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Original poster

Help-angry with reception teacher

173 replies

angrymum · 18/09/2004 22:12

My ds started school this week.He is 4.5. Today I was talking to him about school and what he had been doing,and he got really upset and said that his name had been put on the " sad sun" whatever that is,because he had gone to the toilet without asking. He couldn't tell me any more details but I am SO angry I feel like I am going to explode.
As I said this is his first week, he has come from a nursery where they just went to the toilet when they wanted to-and I had explained that school was different and that he would have to ask-and more's to the point he hasn't found toilet training the easiest of things to conquer and I'm just relieved that he went to the loo instead of wetting himself.I can't believe he's been punished for this with some sort of public humiliation.
I feel I need to talk to the teacher about this, but not sure how to go about it.My initial reaction to her has been that I don't like her.She is very young and has just finished her newly qualified teacher year, and when I tried to talk to her earlier in the week, in a kind of " has ds been ok?" kind of way she just said, " yes, there's a parents evening next week " in a kind of dismissive, don't bother me way.I don't know whether to try and talk to her on monday or wait till thursday for parents evening.I feel like crying .
Any teachers out there that can advise me? Or more experienced mums? Wouldn't a gentle reminder have been enough??????

OP posts:

soapbox · 21/09/2004 15:49

Pixiefish - private schools are usually even worse. If you don't send your child to nursery (3+) then they won't get reception place etc etc etc.

They also tend to have assessments before getting in, so there is a panic to get them in at it is less likely to be spotted if they are behind the competition at 3, compared with at 4!

ks · 21/09/2004 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

soapbox · 21/09/2004 15:51

What also tends to work well is the split start. My friends DS is at a school where they start them in Sept or Jan depending on their age. Her DS had a class of 12 from Sept to Jan and then up to 28 in Jan. His year was unusual though I think there is normally a more even spread. Even so it makes it much easier for hte teacher to settle 12-15 pupils in at a time rather than a whole class.

Don't know why some schools do it and some schools don't!

tamum · 21/09/2004 15:53

I think it depends on the teacher though whether they like that system- my mother used to teach a class like that and she hated it, much preferred to get them all settled at one go. I can see why it might be preferable from the child's POV though.

aloha · 21/09/2004 15:53

Personally, I think there has been far more bashing of Angrymum than of teachers in general. She was, IMO justifiably, angry that her FOUR year old son, one week into school, was punished when he had done nothing naughty at all. I think that's reasonable and that the teacher concerned did something was wrong, insensitive and possibly damaging. Angrymum did not 'confront' the teacher, she did not shout at anyone, and she did not criticise teachers in general.

WideWebWitch · 21/09/2004 19:06

Quite aloha. (sorry, stalking you and agreeing with you tonight)

Cam · 21/09/2004 21:45

Really hope angrymum hasn't been put off posting.

Cam · 21/09/2004 21:45

Really hope angrymum hasn't been put off posting.

Cam · 21/09/2004 21:45

Really hope angrymum hasn't been put off posting.

Cam · 21/09/2004 21:45

Really hope angrymum hasn't been put off posting.

Cam · 21/09/2004 21:45

oops

yurtgirl · 21/09/2004 22:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster

angrymum · 22/09/2004 23:25

I haven't been put off posting.I hadn't re-visited this thread as, as I had previously said, I thought it was time for me to leave this issue alone.However, having read through some of the unpleasant and unsupportive messages that have been posted,I felt I should make a couple of things clear.
At no point in the whole week and a half that my son has been attending school,have I turned up at 9am DEMANDING to speak to the teacher over a trivial issue.At home time I have said a general " is everything ok" comment while picking ds up at the door of his class room.
On the day I raised this issue with the teacher, I asked in the morning if it would be ok if I had a chat with her in the afternoon, at home time.SHE said, " its ok what's the problem etc" the conversation lasted all of 3 to 4 minutes, and the children were all being supervised by the classroom assistant during the time.

