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Advice please - My DS has been bullied since Sept '06 and I need this sorted ASAP as he is getting death threats now- He is 8

143 replies

CowsGoMoo · 08/11/2007 11:51

Hi All, sorry this may be a long post... My DS is in a school where there are 2 forms to each school year and was happy, settled etc until Sept 06 when the school decided to move some of the children around in the 2 classes to even out the number of naughty children as my sons class seemed to be the better of the two. Since then we have had a lot of bullying from this one particular boy who the head has told me has 'issues'.

My Ds has suffered from being kicked,dragged around by his head, punched, pushed, resulting in bruises on his back where he has been kicked while they have had story time sitting on the carpet, bruises on his arm where this boy has held him too tight and times when he has been alone during breaks, as the boy takes his 'best' friend away from him.This boy is over a head taller than my ds and is quite intimidating.

I initially spoke to his class teacher and she told my son to move away from the boy, esp during carpet time but the kicking continued, my ds would move away from him but he would just shuffle close enough to him to hurt him again. I spoke to the teacher 5 times before going higher up the school and having meetings with the head.

It was him that told me that the child has issues and for my ds to tell a member of staff anytime something happened, he started doing this but the staff have repeatedly told him to go away and make friends with this boy and to play nicely!

This September my ds returns to school but the bullying has taken on a different form, lots of name calling still, kicking, punching etc, but recently he stabbed my son in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil, which my DH spoke to the head about and yet again all was mentioned was this childs issues, nothing regarding my sons issues of being bullied, He was last week told to P@** off by this boy (he is only 8!) and this is language my ds does not hear at home, and this week he has started to threaten to kill my son.

On tuesday my Ds returned from school clearly upset and told me after lots of persuasion that this boy said he is going to strangle my ds until he is dead and if he doesnt die he will cut his throat, the same threat was made again yesterday as well as my son being kicked.

I have discovered in the last week that not only is this boys mother a TA in the school but also a school governor. I have another appt with the head tomorrow and am so upset and angry as this child has never been told off etc and Im wondering if this is because his mum is a governor etc.

I have looked at removing my son from this school and have spoken to the other primary in our area, however there is a waiting list for a space in his year group and the likelihood is I wont get him in ever (he is in year 4)
I have even spoken to the local Prep school, who do have a space and I have visited it and it looks wonderful but will cost £2200 per term, money we dont really have but will find if necc as this is really affecting my son, family, all of us now and the death threats bit is petrifying me. My son is getting issues now over attending school and regularly cries now about attending school, esp after our latest half term.

I have been informed that if the child stabs him again etc I can get a criminal assault case against his parents and have also been told that the school is failing in its approach to the child protection act towards my son and I will be mentioning this tom at my appt, but does anyone else know of anything else I can throw at the school to make them sit up and finally act against this boy?

I really need any help that any one can offer . Thanks if you have read this far.

CGM x

OP posts:
KerryMum · 09/11/2007 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 09/11/2007 00:07

as many here have said, your school has a duty of care that they seem to be failing.

How awful for you and your DS.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow, and I will try to point wrinklygran (my mum) to this thread. She is a governor and ex teacher and general know it all about all school stuff.

good luck

Freckle · 09/11/2007 04:58

We pulled DS1 out of school in Y6 because the school failed to protect him from bullies. Pulling him out of school set in motion a number of actions which would never have taken place had we left him there. Not least that the school lost a lot of future pupils because word got round that the school didn't deal with bullies.

If you write to the governors, only address it to the Chair, otherwise the other governors cannot deal with the matter. Contact, in writing, the LEA and explain why you have withdrawn your child from the school, detailing what this other boy has done and what, i.e. nothing, the school has done about it.

Also contact Kidscape who have a lot of useful materials for parents, victims of bullying and schools. They also run Zapp courses for victims of bullying which are really good. DS1 attended one of these and it really helped his self-confidence and enabled him to see that he wasn't the problem. I told the head of the primary school about the course and he later involved Kidscape in the redrafting of the school's anti-bullying policy.

Another important point is your ds' perception of you as his protector. If you take positive and forceful steps to protect him, it will have a profound effect on his self-esteem. DS1 still tells me that, because I went into the school and fought for him, and pulled him out because the school failed to act, he knows how much I love him and that I'll always be there for him. He is now in Y9 at secondary school and is doing really well. Although some low-level bullying goes on (as it probably does at all schools and his is an all-boys school), he is much better at dealing with it and shrugging it off.

Your poor ds. What a dreadful experience for him. I do hope you can take steps to force the school to deal with the other child.

Buda · 09/11/2007 06:10

How horrendous for all of you. The other 'boy' sounds an absolute nightmare.

Good luck with your meeting this morning. With all this ammunition the Head CANNOT continue to bury his head in the sand surely? And if he does then he needs sacking.

And well done for not doing what I would be sorely tempted to do and that is get the little shit either on his own or more preferably in front of his little gang of friends and get him by the neck and threaten him with all sorts.

