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Advice please - My DS has been bullied since Sept '06 and I need this sorted ASAP as he is getting death threats now- He is 8

143 replies

CowsGoMoo · 08/11/2007 11:51

Hi All, sorry this may be a long post... My DS is in a school where there are 2 forms to each school year and was happy, settled etc until Sept 06 when the school decided to move some of the children around in the 2 classes to even out the number of naughty children as my sons class seemed to be the better of the two. Since then we have had a lot of bullying from this one particular boy who the head has told me has 'issues'.

My Ds has suffered from being kicked,dragged around by his head, punched, pushed, resulting in bruises on his back where he has been kicked while they have had story time sitting on the carpet, bruises on his arm where this boy has held him too tight and times when he has been alone during breaks, as the boy takes his 'best' friend away from him.This boy is over a head taller than my ds and is quite intimidating.

I initially spoke to his class teacher and she told my son to move away from the boy, esp during carpet time but the kicking continued, my ds would move away from him but he would just shuffle close enough to him to hurt him again. I spoke to the teacher 5 times before going higher up the school and having meetings with the head.

It was him that told me that the child has issues and for my ds to tell a member of staff anytime something happened, he started doing this but the staff have repeatedly told him to go away and make friends with this boy and to play nicely!

This September my ds returns to school but the bullying has taken on a different form, lots of name calling still, kicking, punching etc, but recently he stabbed my son in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil, which my DH spoke to the head about and yet again all was mentioned was this childs issues, nothing regarding my sons issues of being bullied, He was last week told to P@** off by this boy (he is only 8!) and this is language my ds does not hear at home, and this week he has started to threaten to kill my son.

On tuesday my Ds returned from school clearly upset and told me after lots of persuasion that this boy said he is going to strangle my ds until he is dead and if he doesnt die he will cut his throat, the same threat was made again yesterday as well as my son being kicked.

I have discovered in the last week that not only is this boys mother a TA in the school but also a school governor. I have another appt with the head tomorrow and am so upset and angry as this child has never been told off etc and Im wondering if this is because his mum is a governor etc.

I have looked at removing my son from this school and have spoken to the other primary in our area, however there is a waiting list for a space in his year group and the likelihood is I wont get him in ever (he is in year 4)
I have even spoken to the local Prep school, who do have a space and I have visited it and it looks wonderful but will cost £2200 per term, money we dont really have but will find if necc as this is really affecting my son, family, all of us now and the death threats bit is petrifying me. My son is getting issues now over attending school and regularly cries now about attending school, esp after our latest half term.

I have been informed that if the child stabs him again etc I can get a criminal assault case against his parents and have also been told that the school is failing in its approach to the child protection act towards my son and I will be mentioning this tom at my appt, but does anyone else know of anything else I can throw at the school to make them sit up and finally act against this boy?

I really need any help that any one can offer . Thanks if you have read this far.

CGM x

OP posts:
SparklePrincess · 17/11/2007 19:57

A child from our school recently transfered to Claremont. Its a lovely school.
When I looked around (a few years ago now) the taxi driver taking us home told us it he haggled with them over the fees. Dont ask dont get I suppose. Its worth a try. I know Charters Ancaster are flexible when it comes to their fees.
Look forward to hearing how it goes.

Emprexia · 18/11/2007 20:21

Was talking to my Aunt today, she's a teacher in Birmingham.
She suggested you report Headmaster to LEA.

Merlin · 18/11/2007 20:43

CGM - how absolutely horrible for your DS and you to have to go through this.

I have a friend whose DS had some probs with a boy at his school which culminated in an apple being thrown at him which broke his brace and possibly has caused long term damage to his teeth and jaw (he is awaiting more corrective surgery for a cleft palate), but because the Head was useless at sorting things out his Dad went straight to the police who took it all extremely seriously, contacted the parents, had the boy down to the station, questioned and severely reprimanded and I believe is now excluded from the school. Also has some sort of short term police record I understand.

So, even if your DS moves to another school, I would make a complaint to the police about this boy if your DS is willing to make a statement. The boy may just start picking on someone else and if he has 'issues' they need to be sorted.

Good luck with whatever you do.

underwire · 18/11/2007 20:51

CGM, what an absolute nightmare for you. Am and appalled at the attitude of the head. Yes, the boy may have issues, but is anyone actually dealing with them? His issues do not give the school the right to brush his behaviour under the carpet.
I really hope that you sort something out for your ds that will make him feel settled and safe again Good luck xx

SparklePrincess · 22/11/2007 19:13

How did the taster day go CGM?

CowsGoMoo · 23/11/2007 12:17

Hi Sparkleprincess and all other brill MN's!
My son had a super day at Claremont, he had 3 tests to undertake (non VR, Maths and reading - best bit of that is he didn't even know he was doing them so was not at all stressed) he had a french lesson, art, maths, pe, music. and loved the day! I had a meeting with the principal after the day and he has offered my ds a place. He was so animated that evening telling me all about the french lesson and how he got to put his pot into the kiln in art!