My concerns may appear trivial to you all, but my children are the most precious things in my life and if something has happened to upset them, to the point of tears,then I will do my damndest to try and sort out the problem, as they are too young to do this for themselves.
At no other point and in no other circumstance would I be expected to give my child into the care of complete strangers, at such a tender age.I do not think it unreasonable to expect to be able to ask after their welfare.

I thought mumsnet was a site where parents could share their worries, however irrational.Perhaps this isn't the case.

Thank you to those of you who HAVE given some much needed support on this matter.

OP posts:

joanneg · 22/09/2004 23:31

angrymum - dont be put off posting. I think in your position I would have spoken to the teacher too.

jampot · 22/09/2004 23:39

angrymum - you can share your worries - I was exactly the same as you too. many people on here don't have kids of school age yet, whilst others like me its a while ago since our babies started school. I think popsycal (who advised me such a lot on SATS earlier in the year) and HMB and obviously all the other teachers feel their job is constantly being slated (obviously not them specifically as they don;t teach our kids), I guess its human nature to react to comments made. I think many of us would have done exactly the same. I personally think a week into school is a short length of time to grasp all the rules but I don;t work in a school so cant fully appreciate the problems that can be caused by lack of grasping the rules. Hopefully your ds is happier at school and by now the class will have all settled into their first year at school very happily.

Cam · 23/09/2004 09:38

Thanks for coming back to this thread angrymum - my 2 dd's are a grown-up (by first marriage) and now a 7 year old, but I haven't forgotten what it was like when they first started school and I agree with every word you say (and I would still feel that I could/should speak to dd2's teacher Yr3 if I felt it was necessary). Best wishes to your ds.

lou33 · 23/09/2004 09:43

I can completely understand why you feel so upset about it too. Of course you don't want your child in tears at school. You want to leave them knowing they are being cared for and happy and safe, and if any of those things don't feel right then you are entirely right to voice your concerns to the school. I hope things improve.

Angeliz · 23/09/2004 09:51

angrymum, i totally agree with everything you've said.
Hope you stay for a long time on mumsnet and you're right, it is a sight to air your worries however irrational. (FWIW though i DON'T think you were or are irrational, just a loving mam!).
My dd has been at nursery (but part of a School ) for a few weeks now and i'm exactly the same. I don't JUMP on the teachers but they are lovely and always willing to chat. If something upsets my dd then i want it sorted before she has another day there.
Anyway, subject close to my heart at the moment , just wanted you to know i'm behind you 100% and look forward to more posts

Jimjams · 23/09/2004 12:42

angrymum- I think you acted very appropriately- hope things continue to go OK.

A caring school want to kinow if children are upset etc anyway. I was called at 10am this morning to pick up my son as they said he was very out of sorts and crying a lot (he's year 1- but non-verbal autistic). He's not ill - eating lots, but very tired. They were certainly concerned about him.

I mentioned to his teacher that I'd like a home-school link book so that I could write in there if he's been up during the night/refused breakfast etc- and she thought that was a good idea and said it would be helpful really for any child. Good schools welcome communication with parents- especially in the case of very young children as it makes their job in the classroom a lot easier.....

I've spoken to ds1's new teacher almost every day- 9 times out of 10 she's approached me. We have a meeting after school tomorrow (her request, although I'm very happy to have it as well).

soapbox · 23/09/2004 12:48

Angrymum - I too am glad you are still posting on the site.

I think some of the comments directed at you and to those who supported you, were quite disgraceful!

BooMama · 25/09/2004 18:05

Glad to hear there has been so much support recently for angrymum. The responses she received earlier in the thread were rather unpleasant. As a new poster I have seriously considered whether I wish to continue being part of a forum which can be so unfriendly. It has certainly made me reconsider posting on any matter regarding teachers.

MeanBean · 25/09/2004 18:59

I also agree that in this thread, the people who have got the slating are not teachers, but Angrymum and those who supported her. I've been quite shocked by how unconstructive and dismissive some of the responses have been. It's been quite dispriting. Angrymum, FWIW I believe your concerns were valid and you acted impeccably!

WideWebWitch · 25/09/2004 20:43

Me too angrymum.

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