Did using state schools over private make a difference in your experience?

[Bulblasagnes]

If you chose to use the state sector when you could afford private, for altruistic or idealistic reasons of wanting to participate in the state sector and support the betterment of the state sector for the benefit of everyone, do you think it actually made a difference to other children at your child’s school? Or to the school?

I have always planned on sending my DC to state schools all the way through. I am confident that with our support they would be fine academically and go onto achieve whatever they wanted. DH and I attended top universities and are both in highly skilled professional jobs. To our surprise after a few sharp pay rises we will be in a position to easily afford private secondary when the time comes. In addition, there is an all-round fantastic private school locally (a boys’ school, for DS, the oldest) which has brilliant facilities and teaching in sports, music, drama and so on, in addition to great academics.

Between the two options we have, I still don’t think it will necessarily affect university options, but I do think DS could have a lot of fun and pursue many activities to a high level at the private school, which he wouldn’t be able to at the state. I also think the private school would help with DS’s confidence issues.

My heart is still with the state school option but I want to be sure that depriving my DC of those experiences and possibilities at private school will really make a difference to others. Otherwise it just feels like I’m making them miss out for no reason.

I doubt the local state school will suddenly become outstanding because you send your super MC kids there.

I'm sure the plebs will do just fine without you and your children showing them how it's done.

[quote Bulblasagnes]@AIMD Yes I agree with that but if it is beneficial at a macro level it feels worth doing at a micro level, and should also make some minor difference even at that micro level?[/quote]
When you put it like that it probably is worth doing. By the sounds of things you are fairly comfortable financially so if they struggle will be able to afford tutors, access to extracurricular activities etc.

I have the same belief as you, but I can imagine when it comes down to making a decision for your own child it can be difficult

I don't understand the idealistic viewpoint of State school being somehow better.

State schools aren't all the same. And generally speaking, those in more expensive areas have less 'problems'. People pay for these schools by paying for more expensive housing. School catchment affecting house pricing is generally acknowledged... And it's the same in lots of countries, not just the English system.

DH went to the Grammar School. His brother didn't quite pass the exam. His allocated school was one of the worst in the country at the time... So his parents and grandparents scraped together every penny for the Private school.

I went to a private school and I’m ashamed of how ignorant and uneducated I was about the real world when I left, although my academic results were good. We’ve chosen to send our DC to the (good) local state schools where they can be part of the local community.

You can always enhance their education in other ways (theatres, concerts, extra tuition if needed).

And in the current political climate, it probably helps state schools to have a few affluent parents who can help with fundraising.

Just first off I was not in this position so not really who you're asking. Although we live in a country with streamed education (similar to the old grammar/secondary modern/technical schools) which I find awful, and at first I felt hypocritical sending DS1 to the "grammar" equivalent when we could have chosen secondary modern or comprehensive. Also if I'm totally honest felt a bit out of place there. Ended up going for the "grammar" anyway, and it was 100% the right decision for him. I am extremely glad we didn't go for the other schools.

But I don't think for a moment it would make any difference on an individual level to any pupil in the school except your own DC. And the reason you might support a state school over private is purely ideological - it's just so you can't be accused of being a hypocrite. Nobody is really going to notice or care. So although it stinks in a way, you might as well get your own DC the advantages of private school, and do other things to change the system.

I would think about your DC and their personalities and see where you think they'd fit best with the options you have. I went to private school and my DC go to state school. They're doing 13 gcses, have plenty of extra curricular options and a nice pool of friends. Our state school is good though. The top 30 percent get As so if your DC is tending to be in that 30 percent, they'll likely do well. I think they are more confident than I was from my private school experience. I also think they'll cope better than I did in work, as most people go on to work with a variety of people, not just wealthy ones. I can't think of anything my school provided that theirs doesn't apart from swimming. So for me it's a no brainer. I don't have altruistic reasons for it however.

Depends on the child, we have one at state one at private , both in best suited to them. No doubt teaching is better at private, they have smaller classes and selection so can just focus on learning. However the academic pressure wouldn't suit my other DC , they are more self starter too which you need in state. Also my DC at private loves music and drama and unfortunately that is where the cuts pinch at state.
Do what's right for your child at the time. I wouldn't send before year 7

[quote Bulblasagnes]@Enidblyton1 I don’t mean the specific school itself but rather the idea of sending DC to a normal state school along with other local kids rather than segregating them in a school with lots of middle class/wealthy children.[/quote]
You’ve used the exact word I use when talking about state vs private education. It’s segregation. If you’re happy to segregate your children from all the hoi poloi at the local Comp then go for it!

You can pay for all the extras even if your dc go to a state school though.

Totally depends on the schools involved. A selective state grammar is very different from a comprehensive for example. Depends on the classes your DS has. Does he have disruptive and disaffected pupils wasting lesson time regularly or is he in classes of mostly well-motivated children? The former is tedious (I used to teach in a comprehensive!). The social element is something to bear in mind but easily converted by sticking with current clubs, for example.

FWIW we chose independent and don't regret it. There are plenty of new local friends he will make assuming it's not a school full of boarders.

I went to a state comp. Ended up at RG Uni and had a career as a City lawyer. So it did me no harm from the perspective of my future career but I was so unhappy. The culture of mediocrity was miserable. The bullying of bright kids (swots) rampant and teachers did little to intervene. Was only at Uni I found my type of person. Spending age 11-18 utterly miserable most of the time was awful. I'm sure not every state school is the same but I'm privately educating my kids. Can't risk that for them.

Covered not converted!

But you surely understand that others will not directly benefit from the beneficence of you sending your child to state school? It might well benefit your child, you should choose with them in mind.

