Advice please - My DS has been bullied since Sept '06 and I need this sorted ASAP as he is getting death threats now- He is 8

[CowsGoMoo]

Hi All, sorry this may be a long post... My DS is in a school where there are 2 forms to each school year and was happy, settled etc until Sept 06 when the school decided to move some of the children around in the 2 classes to even out the number of naughty children as my sons class seemed to be the better of the two. Since then we have had a lot of bullying from this one particular boy who the head has told me has 'issues'.

My Ds has suffered from being kicked,dragged around by his head, punched, pushed, resulting in bruises on his back where he has been kicked while they have had story time sitting on the carpet, bruises on his arm where this boy has held him too tight and times when he has been alone during breaks, as the boy takes his 'best' friend away from him.This boy is over a head taller than my ds and is quite intimidating.

I initially spoke to his class teacher and she told my son to move away from the boy, esp during carpet time but the kicking continued, my ds would move away from him but he would just shuffle close enough to him to hurt him again. I spoke to the teacher 5 times before going higher up the school and having meetings with the head.

It was him that told me that the child has issues and for my ds to tell a member of staff anytime something happened, he started doing this but the staff have repeatedly told him to go away and make friends with this boy and to play nicely!

This September my ds returns to school but the bullying has taken on a different form, lots of name calling still, kicking, punching etc, but recently he stabbed my son in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil, which my DH spoke to the head about and yet again all was mentioned was this childs issues, nothing regarding my sons issues of being bullied, He was last week told to P@** off by this boy (he is only 8!) and this is language my ds does not hear at home, and this week he has started to threaten to kill my son.

On tuesday my Ds returned from school clearly upset and told me after lots of persuasion that this boy said he is going to strangle my ds until he is dead and if he doesnt die he will cut his throat, the same threat was made again yesterday as well as my son being kicked.

I have discovered in the last week that not only is this boys mother a TA in the school but also a school governor. I have another appt with the head tomorrow and am so upset and angry as this child has never been told off etc and Im wondering if this is because his mum is a governor etc.

I have looked at removing my son from this school and have spoken to the other primary in our area, however there is a waiting list for a space in his year group and the likelihood is I wont get him in ever (he is in year 4)
I have even spoken to the local Prep school, who do have a space and I have visited it and it looks wonderful but will cost £2200 per term, money we dont really have but will find if necc as this is really affecting my son, family, all of us now and the death threats bit is petrifying me. My son is getting issues now over attending school and regularly cries now about attending school, esp after our latest half term.

I have been informed that if the child stabs him again etc I can get a criminal assault case against his parents and have also been told that the school is failing in its approach to the child protection act towards my son and I will be mentioning this tom at my appt, but does anyone else know of anything else I can throw at the school to make them sit up and finally act against this boy?

I really need any help that any one can offer . Thanks if you have read this far.

CGM x

Bloodyhellfire!

Is it just your DS and this boy involved? Could your DS be moved to the other form?

That sounds terrible, if you have an appointment with the school, you will need a copy of their anti bullying policy. Go through it, write down all the points that they have not addressed. And make a list of all the points that you want them to implement. Be quite firm and prepared, that way they are more likely to take you seriously.
Good luck, and with regard to any procedures they haven't carried out, don't be afraid to point this out and use the ofsted word if you need to.

How awful for you and your DS. I have no advice for you but am bumping for someone who does.

That is appalling. Absolutely appalling that nothing has been done.
Is there someone at the local council that deals with bullying? Could you speak to the head teacher saying that if this issue is not resolved, you will take it to the LEA. Write a fierce letter, CC'ing the Governors (awkward as parent is on governors, but needs must and all that).
Am shocked that nothing has been done about this. Outraged on your behalf.
Why on earth should you have to pay for education as a result of the failing of this school in dealing appropriately with this kind of abuse.
Police? Would they get involved??

I cannot stress enough that you need to get hold of a copy of their anti bullying policy, this spells out their obligations to any child that suffers bullying. They cannot wave you away with a 'but he's a troubled child' crap.

