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Advice please - My DS has been bullied since Sept '06 and I need this sorted ASAP as he is getting death threats now- He is 8

143 replies

CowsGoMoo · 08/11/2007 11:51

Hi All, sorry this may be a long post... My DS is in a school where there are 2 forms to each school year and was happy, settled etc until Sept 06 when the school decided to move some of the children around in the 2 classes to even out the number of naughty children as my sons class seemed to be the better of the two. Since then we have had a lot of bullying from this one particular boy who the head has told me has 'issues'.

My Ds has suffered from being kicked,dragged around by his head, punched, pushed, resulting in bruises on his back where he has been kicked while they have had story time sitting on the carpet, bruises on his arm where this boy has held him too tight and times when he has been alone during breaks, as the boy takes his 'best' friend away from him.This boy is over a head taller than my ds and is quite intimidating.

I initially spoke to his class teacher and she told my son to move away from the boy, esp during carpet time but the kicking continued, my ds would move away from him but he would just shuffle close enough to him to hurt him again. I spoke to the teacher 5 times before going higher up the school and having meetings with the head.

It was him that told me that the child has issues and for my ds to tell a member of staff anytime something happened, he started doing this but the staff have repeatedly told him to go away and make friends with this boy and to play nicely!

This September my ds returns to school but the bullying has taken on a different form, lots of name calling still, kicking, punching etc, but recently he stabbed my son in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil, which my DH spoke to the head about and yet again all was mentioned was this childs issues, nothing regarding my sons issues of being bullied, He was last week told to P@** off by this boy (he is only 8!) and this is language my ds does not hear at home, and this week he has started to threaten to kill my son.

On tuesday my Ds returned from school clearly upset and told me after lots of persuasion that this boy said he is going to strangle my ds until he is dead and if he doesnt die he will cut his throat, the same threat was made again yesterday as well as my son being kicked.

I have discovered in the last week that not only is this boys mother a TA in the school but also a school governor. I have another appt with the head tomorrow and am so upset and angry as this child has never been told off etc and Im wondering if this is because his mum is a governor etc.

I have looked at removing my son from this school and have spoken to the other primary in our area, however there is a waiting list for a space in his year group and the likelihood is I wont get him in ever (he is in year 4)
I have even spoken to the local Prep school, who do have a space and I have visited it and it looks wonderful but will cost £2200 per term, money we dont really have but will find if necc as this is really affecting my son, family, all of us now and the death threats bit is petrifying me. My son is getting issues now over attending school and regularly cries now about attending school, esp after our latest half term.

I have been informed that if the child stabs him again etc I can get a criminal assault case against his parents and have also been told that the school is failing in its approach to the child protection act towards my son and I will be mentioning this tom at my appt, but does anyone else know of anything else I can throw at the school to make them sit up and finally act against this boy?

I really need any help that any one can offer . Thanks if you have read this far.

CGM x

OP posts:
Eliza2 · 11/11/2007 17:28

What a dope that head is.

I know you shouldn't HAVE to go private but in your situation I would, too.

ElenyaTuesday · 11/11/2007 17:33

This is one of the most shocking things I have read in a long time. My heart goes out to you, CGM, and your poor ds. I hope he loves the Prep school but I second the suggestions that you contact the local paper and shame the school and the HT.

AitchTwoOh · 11/11/2007 17:33

i don't think it's fair you should have to go private here... how awful this situation is.

bubblepop · 11/11/2007 17:34

hiya, sorry havnt read everyone elses replies.
having 2 sons myself a similar age,one of whom has been bullied to a similar extent, i know how you must be feeling. you must, complain, complain , and complain. you must ask the head exactly what he/she is doing to sort out this awful situation.start to keep a log of any incidences, and go in daily to speak with head if its happening daily. ask the class teacher to remove your child from sitting anywhere near this child in class. ask the head what measures they are taking to prevent this from happening. are they watching them at breaks/lunch times? this is usually when bullying happens the worst. if they don't take measures to control the situation, i think you would normally approach the school governers..even if this child has a parent governer there will be others who you can approach,if not then i think you should contact the local education authority and tell them your concerns. good luck

HonoriaGlossop · 11/11/2007 17:45

I do understand why the Head wouldn't have a meeting between you and the other boy's parents; nothing constructive could come of that, because they would feel so defensive; it wouldn't be a good position to put you, or the other parents in. However that doesn't mean he doesn't have an obligation to do anything, he should long ago have had a meeting (or meetings!) himself with the other boy and his parents.