We’ve done state comprehensive and top public school. They were very, very different experiences, possibly more than we imagined.

The biggest difference was peer group, networking, facilities and personalised curriculum. Academically and teaching wise they were comparable - although some of the public school teachers would have been eaten alive in a comprehensive. There were better teachers at the comprehensive, but they were coping with larger groups who were not selected on ability or motivation. Ours came out with very comparable academic results and extracurricular experiences/skills.

The comprehensive required more personal commitment and self directed learning. It made them more resilient and able to cope with distractions. It also taught them that supporting others didn’t have a negative impact on their own learning. Special needs wasn’t catching.

What the public school gave as an additional extra was exposure to wider possibilities and post school options. It opened doors we had never seen behind. We and our children learned just how important those networking skills are for young people.

Do what you like, do what suits you and your family

DH abd his entire family are public school educated, all DC cousins are too. Our kids went to the comp and now 6th form where we live.

They are doing well and are happy, both schools have provided excellent provisions over lockdown.

BUT, all the extra curricular stuff had to be organised by us. Cricket, rugby, then later Army Cadets and Judo. They did not do DoE but do NCS. They learned instruments but not to grade 8, more for fun.

It would have been difficult to do all that if I had worked full time, so it all depends on your set up.

I never felt that my DC missed out compared to their cousins.

Saying that oldest DS did not get offer from “top Uni” but has offers from Bristol, Bath and Nottingham so happy enough

Where we live, the kids that go private and the kids that go state end up at the same uni’s mostly. The state kids sometimes get contextual offers.

Not sure private confers the advantage it once did. But it’s probably all just that bit nicer (state school bus was rough!)

You've given loads of good reasons why you think the private school would suit your child. You can easily afford it. The only reason not to opt for the private is a woolly ideological idea about the benefits for wider society of using state provision, which may well be true if all high earners take the same path, but do nothing for your child.

I do get it, I went to a awful comprehensive, but still got good grades, went to RG uni and got the professional career at the end of it, so when I was younger I had a bit of inverse snobbery about private schools. But the reality is that I was the exception to the rule and, like a PP mentioned upthread, had a pretty rough ride at school at times for a being a "boff/nerd/geek". My children are going to private school - even with a very good state school option on our doorstep and I am completely unapologetic about it.

Send your child to the school that's the right fit for him, whether state or private.

As someone whom has a child attending a local comp of 2000 kids in September. If chose private if I could as it stops the unruly teen behavior, stricter etc.

I completely understand your position... and for slightly different reasons wanted to go state not private. I don't necessarily think that it makes a difference to the school that you send yours there, but do think it would benefit many children to have a broader education social experience (and everyone if we didn't have private schools!). However, we have now sent one of our DC to a private specialist school due to a particular SEN.

I think you have a difficult choice: do you put your beliefs or your child's (perceived) needs first.

My other thought is that so many of the possible opportunities that seem to be on offer at private schools are often not taken up by the pupils. How much would your child actually do? Could you create this out of this environment?

If you can afford private, go private. Smaller classes, more extra curriculars. Might not lead to better grades but your child will have greater opportunities. I really don't think him going to an average state school is going to lead to the betterment of society or even those in his class.

There are good private schools and not so good ones, just as there are in the State sector. Try to see beyond the gloss and marketing of the private ones. Remember that they are unregulated in a way that state schools are not, and their external inspections are more like peer reviews. If you're from a state background yourself, you might be more comfortable staying with state, at least for primary.

We can afford to educate our dc privately but choose not to. Not because we believe it will benefit other children but because in our area the privately educated dc we know come from snobby families and spend most of their time discussing wealth. We want our dc to be well-rounded and be able to choose friendships from a bigger pool of kids.

We spend money on travel and extra-curricular activities instead.

I think your moral stance is admirable, but misguided OP. As a pp said, when a lot of middle class people send their children to a particular school standards may be raised. In some areas people spend thousands more on houses to be in the catchment area. This is just private schooling by another name. However, one parent (you) sending your child to a state school won’t have any impact at all.
I would chose the right school for your child. You’re in a lucky position not to be constrained by finances. So you can make the decision based purely on the benefit to our child. That might be the state option or it might be the private - perhaps a mixture?

I have family members who have been at good and bad state schools, cheaper private schools and top public schools. They all have pros and cons. The bad state school was the only one I wouldn’t recommend. While the top public school offered the most on paper, my family member was miserable there - it just wasn’t the right fit for him.

@LaureBerthaudMaisOui I work full time in a v demanding job so it would be challenging to do lots extra outside school without it totally taking over our family life. Having the extras provided at school with weekends just to hang out and do other spontaneous stuff as a family would be so nice.

@Blustered

We can afford to educate our dc privately but choose not to. Not because we believe it will benefit other children but because in our area the privately educated dc we know come from snobby families and spend most of their time discussing wealth. We want our dc to be well-rounded and be able to choose friendships from a bigger pool of kids.

We spend money on travel and extra-curricular activities instead.

This just shows how important the actual school in question is - whether state or private. I encountered a lot of talk about wealth at our local state school (which is in an extremely affluent area). Much less talk of money at the private school interestingly. That’s why it’s important to visit schools and make decisions based on each individual school rather than any preconceived ideas on state vs private.

I chose private for junior school and wish I hadn’t. All is well now but it wasn’t the right choice

I did 4 years at private school and one year at the local academy.

As much as I didn't like the private one because of bullies, the equipment available was to a much, much higher standard than the academy. The teachers were better and there were more interesting subjects to learn at private school and more support.

I left because of bullying. However I had a friend start there because she was bullied at the academy so there's no escape from that. If you can afford it, I would always say go private.