What a terrible situation.

Does the local prep school have a financial aid/bursary program you might qualify for? Many do, and it's definitely worth pursuing in your situation.

I'm Sorry I think you need to act quickly and swiftly. Your Child needs protecting from this. Not just the phyical side of bully has effects and it is starting to sound like your DC is deleveloping the first stages of school refusal.

I would personally book a telephone appointment with the head and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are temporarliy removing your son from the school and you would like all the class work assignments / home for the next week. YOu then need to book an appointment to go and see the head preferably with your DP. Make certain that you do not take your DC to the school with you to the school.

Then go through their anit bulling policy point by point. raise your concern re the fact that this child with issues is not being punished because his mother is very activite in the PTA etc.

YOu need to protect your DC from this it can leave very deep scars, I'm sure you have been by the way and I am not trying to have ago at you. But I think bulling is suprising tollerated as a fact of life in school. If people acted like this at work it would not be tollerated.

This is shocking. There is a link below that you might find helpful.

In essence though, as rantinghousewife says, the school is obliged to have a written anti-bullying policy which should be compatible with Department for Education standards. They are legally obliged to follow this policy under the 1998 School Standards Act. You should absolutely get hold of a copy of this (which they are obliged to give you) and write a letter/ short document outlining where they are failing to meet this policy. Personally, I'd take this in person to the headteacher to discuss and send a copy to the school governors. If after this, he still takes no meaningful action you can initiate a formal complaint for the school governors (and then the LEA if necessary) to act upon. Ultimately, should all else fail, you have recourse to the Department for Education and the Local Government Ombudsman.

This all sounds rather hectic and legal I know BUT from what you say though it sounds like either (a) the headteacher is burying his head in the sand and hoping it will go away or (b) being influenced to some extent by the other kid's mother. Taking it seriously yourself, indicating that you know yours and your child's rights plus indicating that you are willing to escalate it as necessary above his and the governor's heads is very likely to get a more helpful response.

In the meantime, if it was me I'd ask if I could speak with the other parents, possibly arrange to meet with them and their son (not yours) and kick the living crap out of their kid, oops, sorry I mean of course try to talk them about the situation at school to try and ameliorate things whilst the more formal process is going on. That's just me though. Hope this helps.

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/shared_asp_files/uploadedfiles/{97C998B2-0A20-4781-908D-E940DB9C182D_29275%20Legal%20Guide%20final.pdf}

Get your ds out of the school NOW
Phone the LEA and demand that this other child be dealt with - this is not something an 8 yr old should be having done to him, nor is it normal for another child to want to do that to him
I have taken my ds out for far far less on the bullying scale
Teh school MUST by law keep your child safe and this means having an effective FAIR and firm anti bullying policy

I would phone the police
They can't do much as the child is under the legal age of criminal responsibility, but if you talk it through with them they may be willing to go and talk to both the parents and the headmaster. This is more likely to produce results than anything else. Make sure you emphasise the specific threats of violence that you've outlined here.
Sounds horrendous

If the police won't do anything, and in fact even if they do, I would also write an excoriating but very clear and succinct letter to the Head of the Governors, The Headmaster and the LEA (needs to be all in writing), setting out what this child has done, what he has now said, all the complaints you have made, and what actions (ie 9/10ths of bugger all) the school has done to deal with this. Make sure you point out that they have a duty of care to keep your child safe from physical and emotional harm, that they are in breach of that duty of care, and you will have no compunction whatsoever in taking action against them if they do not start meeting their obligations. That ought to do it.

Your poor DS . You've had lots of advice so far, but just wanted to echo that you should remove your child from the school until the school is prepared to deal with the situation, his mum being a governor or no.

My DSs school has a strict no bullying policy and this child would be being dealt with appropriately for his behaviour, including being kept separate at lunchtime/break etc.

i hope you get things resolved soon.

This is appalling. I am a teacher and I am just outraged that this is being allowed to happen. The child needs to be dealt with. Make an urgent appointment to speak to the Head today. That the bully is the child of a Governor is immaterial. All children have the right to an education in a safe and protected environment. Please keep us informed.