Bewilderbeast · 09/11/2007 08:55

Good luck this morning CGM, I hope it goes well.

ibroughtcake · 09/11/2007 09:04

Just read this whole thing through, good luck with your meeting this morning

How awful

yaddayah · 09/11/2007 09:16

Just echo'ing I hope you have a positive meeting this morning (also just read through OP openmouthed)

tribpot · 09/11/2007 09:21

Also can't believe the school can act this way. Your poor ds. and

peanutbear · 09/11/2007 09:30

I hope all is going in your favour this morning I read your OP with horror, I only hope the Head sees his responsibility in all this if he had acted sooner this wouldnt have been able to get this far

thinking of you

foxythesnowman · 09/11/2007 09:33

I just wanted to say good luck in your meeting. Have read this thread and am outraged for you and your son. There's a lot of great advice here, and you sound like you are handling it very well and doing all the right things.

Good luck

HonoriaGlossop · 09/11/2007 09:36

I too am really hoping things are positive this morning. I just wanted to say well done to you for pulling your son out; the Head will sit up and listen, knowing that a pupil is at home because of this. If the child is in the classroom he can carry on fooling himself that it's not as bad as all that, etc.

I totally agree with Freckle that pulling your son out, and showing him that you are going to the Head and dealing with it for him, is THE best thing you could ever do for your son. Freckle is so right about it really being so good for his self esteem, and he will take so much from the fact that he knows you will act to protect him.

You have done a brilliant thing, well done!!!

TinyGang · 09/11/2007 09:40

Unbelievable! Your OP...well, I'm speechless.

I would throw everything helpfully mentioned on this thread at them over this. Everything.

The Headteacher needs to consider his position or the LEA needs to consider it for him. And yes I'd certainly involve the police and possibly the press too

Doodledootoo · 09/11/2007 09:43

Message withdrawn

SSSandy2 · 09/11/2007 09:53

Well done, I know it is a pain to have to do all this but you are doing it for your ds and I think you're tackling it very well. Good luck with everything.

Piffle · 09/11/2007 10:50

CGM hoping beyond hope something good comes out of this meeting

Enid · 09/11/2007 10:53

You sound like a truly fantastic mum. Good luck with everything.

LadyMuck · 09/11/2007 13:51

How did your meeting go?

Doodledootoo · 09/11/2007 14:27

Message withdrawn

deegward · 09/11/2007 14:30

I keep waiting for news,.. none yet then?

littlelong1 · 09/11/2007 14:44

How is the good fight going? a letter of complaint against school is a good thing in this type of case - no school wants a bad rep, esp not cos of bullies....

I felt for you when read your msge

Eve · 09/11/2007 17:52

my sympathies.

I have a similiar situation with my son...though no-where near the scale of yours.

Basically a child with temper and behaviours issues, is jealous of my son and got it in for him. There was an incident in the classroom this week and my son was punched a few times. This is in yr 4.

The head phoned me to ask me does my son tease the other child...

SparklePrincess · 09/11/2007 19:51

You live in St Leonards dont you CGM? There are loads of schools there. There must be somewhere with space for your ds in the area. My dd used to go to Silverdale before we moved away (for better schools if im honest) & I know lots of people with kids there who are happy with it. Its certainly one of the better schools in the area. I also liked Christ Church very much. My nephew is at Elphinstone & seems happy enough, but I wouldnt touch it with a bargepole. What about Battle & Langton, Westfield, Guestling Bradshaw, Crowhurst or one of the Bexhill primaries if you want to steer clear of local options? Charters Ancaster in Bexhill is a very reasonably priced prep which would definitely have space for your ds. They also run a very cheap bus service from St leonards.
Hope you manage to sort something out soon. What a terrible situation to be in.

janeite · 09/11/2007 20:01

I disagree with the posters who have told you to take him out immediately, I'm afraid. I don't think it would shock the head into action; rather I just think it would prompt a "phew, now I don't have to do anything" reaction and the bully will just choose a new victim. Instead I agree with the advice to keep a log and to send that log to the LEA.

Stretching to Private school seems a bit of a big step before contacting the local authority or investigating other schools in the area, if it wouldn't be easy for you to meet the payments. Many schools could be good, even if they don't appear so at first sight / on paper.

Good luck - your poor ds should not have to put up with this and the Head should have to face up to things.

HonoriaGlossop · 09/11/2007 22:26

But the OP has investigated the other local school, it already has 34 in a class apparently and there is little chance of her ds getting a place.

And I do have to disagree - the Head has had many, many chances to do right by this boy and has had the 'I don't have to do anything' attitude. I think the OP really has to assume that she might get a different reaction by bringing her ds out as a withdrawal of her consent to this bullying continuing.

and that is the main issue - from the child's point of view, what the OP has done is show the child that he is worth more than being sent in every day to put up with bullying.

Freckle · 09/11/2007 22:40

If you pull a child out of school and inform the LEA, they do investigate and look into the situation. The head cannot just put his head in the sand and hope the whole thing will go away now the victim is no longer present.