So.... he will be leaving his current school at the end of this term and will start at Claremont after Christmas. I am so happy to see my Ds again and not the unhappy little boy who has been with us for the past few months.

Also finally got a response from the school governors who do not think that the head has acted in a poor manner regarding the bullying and are behind him with the actions he has taken(?) regarding protecting my son. WTF? (sorry about abrev language!) what actions???? Im still waiting to hear back from LEA.

Thanks everyone once again for all your help, advice and great links to sites, sadly his school were not willing to seek a proper resolution to the boys bullying and although I will keep my action with Lewes up, I am so glad that my lovely 8 y.o son was glimpsed again recently!

I know that bullying does occur everywhere, but the schools total lack of action and protection of this bully has resulted in me moving my son. I also know that this child will now move onto another victim and I do feel so sorry for him/her and their family. The schools anti bullying policy stinks and imo the head has let my son down and all the other children who are suffering at the school.

Hugs to anyone whose child is going through bullying.

CGM x

OP posts:
idlingabout · 23/11/2007 19:29

So glad to hear you have your son back!
Absolutely appalled by the response from the governors. They are laying themselves wide open to accusations of 'protecting their own'. Good luck with the L.E.A. etc.

SparklePrincess · 24/11/2007 10:55

Glad to hear ds had a super day at Claremont. I knew he would.
I suppose the governors reaction was to be expected really considering one of them is the bullys mum.
Just got to get through the final few weeks now & then goodbye LR forever.

Freckle · 24/11/2007 11:10

So glad to hear that he had a good day and is looking forward to starting at his new school.

Appalled by the school's response, but, sadly, not surprised. Do follow it up with the LEA though. When we pulled DS1 out of school because the school failed to deal with the bullying, the LEA were very interested in our reasons and assured us that they would be pursuing the matter. The school now has a much better anti-bullying policy and the head took early retirement (cause and effect??). New head and much more proactive on the bullying front - DS2 and DS3 stayed at the school after we removed DS1.

idlingabout · 24/11/2007 17:19

Just wanted to add that it is shocking to see how many people have ended up moving their child as the victim whilst the bully stays put. I have a friend in a similar situation too. It is totally ridiculous that the bullies are not removed/excluded. Chatting to another friend who is a school governor, she told me that often schools hope that the victim's family will move them as that makes things easier for them - the 'problem' goes away and they don't have to deal with the unreasonable parents of the bully.It seems that schools are blaming the victim for being a victim ffs. I think there should be zero tolerance on bullying; whilst there may be reasons as to why a particular child is bullying , these should never be used as an EXCUSE for their behaviour because then the victim never gets a fair deal.

tallulah · 24/11/2007 17:24

The education minister was on the radio the other week talking about weeding out ineffective Heads. I'm sure they would be very interested in your experience. I can't believe that after everything your poor DS has been through the Governors are doing nothing

Glad he had a lovely day at his new school.

SparklePrincess · 24/11/2007 20:53

I too am amazed at how many people move their dc because of bullying. My dd`s best friend left our school recently because of bullying that had been going on, on & off since reception. One of her parents was a Governor at the school too, but it was still not dealt with effectively.

LOVEMYMUM · 25/11/2007 07:18

Am pleased you have found schooling for your son. Am 26 weeks pregnant and already feel "you mess with my child, you mess with me". I would find it very hard not to confront the bullies mother. NB. It seems that something is going on with that nasty little boy - not normal behaviour at all for an 8 year old!!!

Eliza2 · 25/11/2007 19:42

You're well out of it. I'm glad you've found a place elsewhere.

webchick · 25/11/2007 19:46

Hi CGM,

I am glad you son will be starting another school in Jan. If I were you, get a friend with an anonymous accent to call up the school and pretend to be a journalist/reporter and ask him about the schools anti-bullying policy - say she read about the school in the weekend newspapers but dont divulge which. Then ask how many bullying incidents have been reported this term......list a few awkward questions and see how he reacts. Also, ask for the minutes from the most recent Governors meeting and see what they discussed.

Heated · 25/11/2007 20:07

So glad your ds loved his new school, it sounds lovely .

No surprise with the governors, they usually side with the head.

Please do still complain to the LEA, so they don't just think you are a problem gone away and because there will be other children who this bully will go after, who don't have parents like you.

This should help:

local.direct.gov.uk/LDGRedirect/index.jsp?LGSL=630&LGIL=8&ServiceName=Find+out+how+t o+complain+about+a+school

and Secretary of State for Education and Skills Ombudsman via:

Department for Children, Schools and Families
Sanctuary Buildings
Great Smith Street
London
SW1P 3BT

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 25/11/2007 20:09

I'm glad he's settled in another school but it's not fair that you're paying through the nose for it.

webchick · 25/11/2007 21:10

Every letter you write to the LEA, Ofsted, local MP and DCSF cc the letter to the headmaster and chairman of the Governors - that way they have a record of your paperwork and therefore cannot know the problem will go away. I admire your solid stance on this issue.

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