However not having a meeting with all of you is the only thing he's done right in this whole scenario. He lacks any understanding of the reality of the situation - he seems to be unable to grasp it, doesn't he; very, very strange.

I just wanted to say well done, your ds will have learned a brilliant lesson about how much he is valued and supported by his parents; his self esteem will be sky high as a result I'm sure. i think he's a lucky boy to have such committed parents. Good luck.

suedonim · 11/11/2007 20:00

at the response from the head. Or maybe I should say 'lack of'. To me, he's as good as condoning bullying.

idlingabout · 11/11/2007 20:50

I feel so,so sorry for your ds - that he has been let down so terribly by this imbecile of a 'head'.
I too recommend going for every avenue of complaint available to you. If the head continues to fail you then I agree that the local paper would love to hear your story - especially the somewhat suspicious angle about the bully being the son of a governor.
You should take heart from all the support you have got on here - nobody has even come close to supporting the head for sympathising with the parents of the bully with so-called 'issues' and rightly so.
Good luck with it all and well done you for supporting your son so well - I'll bet he thinks you are the best mum in the world.

Yummers · 11/11/2007 20:59

Go to the school and sit outside the headteacher's office until he/she excludes this child. this is unnacceptable. don't put up with it under any circumstances.

spottyshoes · 11/11/2007 21:08

OMG This is horrendus!!!!! The LEA have a responsibility to find an appropriate placement for your ds. You might have contacted your local schools who said they are full but the LEA often have secret places put aside for emergencies - well they do in our area - and can cross the red tape where you cant. You should NOT have to pull your ds out of his school and pay for a private education because of this little shit!

You've played it very nicely and politely so far, start demanding and start threatening. I dont know about where you are but our local paper and MP are always very interested to hear these stories. You might not be able to name the kid but the PTA mom and the headmaster are open game.......

So on your behalf. An my heart goes out to your ds

spottyshoes · 11/11/2007 21:10

Just basically repeated what reent posts said - sorry, took me ages to write whilst seeing to a baby

Heated · 11/11/2007 21:15

Even the teachers on here - of whom I am one - are so disappointed by your ds' headteacher. It makes me feel embarrassed that you now (rightly) think badly of a profession that should have cared for your son's well-being.

Definitely complain through all the channels suggested. I completely understand your wish not to let your son return to this school led by this weak man, but don't allow your ds' moving to another school let them off the hook.

If you are resolved to go the private ed route then fine, but would it be worth seeing what alternative school the LEA offer?

Heated · 11/11/2007 21:16

Will be looking out for you on GMTV!

SparklePrincess · 11/11/2007 21:18

Funny how schools change. LR used to be "the school" parents fought to get their children into a few years ago but its gone way downhill (especially since the old head left) My old neighbours kids went/go to LR & one was bullied endlessly there, the other was allowed to run riot. I used to live next door to St leonards C of E. I was shocked to hear about it going into special measures. I thought the new head teacher might improve things. The old one was so terrible I didnt think anyone could do a worse job. I hated the fact that I had to drive across town every day when I had a school at the end of my garden. It also has a bad reputation for bullying. I can totally understand why you dont want your ds to go there. (Or Hollington)
Have you tried Westfield? Or if youre prepared (or have time) to come out a bit further village schools are usually more flexible. Netherfield is supposed to be quite good & Little Common in Bexhill. We actually commuted from st leonards to just outside Heathfield for a term before we even moved here. As long as a school has space they will admit regardless of where you live.
Good luck at Battle Abbey, its lovely, but I personally prefer Claremont. Charters Ancaster would be a good affordable option. I went to see them recently about my yr 2 child & they also had a space for my yr 4. I think the class size is around 10 or 11, so could be just what your ds needs right now.
I dont mind naming & shaming the school if you want. Im sure MN would only remove the offending post & nothing else. Anyone from the area would know where you mean anyway though.
Good luck on monday.

eucalyptus · 11/11/2007 21:42

Have been following this and it is appalling. Is this the person in question?

