Sacrifices for private education

[Jessikita]

I’m in a quandary. I recognise it’s considered a first world problem but this is the situation I’m in.

There’s a local independent day school near to us. It’s unique that it offers wrap around care (including all meals) all inclusive of the price.

Therefore it doesn’t actually work out any more expensive than paying for full time nursery.

I’d really like my daughter to go. The class limit is 12 to a teacher and a TA and the standard of education is just so much better.

My dilemma is we wanted to move house within the next 5/6 years so that will put a stop to that. (We live in a deprived area) And will also mean maybe one UK holiday a year as opposed to going abroad. (We have focussed on travelling rather than saving to move)

Shall I value her education above all other oppprtunities? Or shall I send her to the local primary that’s rated good?

Please don’t tell me off or say I should be grateful for affording even one UK holiday as everything is relative to the situation you’re in.

Thanks

I would move or save to move rather than send her to private.
What if your circumstances suddenly changed 10 years down the line meaning you could no longer afford it?
Have you looked at costs above nursery level? our local Indy school is same price as our nursery but gets much more pricey as you go up. We could afford it but would be really pushing ourselves and we have decided it's not worth the stress of scrimped living.

Children are most likely to speak with all types if their parents put them in situations where this happens and mix with a broad range of people, so chatting to adults just becomes the norm

I agree with this 100%, our dc have lived in an environment where they have had the opportunity to communicate with grown ups, from an early age. They came on the road with us and were part of the team, they can talk to anyone from any walk of life.

However, I must admit that now dd has this at school as well, it does come easier to her than her siblings, it's second nature now.
Some parents have confused her with staff at school, as they don't wear uniforms. There is a self assuredness that comes with it, certainly no fear of over stepping the mark.
I think this is partly personality, but mostly experience and opportunity.

I love the “learn to talk to all sorts of people”- worked well for Boris Johnston, didn’t it?

And what sort of people might you not learn to talk to at a state school?

I love the “learn to talk to all sorts of people”- worked well for Boris Johnston, didn’t it?
Millicent just because it didn't necessarily work for Boris doesnt mean you can apply this to all from Eton or anywhere else for that matter.
"And what sort of people might you not learn to talk to at a state school?"
I once took some of DS's friends to meet another friends who's parents were ST rich listers. They lived in a stunning pile with beautiful understated but incredibly expensive decor. Id said nothing to DS's friends but they knew straight away that this wasn't your average family living in an average semi. The friends were made very welcome but they were totally tongue tied and sat wide eyed staring at everything around them.
Again other children form a similar background might have taken it in their stride.

Happygardening . Why take relatively privileged children, to gawk at the lives of the super rich.

It is almost like child abuse showing them a lifestyle , why a family spend more on 'one Private' Jet trip to Chamonix than these probably middle class families earn in a year .

They have absolutely nothing in common with, will never ever anyone like them again . It will just show them how 'little' they have despite having so much more than many children. I am hardly surprised they sat there with their mouths open...

It is as bad as taking a bunch of extremely under-privileged children and placing them in a extremely leafy school in the country.

Where a family spend more on one private jest trip to Chamonix !

JEST.... Jet

Really letstalk? I am interested in that. I don't mind who my children know. I went to school with someone who lived in one of those kinds of houses and people much worse off. It is good for children to see all kinds of families. If your family values are that only seeking loads of money in life makes you very unhappy (and King Midas and many of the Greek myths by the way are well worth telling to children as bed time stories) and you can be happy with a lot or none I don't really see why taking chldren to the house of someone rich or someone not rich is cruel or wrong. In fact it might make some of them get their finger out and actually do their homework for once if they want to get AAA* and get a good job.

AA*A gets you a 50k Debt not a "200 million pound family fortune" !

It's a better start than CCC and whilst you can start a business leaving school at 16 people tend to earn more if they get good qualifications.

By all means put people off going to university and doing well though as it means much less competition for my children so that's a good thing. The fewer who compete for the better paid jobs the more chance for those who are trying.

