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Original poster

Help-angry with reception teacher

173 replies

angrymum · 18/09/2004 22:12

My ds started school this week.He is 4.5. Today I was talking to him about school and what he had been doing,and he got really upset and said that his name had been put on the " sad sun" whatever that is,because he had gone to the toilet without asking. He couldn't tell me any more details but I am SO angry I feel like I am going to explode.
As I said this is his first week, he has come from a nursery where they just went to the toilet when they wanted to-and I had explained that school was different and that he would have to ask-and more's to the point he hasn't found toilet training the easiest of things to conquer and I'm just relieved that he went to the loo instead of wetting himself.I can't believe he's been punished for this with some sort of public humiliation.
I feel I need to talk to the teacher about this, but not sure how to go about it.My initial reaction to her has been that I don't like her.She is very young and has just finished her newly qualified teacher year, and when I tried to talk to her earlier in the week, in a kind of " has ds been ok?" kind of way she just said, " yes, there's a parents evening next week " in a kind of dismissive, don't bother me way.I don't know whether to try and talk to her on monday or wait till thursday for parents evening.I feel like crying .
Any teachers out there that can advise me? Or more experienced mums? Wouldn't a gentle reminder have been enough??????

OP posts:
tamum · 20/09/2004 11:50

angrymum, I'm glad you spoke to the teacher. Going at the end of break like that isn't as bad as leaving the classroom without asking, I do think it sounds a bit harsh. You said the right things by the sound of it.

Yorkiegirl · 20/09/2004 12:04

Message withdrawn

lisalisa · 20/09/2004 12:07

Message withdrawn

littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 12:23

Angrymum, glad you had the opportunity to discuss this with the teacher concerned, and hope that you feel better about this now. I agree, still think she was in the wrong, he wasn't being naughty

Angeliz · 20/09/2004 12:25

Glad you had a chat with her.
I ,like others, HATE humiliation of any kind. It's one of my biggest concerns with dd just starting nursery.
Your little boy sounds like he's handled it well though so HOPEFULLY, it won't be a memory of his!
(Just yours unfortunately )

Original poster
angrymum · 20/09/2004 12:43

I don't feel better about it really.Now I know the details, I just don't think he did anything wrong, and I find it upsetting.HOWEVER, he is fine and I can't cling onto this forever.I have got to get over it.I will be keeping a close on the situation and I just hope ds feels he can talk to me about anything that may arise.
I also hope he doesn't pee his pants because he hasn't got permission to go the loo.

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 12:45

well i hope someone does pee his/her pants and then she'll have to clear it up

Original poster
angrymum · 20/09/2004 12:48

lol little miss bossy, but so long as its not my little love!

OP posts:
whymummy · 20/09/2004 12:50

glad you could talk to the teacher angrymum,i'm sure she now realises she was too harsh,it is very hard when they start school,i worry all the time too

BooMama · 20/09/2004 15:26

Am glad you felt able to talk to the teacher today. Did you ask her about the method of discipline she was using? I know myself that it can be uncomfortable to bring up something like this but maybe you could ask about it at the parents evening? It doesn't sound to me like he did anything wrong - if he went at the end of break he might not have seen the teacher to ask permission. It's not as if he wandered out of the classroom under her nose. If they share the playground with older children he may have seen them using the loo on their own initiative. Of course, this is how he learns what the rules and system are but that doesn't mean it has to be done with a punishment.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. Hope I am not winding you up and that you don't get too stressed over this. If he seems happy enough with the situation maybe that will put your mind at rest.

WideWebWitch · 20/09/2004 18:51

angrymum, I think you're being very mature and I'm impressed by your 'I know I must leave this' attitude - letting go of things that make me cross is one of my major faults. I'm going to remember that phrase and try to live by it a bit more myself. Well done, sounds like you handled it well and did the right thing for your ds. I'd have cried too!

Original poster
angrymum · 20/09/2004 22:43

www, thank you that's a lovely thing to say because I don't feel mature, I feel like a soppy ,over anxious SAP!

OP posts:
willow2 · 20/09/2004 22:47

Nope, you did the right thing in my book by speaking to the teacher and you are doing the right thing by letting it lie now.

ernest · 21/09/2004 11:46

I have to say I feel sorry for the teacher. is there any other job where you expect the professional involved to drop everything and see to your problem straight away with no warning? Would you walk into your local GP and expect him/her to attend to you straight away, or a&e for that matter, or your bank manager/optician/dentist etc etc.