This sounds truly awful.
The Head sounds as though he hasn't got a handle on the situation at all.

Whilst you are waiting for the appointment with the head document as precisely as you can every incident, every meeting with teachers etc. When you go to see the head you really need to stay calm and focused and a concise list of facts will help you enormously.

Could you DS be moved across to the other year group in the meantime?

Take Piffles advice. Get him out NOW! Refuse to let him return until it has been resolved. Don't wait for something else to happen. He needs to be kept safe.

Also write a list of what has happened and when - the list needs to cover 2 areas (i) the bullying incidents and (ii) each of the conversations you have had with the school. Show this to the head - it sounds as if the list will be a long one and may finally make them sit up, especially if you have also gone to the police.

I agree, get him out now and then tackle the issue. Is it possible for you to keep him at home until the school has put some kind of strategy in place?

I took my dd out of her school for bullying with less reason and I didn't regret getting her out of that environment for one second. Her personality changed at that school and they were as useless and disinterested as your school sounds. Just a waste of time.

She said the other night, mum, do you know when I was at that school I felt like this inside and drew a and at my new school I feel like this and drew a , I love it there.

Maybe if you went to see that other school that didn't have a place, telling them your child is at home now and has no school, etc perhaps they'll be able to help you in some way. Or even consider the independent school for a term or so until an affordable place becomes available? They can cope with being moved about much better than with being bullied.

Any dealings with your school, please put down in writing.

Message withdrawn

To be honest I would remove him and home educate or find the money for the prep school (given that your post makes it sound as if it is possible to find the money by stretching your budget and going without things).

You can fight with the school, etc., and may even win in the end as you are so blatantly in the right, but I would want him out of there NOW.

It's also really important that you do not allow your son to be disadvantaged in any way by these incidents.

For example, no not let them move him, nor should he be kept in at breaks to keep him away from his abuser. The other boy is the problem, not your son. There is no way he should have his education further disrupted to accommodate this child. This sort of victim punishing is quite insidious and fairly common.

This boy has already had a powerful message sent to him by the school. He can do what he wants without any fear of consequences. The escalation of the abuse is evidence of this. You should not have to wait until he has been assulted again before taking legal action, that is just ridiculous. Would you have to wait until you were burgled twice before you got the police involved?

Go in all guns blazing. You've given them ample opportunity to deal with this and all they have done is expose your son to escalating levels of abuse and danger.

Takw him out now. Never mind the other boy's "issues", your son has the right not to be bullied and physically assaulted.
This boy looks like one of those you read about where "Lessons will be learned" (like the recent shootings etc)

I wouldn't take hime out, this just reiterates to the abuser that he can get away with anything. Another child will probably be bullied in his place.

See the headmaster tomorrow, quote the buzz phrase "Every Child Matters" and insist the bully is put in isolation.

You see, I wouldn't put my son through more of this hell for the sake of showing the abuser he can't get away with it or of stopping another child being bullied. In theory I can appreciate and applaud that point of view, but in practice? Not with my child's welfare.

I'd go a little further than slugs very good point of "what message does the failure to act give to the bully? gives him carte blanche" and say "what message does the failure to act give you your son? makes him feel he isn't worth protecting and adds to his feelings of insecurity and worthlessness"

This is a really sad and serious thing and I'd urge you to show your son how HUGELY worth protecting he is by doing everything that you can. I think for that reason alone I would be tempted to keep him out of school until it is sorted, although I would worry that by doing so I would be reducing the impetus on the school to act. It is a tricky one.

Message withdrawn

Agree with crumpet, note all incidences and conversations.

Agree with Slug - all guns blazing and 'Every child matters' etc.

Your son has the right to an education without intimidation.

NB Prep school may not be the answer, my DD has been horribly bullied at pre-prep. This Independent school do not (imho) deal with bullying well. I was told if I wasn't happy I could look for another school (in not so many words)- they have you over a barrel, all local good and prep schools full.