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Original poster

Help-angry with reception teacher

173 replies

angrymum · 18/09/2004 22:12

My ds started school this week.He is 4.5. Today I was talking to him about school and what he had been doing,and he got really upset and said that his name had been put on the " sad sun" whatever that is,because he had gone to the toilet without asking. He couldn't tell me any more details but I am SO angry I feel like I am going to explode.
As I said this is his first week, he has come from a nursery where they just went to the toilet when they wanted to-and I had explained that school was different and that he would have to ask-and more's to the point he hasn't found toilet training the easiest of things to conquer and I'm just relieved that he went to the loo instead of wetting himself.I can't believe he's been punished for this with some sort of public humiliation.
I feel I need to talk to the teacher about this, but not sure how to go about it.My initial reaction to her has been that I don't like her.She is very young and has just finished her newly qualified teacher year, and when I tried to talk to her earlier in the week, in a kind of " has ds been ok?" kind of way she just said, " yes, there's a parents evening next week " in a kind of dismissive, don't bother me way.I don't know whether to try and talk to her on monday or wait till thursday for parents evening.I feel like crying .
Any teachers out there that can advise me? Or more experienced mums? Wouldn't a gentle reminder have been enough??????

OP posts:

soapbox · 21/09/2004 13:06

ernest - I think you'll find plenty of eamples of professionals who are expected to jump at the drop of a hat for their clients.

Accountants and lawyers for one! And believe me its not a question of 'shall I jump' but 'how high'

I don't think demanding the highest standards of teaching and care is in any way rude or unreasonable. In fact that teachers would be defensive of such an approach is highly worrying. I have two very good friends who are teachers and they are always the first to tell me if they think something my childrens teachers have done is crap. They arm me with what they believe will be the most suitable approach to the teacher in order to get the problem resolved.

Can't see what the problem is to be honest...

codswallop · 21/09/2004 13:07

can i just remind you all we are rowing about whne a kids has a dump

pespective please

Rowlers · 21/09/2004 13:08

Coddy -

codswallop · 21/09/2004 13:09

I thik we need to agree to disagree here!

personally I cringe when I think of the things I worried about 2 years ago

a ms sure its all foirts day nerves but this is way our of proportion

AuntyQuated · 21/09/2004 13:09

thing is, it could just as easily be a disagreement entitled "my child got left in the loo during fire drill"

pixiefish · 21/09/2004 13:11

or my child got left in the loo and the school burnt down!

codswallop · 21/09/2004 13:11

that would be an real issue!

codswallop · 21/09/2004 13:11

my child got stcuk ont he looaand the cubicle flooded?

Cam · 21/09/2004 13:17

It was the little boy's first week at school .....I believe that is the issue here....he was punished for something before he had the opportunity to learn the right thing to do. There's no need to be aggressive ernest.

Cam · 21/09/2004 13:19

Or, come to that, there's no need to take the mickey Cod.

codswallop · 21/09/2004 13:19

I do
I think its ridiculous

twogorgeousboys · 21/09/2004 13:22

I have been a teacher AND worked in a different profession (where when a client says jump you ask "how high"?)

Teaching is very different to those professions. You don't have 29+ other children and their parents clamouring around you whilst you do the jumping.

Sorry, but I think it's a poor analogy.

littlemissbossy · 21/09/2004 13:23

BUT IT WAS HIS FIRST WEEK!!! give him a break

jampot · 21/09/2004 13:33

Ive gone back to the original post and my son (year 1) too had a teacher in her nqt year and we did have problems with her. However she was in her first job within a school with 27 5-6yo kids and I personally feel that she was thrown in at the deep end with very little support from "the school" including her mentor and Head. She did have to assert her authority very early on and used a whistle as a means of quietening the class. This was a couple of years ago and although I don't really like her as a person she is quite popular now with children and parents.

soapbox · 21/09/2004 13:36

no 2gb's but you do have at least 29 other clients all who think they deserve to get dealt with first... and a full days work to get through too!

As such I think its a very good analogy. The peoblem is that unless mum talks to the school the school can't address her concerns - whether they are trivial or not!

In the same way, I would far rather an unhappy client came to me with an issue rather than brooded on it until it becomes out of proportion.

I think that is all that angrymum has done.

I just don't get why we are not allowed to put trivial education concerns on the site, if they are upsetting us, but other trivial concerns are fine and meet with a supportive reponse.

