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Original poster

Daughter accused of being racist

380 replies

Loopylou19861234 · 08/09/2018 15:27

oopylou19861234

Hello i am not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes.... i need advice please.
Yes yesterday I had a phone call from my daughter's stating that there had been an incident of a raciel nature full stop when I enquired what had happened I was told that during a game on the playground my 7 year old daughter had referred to a boy as the Black Boy this was used in descriptive nature not as an insult but nevertheless she was pulled out of class for the rest of the day but up for racial insults which is going on her permanent record and is being referred to the board as a serious matter I am very confused over this matter as I don't think it's true or correct that my daughter has been branded a racist by the school what can i do?

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OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 09/09/2018 09:25

As white people we've not been subject to racism, because of that thing called privilege. If you're black you will have been subject to racism. Not might have, but will. There is absolutely no escaping from it.

Not necessarily. A (white) family member had been in a relationship with a (black) person for a few years. A close relative of the partner died, and my family member asked during a gathering when the funeral would be so they could take the time off work. They were told in no uncertain terms that they wouldn’t be coming to the funeral because they were not black.

Original poster
Loopylou19861234 · 09/09/2018 09:31

Okay. Thank you all for your response.. yes the boy in question was allowed to play after this incident.. why wouldnt he? There was never any questiom of her using rhe term.as a insult she merely described him.. the same as she describes her another friend as her ginger haired friend.. is that racist? No? I think rhe problem occured when 3 hours later rhe same boy who had not had a issue when she said it then wenr tp the teachers and complained that she said it. Now mu complaint is not that she was pulled once the boy had made a complaint at the end of rhe day if he was upset then i totally understand but i think both parents should have beem called in and the matter spoken about and determined whether it was a raciel insult from her end and his.
But this ia not what happened.. i was the only parent called in. She was separated frpm her class for half a day
.. endured being shouted at for being a racist. I was told there ia nothing i cam do abour it going on her permanent record as a racial verbal assault and goon to the board of school govereners. This will follow her for her whole life. Thia is the bit i dont agree with. She now thinks if she mentions any kind of.colour shes racist and that to me ia super sad.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 09:35

She was actually called a racist by a teacher? Shouted at?

When was the half day internal exclusion? The next day?

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 09:36

Why didn't she use his name? Same for her finger haired friend -why not use her name?

Josiebloggs · 09/09/2018 09:37

I have name changed for this as outing but 30 years ago at predominately white primary school a teacher overheard me say something very similar and reacted in an almost identical manner.
What they didn't realise was that we were very good friends, had sleep overs, our families were friendly.
My friends parents attending the school and explaining that we as children had no idea of racism and the school had caused issue by making a big deal that their daughter was different.
I would definitely not want this on my childs record if it was said in a descriptive context. I would speak with the head and governers but would take it as far as I needed before someone stood up and agreed this was nonsense.

3girlmama · 09/09/2018 09:39

Thank you @CatkinToadflax x

catkind · 09/09/2018 09:43

Has anyone actually said that saying "the black guy" if there is no other way of easily identifying him is racist?

Well yes, the posters saying what OP's child did is racist. There aren't many easy ways of identifying one kid in uniform from a group of same. People seem to be making wild inventions that the boy was standing right there on his own and could be gestured to, but then why describe him at all. And IF that happened there might be an issue, which is why we're all saying find out more. But if there were lots of boys around, which seems more likely in a playground situation, then people are condemning OP's child for apparently doing exactly what you say.

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2018 09:51

The issue here is the boy complained. For whatever reason.

I do think the school has been heavy handed, but the bottom line is your child is learning young what a minefield this is. And it is a minefield. It really is best not to describe people by their skin colour. Rightly or wrongly. It's better simply to not go there.

I have always taught my daughter to look at intent behind the words. Because sometimes people use the wrong word by mistake with no ill intent.

This doesn't mean someone shouldn't be corrected. But intent indicates the level and type of response that is needed.

I assume this boy is the same age as your daughter, so also young. The fact he complained the next day would indicate he went home and possibly told his parents, who have told him to report it. It doesn't appear due to timing that this is something he was doing off his own back.

So there could have been something lost in the message, what he told his parents as opposed to what happened.