Piffle · 11/11/2007 22:44

GGM - admirable at your placing your sons safeyl and needs so highly
I did take my son out as well but fortunately this forced the school to sort things out and although ds1 was never over awd with friends - he was safe and able to participate withour fear.

i wish you well with your new school choices

Demandingmoremakoto · 12/11/2007 14:29

Thankyou CGM
LR I know what school that is
The contact address for M.F is here
and for Hastings Observer
Hope it helps DMM

Gizzy · 12/11/2007 15:22

I am so, so sorry that you and especially your DS have had to go through this trauma. Has the mother of this boy been made aware of what he's doing or is she being "protected". I can't believe a governor would want the stigma of people knowing she has a bully child and what example is SHE setting to allow it to continue. Also, how about threatening to go to a national newspaper/GMTV with the story? Can't believe the school would want that kind of bad publicity.

3littlefrogs · 14/11/2007 08:41

I am so glad you have taken your ds out. The head sounds just like the head of my ds's school. Her solution was for my son - the victim, to be kept in at lunchtime - as he was being beaten up in the playground on a daily basis. She told him that the other children didn't like him being "different" (he liked reading and tried to listen and do his work in lessons). She as much as said that if he would dumb down, he wouldn't get picked on.

Once he was out of the school he never looked back.

These people have no business being in charge of a school. Yet the system keeps them in post, and everyone in authority colludes with it.

lisbet · 14/11/2007 09:04

There are lots of things you can change about a school,but attitude isn't one of them. This school that your child attended sounds as though it has serious problems! Not only was your son not being protected,but they are not addressing the bully. With the behaviour he is exhibiting he should have been referred to the Educational Psychologist - he obviously has serious problems that the school cannot cope with. It is appalling that your child was told to 'go and be friends and play nicely.' Better even to educate at home until you find a place that suits your child. Good Luck!

sb6699 · 14/11/2007 09:34

Have been following this thread and its made me furious to think this idle head is sitting on his backside making apparently no effort to protect your DS from this little

You need to make him aware that you are taking this matter further and tell him he should be hearing from the LEA and OFSTED shortly and if he wants to keep his bloody job he better start doing something proactive to put an end to this situation.

Your local MP will be only too happy to help and a wee letter from him might jolt things into action as might a phone call from your local paper!

No more Mrs-Nice-Mommy, you have make sure this imbecile puts a stop to this bullying once and for all.

I would also take the advice of starting to mention the situation to other mums in the playground. If the childs mother seems to be doing nothing to quell his behaviour it might embarrass her enough to take some appropriate measures.

Even if you do put DS into private ed, do not let this school get away with doing nothing about such serious instances of abuse. If you do, the child (is this the correct phrase?) in question will only find another target.

clerkKent · 14/11/2007 13:07

My experience of bullying is that it never stops. I think it would be the right decision for your son to send him to another school - it will be months or years before the school reach a decision to exclude the bully. He will be seen as the one deserving special attention, and your son and you will be viewed by some people (such as the head) as the trouble-makers.

If you have the energy to continue the fight to make the school do the right thing even after you have moved your son, then good on you.

SparklePrincess · 15/11/2007 19:46

Hows it going CGM?

CowsGoMoo · 16/11/2007 19:25

Hi Sparkle, just a quicke as about to get kids into bed... We have a taster day at Claremont on Wed which I am looking forward to. Will comment more a bit later. Battle Abbey was lovely but took over 30mins in the morning to get there, totally unsuitable from that pov, but school looked great.

OP posts:
merryberry · 17/11/2007 16:04

how is your ds, now he's safe at home? xx

Beetroot · 17/11/2007 16:33

Please be careful about fining the school fees form you house - this is long term.