I am not putting anyone of going to University. I am just stating that despite how Martin Lewis choses to put student loans. it is a debt that has to be paid whether that be by parents signing a cheque, or by the student themselves over the next 30 years.

Regarding the super rich, I know the moderately wealthy, say those in the £10-20 million category like to suck up to the super rich ! They hope the magic will rub off on their children, or more likely will get opportunities throw 'rubberneckin' with the super rich.

Finally nobody expect sport stars, singers 'thieves' or the one in '1billion' types like Elon Musk can make the Times 1000 in one generation ! The thieves being the ones that do, they do it by ripping off pension funds undervaluing assets and paying 95% of their staff under £10 per hour....

through rubberneckin

Hmmm. 'Real life' - I'm not sure what that means. Surely everyone's life is real to them. Nobody has the full picture and I don't think you need school to understand not everyone is the same. I would like my children's school to offer a challenging academic environment according to ability, promote good ethics and values (such as the value of achievement and social values) and a wide range of opportunities to broaden their 'education'. Whether state or private. Accessing 'real life' - whatever that means, came pretty low down on my list of priorities...

I don't think anyone would pretend that private schools are a bastion of diversity (in the political sense). However you probably get as much or more of a mix of people in private schools in London and boarding schools which have an international intake as you do in a village comprehensive. So a different kind of mix.

There’s an awful lot of people in the ten pound to 20 million category. Probably most wage earners, I should think.

"Why take relatively privileged children, to gawk at the lives of the super rich."
Ummm because their DS was my DS1's best friend and I was dropping him over for a sleep over and I had 2 other children with me as their mum was at work and it was a hot day and the super rich mum was exceedingly normal and a nice person and she thought all the children might like to play in her pool which they did. Nothing more nothing less.
I dont have a problem with this nether did the mum of the two children so why do you?
To quote Rudyard Kipling:
"Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch":
"

I know the moderately wealthy, say those in the £10-20 million category

Since when is someone with £10-£20 million “moderately” wealthy?!

Absolutely. If you’ve only got £10 then you’re not that wealthy at all.

True. And if you’ve got £20m you’re a bit more than “moderately” so.

I’ve not got £10 just now :( I must just be slightly wealthy.

Just to clarify I was being flippant about a £10-20 million pound family fortune being moderately wealthy !

However, it was based on a survey which 10 years ago said you needed £5 million to be relatively wealthy in London and judging by how prices have accelerated !

Well, by being flippant you have demeaned your whole argument

My POV here is that my child asked once, "Why do we live in such a small house?". (We don't, it's spacious but 1970's, and not fancy.) Then he went to a comprehensive school where his best friend's house would fit into our kitchen/diner and bathroom, and realised how much space we really had. At that stage we were paying for education alongside people who had much more by way of assets, and some who had much less. Parents didn't make much fuss about it, so kids didn't. If you were agreeable, popular, amusing... you were invited, no matter how little or how much you had. Any snobbery was intellectual rather than

material.

Couldn't agree more OCSock we also live in an average house but over the years have been many times to the homes of the mega wealthy and they have come to ours. Few if any care how much or little money we have in comparison to them and as my DS always says those that do are generally disliked by all.

We have the flip side of OCSock. We live in a fairly standard 4 bed detached house (and it's modern so the rooms are all pretty small e.g. the bedrooms pretty much fit a bed and one other piece of furntiture and that's it). Nearly all the DC's friends come round and tell us how big our house is.

My best friend at school was probably the worst off and all credit to my parents that they had no problems at all, no suggestion I should suck up to Lady XYZ in my class. People are just people.

If you do own a house then I think like most parents who are home owners it is important to make sure children realise that not everyone does and that some people live in very different situations. Eg if mmy children ever were going to the cinema with friends and were taking it for granted everyone could afford it I would suggest they don't assume that (and I am sure sometimes we've paid for someone in a difficult position on that kind of thing). It is important children realise the different lives people lead.

My son was complaining about my 30 year old carpets... well tough. If he doesn't like the carpets he can camp in the garden or avert his eyes.