Cam · 21/09/2004 13:40

well said, soapbox

enid · 21/09/2004 13:44

I've avoided this thread but I do take issue with idea that we shouldn't feel able to talk to teachers about our worries - whenever we like. I don't think its unreasonable to ask the teacher, in the playground, about worries that we have. Our school welcomes parents chatting in the playground before school begins. After all, the teachers now have our children for seven hours a day - we all stand up for peoples rights to know what happens to their kids while at nursery, where is it written that you suddenly have to be cool about it once they start school?

And Cod, you are right, I am sure I will cringe about things I worry about now, but as the mother of a newly hatched Reception chick, be gentle with us! We are just trying to make sense of it all - and who can we turn to if we are worried if not the teacher?

AuntyQuated · 21/09/2004 13:45

I just don't get why we are not allowed to put trivial education concerns on the site, if they are upsetting us, but other trivial concerns are fine and meet with a supportive reponse.

i think you are right, we should be able to do exactly that. but instaed of angrymum receiving the support/reassurance she needed it became another 'bash the teacher' thread.
what gets to me is that we all have very different parenting skills we acknowledge that but many posters semm to think thst teachers ought to have one approach only and that is one that reflects the posters. it just isn't possible

soapbox · 21/09/2004 13:50

AuntyQuated

I haven't read the thread that way at all. Scrolling through the responses the vast majority are about the specific problem. Some were about the wider 'starting school and how things work' but can not see many at all that could be described as teacher bashing.

Its a bit like saying we can't say that so and so's exh is an arse because our DH's might be offended? Makes no sense at all...

twogorgeousboys · 21/09/2004 13:51

Do not disagree that angrymum should highlight her concerns as I mentioned in my earlier post.

But we'll have to disagree on the parallel between teaching and professions like accountancy etc in relation to handling "clients".

Prior to teaching, the times I'd have 30 clients (plus entourage) physically coming through the door in one go, many demanding immediate attention, were few an far between. Client Christmas do perhaps.

ernest · 21/09/2004 13:51

I've got no problem with trivial concerns (up to a limit!), most people have them, I just don't see that turnoing up at school unannounced demanding attention is an appropriate way to deal with it.

Slinky · 21/09/2004 13:55

We also have the "sad/happy" face in our Reception/Year 1 classes - not sure if it's in place yet in the Reception - still early days. As they get into Juniors, they have the "traffic light" system along with "Golden Time" (Golden Time is where they can choose what they want to do for 1/2 hour on a Friday PM - bad behaviour results in deduction of Golden Time).

At the nursery I worked at, we would expect the children from 3.5yo onwards to ask to go to the toilet and they would go by themselves. Some parents were shocked/surprised when they realised but they must understand that part of our job was to prepare them "for big school".

As for talking to the teacher in the mornings, this is discouraged at our school. You are however free to chat to the teacher directly after school.

I have yet to "say hello" to DS1 (Year 2) teacher yet - almost 3 weeks in - as everytime I go to speak to her, she is surrounded by parents (same few!) who want a "blow-by-blow" account of their darlings day - how often went to toilet/what they have done all day etc They're going into Juniors next year FGS!!!

As for DD1 (year 4) she had her first "lunch-time detention" yesterday - and I'm delighted!! In Year 3, she sometimes forgot to bring her Homework Diary/Homework home on a Friday. I would make her explain to the teacher on a Monday, who always said "don't worry, do it later". etc.

She forgot again this weekend, so yesterday she went and explained to her maths teacher. He told her she had to stay in during playtime and do it She came home most indignant expecting me to be sympathetic - ha! She won't forget her homework diary on a Friday anymore!

soapbox · 21/09/2004 13:55

But 2gb's I would have to search long and hard into my memory before I could recall an instance when my DS's or DD's reception teacher had 30 folk all converging on her at the same time...

I think its rich asking for ANgrymum to get things in proportion but think its ok to say that teachers shouldn't have to deal with mums in the morning. FGS its hardly a big deal is it!

The whole professional thing , drs, lawyers, teachers, nurses etc etc all work best when there is good communication between the various parties - that's all angrymum has done and all that the majority of mums advised her to do.

Slinky · 21/09/2004 13:56

also forgot to add - just before entering Reception, me and child go for a chat with the teacher, telling her of any dislikes/likes/toiletting problems etc etc.

ks · 21/09/2004 14:05

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