Why should the teacher have to oblige in this way? Isn't she likely to be busy setting up for the day ahead? So is she then going to start the day underprepared and flustered after an unexpected confrontation with an 'angrymum' just over a boy needing a pee last week? And what if half a dozen other parents also felt such a strong need to talk to her 'urgently'?

Lots of people here all seem to agree that turning up unannounced 1st thing monday morning was the right thing to do, so I'm clearly in the minority, although 1 person did mention speaking to her in the morning to ask if a quick word in the afternoon would be ok.

codswallop · 21/09/2004 11:47

I am with hmb ont he teacher bashing this week

grumpyfrumpy · 21/09/2004 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angeliz · 21/09/2004 12:27

If she had waited though Ernest, the teacher could have humiliated her son again before knowing the facts that he is finding the toilet thing difficult!

grumpyfrumpy · 21/09/2004 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyQuated · 21/09/2004 12:44

wow,
no matter how teachers discipline children they get a verbal hammering, if they don't discipline them they get a verbal hammering.
on top of that ypou habve the fact that some children are best aproached softly others need a firm hand from day one.
IMO it is very ealy days to 'fall-out' with your child's teacher; they are both still in the 'getting-to-know-you' satge.

Angeliz · 21/09/2004 12:46

For ME this is the kind of punishment i'm against!
I have no problem with teachers, dd's thankfully are lovely, but i HATE public humiliation of any kind!!

Cam · 21/09/2004 12:47

Oh please, I do think a Reception teacher would expect (or at least not be surprised or put out)to be told and asked all sorts of things which are important to the mum/child BECAUSE they are new (sorry if I'm shouting) but let's all get real.

grumpyfrumpy · 21/09/2004 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soapbox · 21/09/2004 12:56

I think everyone needs to take a deep breath here...

I think angrymum has every right to come to a site like this and express her feelings - doesn't matter whether people think she's right or wrong. This site is supposed to be supportive of other mums irrespective of whether the issue is trivial or major.

Angrymum has not fallen out with the teacher in any way what so ever. If you read this carefully you will see that she had a quiet word with teh teacher and although she is privately still upset about things, she has said herself that she needs to let things rest now!

I think it is ridiculous to suggest that people shouldn't be able to discuss things that are upsetting them just because they are teacher related.

There are good and bad teachers yes, but more so all teachers have good and bad days. I am quick to speak to my children's teachers if anything is concerning me, but equally I ALWAYS drop them a quick note, copied into the headmistress, if I am particularly pleased with somethign they have done.

We pay for the service of having our children taught - and as such I think parents have the right to expect good standards for their children.

I am an accountant and we too get a lot of stick at times, believe me a call in the morning at the start of the day from a grumpy client would be great, as it is not unusual for it to be 7,8,9,10pm or even later if working on overseas clients.

I am definately not advocating teacher bashing, and it is the nature of a site such as this that people come here when they are upset and need advice. Its a bit like saying that because all of the relationship threads tend to be about breaking up, that no-one on mumsnet is in a happy relationship...

then again .

ernest · 21/09/2004 13:00

isn't that what the parent's evening is for? I still don't see why this, or any other teacher should have to deal with everyone's personal little problems whenever the parents want - and if they don't they're brandished as unprofessional, uncaring, unapproachable etc etc etc. I can't see how waiting a couple of extra days is going to make that much difference. Or why not jot a quick note & then discuss at the parent's evening. I do think turning up unannounced and expect to be seen as extremely rude, selfish and demanding.

As you said cam - yes, let's get real. And stop being so selfish and demanding. Again, I ask, which other professional group is expected to meet & deal with p[roblems at the drop of a hat - none. Why should teachers?

And as for humiliation. Well, as has been said, this affected the mum more than the kid. I bet he'll remember to ask next time. So he learnt this the hard way? I bet it won't be the last time he has to learn something the hard way. Humiliation? His name was written on a board, in front of kids who can't even bloody read fgs!!! He didn't have to drop his trousers. He wasn't denied permission to go to the toilet. He was asked to ask next time & his name was written down. Blimey if every parent went to their teacher over a 'grievance' big or small, every time they did or didn't occur, when would any teaching get done?

AuntyQuated · 21/09/2004 13:03

well said, ernest