Original poster
Loopylou19861234 · 09/09/2018 09:53

The teacher stated to her that she had used raciel language to which ahe asked what did i say? The teacher replied u were being racist. Yes voices were raised mu daughter tells me she was scared and did not understand why anybody would call her thay word as she obv kno2 what it means. We are not racist in anyway and no way has she beem taught that. She did not know hia name at the time she said this comment amd this was the first time she has ever used colour tp decribe someone as opposes to hair colour or clothes. She would have used his name had she known it. This happened monday morning. She was held half day monday afternoon once the boy had complained. I was told tuesday 3pm at pickup. She did npt tell me as the teacher had told her she would be in trouble once i knew so she was scared of my reaction whicj was totally wrong i think! At rhe end of the day i will be talking to her about this situation b4 she gprs back monday tp ensur3 this never happens again.
But what do i do about her being labelled a racist for the rest of her school years?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 09:54

"People seem to be making wild inventions that the boy was standing right there on his own and could be gestured to,"
Why didn't she use his name?

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 09:56

Don't talk to your dad about this any more. You need to talk face to face with the teachers involved. There is lots that doesn't add up here.

CherryAide · 09/09/2018 09:58

@BertrandRussell or just 'his name'...

Maybe she didn't know it? Even if she didn't, she's 7. Surely if this was the scenario then it could be put down to a mistake? Something to learn by? An educational opportunity? Surely not racism...

catkind · 09/09/2018 09:59

She did npt tell me as the teacher had told her she would be in trouble once i knew so she was scared of my reaction whicj was totally wrong i think!
This if true is very problematic. And yet they did eventually call you? All very odd and yes think you need to be finding out more. Stay very calm, be honest about your confusion, ask to see policies.
Bertrand, think op just answered that, though she has said before upthread too.

Original poster
Loopylou19861234 · 09/09/2018 09:59

Because she did not know his name. She was stood with 7 ish of her friends running from one end of the playground to another.. while she was runninf the boy shouted to her can i play?... so she ran back to her friends and said that boy wanta ro play with us.. which boy her friends said... that black boy over there she replied.. at which point the boy had walked up to the group and heard this comment but never said anything had upset him until hours later. Is that more understandable?

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 09/09/2018 10:03

If this 7 year old girl was approched by a stranger in the park who tried to lure her away with some puppies I would expect the first thing the police would ask is "was the person white? black? Maybe look like they are from China?" (etc)
Is the police being racist or simply uses an obvious way to describe what a person looks like?

user838383 · 09/09/2018 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 10:11

"Surely if this was the scenario then it could be put down to a mistake? Something to learn by? An educational opportunity? Surely not racism..."
Yes. Which is why I think that there is more to this than the OP knows. She should not talk to her dd any more and talk to the school. There is certainly some very odd conduct and language being used by the school.

CherryAide · 09/09/2018 10:13

Agreed Bert!

numptynuts · 09/09/2018 10:17

The school is being racist.

I don't understand why the boy was upset? Unless he's been made to believe being called black when your black is wrong?

Whisky2014 · 09/09/2018 10:20

I cannot believe spade is a spade is a racial slur. I disagree it's widely known. And the poster who wrote it meant something along the lines of "if it looks like an apple, and tastes like an apple then it's probably an apple."
Fucking hell

Original poster
Loopylou19861234 · 09/09/2018 10:21

Okay thank you all for your help. I will be going to the school on monday to ask about policies and why it was seen as a cut and dried raciel issue when it wasnt . Is it possible to ask for this to be struck off her record?

OP posts:
Swatsup · 09/09/2018 10:27

Badly handled by the school!!!!

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 09/09/2018 10:33

Sadly Bertrand yes there was an uproar. My sons school had children from across the globe attending. High numbers here as parents had come into the UK to work predominantly in the NHS. A child overheard DS and complained and then a parent complained.
The school on the whole was fabulous as they were very inclusive of everybody and so they took stuff like this seriously which was and is a good thing but I had to deal with the fallout of it all.

Anyway on reflection it's not the same thing so to avoid de-railing the serious issue bring discussed I will leave the thread now.

CripsSandwiches · 09/09/2018 10:36

I think you're being a bit dramatic in saying that it will follow her her whole life. Of course it won't. It was probably upsetting for her and was badly handled. I don't see why you think his parents should have been called in though.

Dottierichardson · 09/09/2018 10:38

OP many schools post details of their policies, possible penalties, mode of appeal/right of appeal on their website. Have you checked it yet?