn't cope with different environments and different types of people, went to a less-prestigious university or are in low-paid jobs. It very much depends on the young person involved.